I Wake Up In The Basement I’m So Hungry/ I Must Be Here Sleepwalking

How to explain the unexplainable.

Sunday night I made homemade spaghetti and meatballs with ceaser salad for dinner and the kids loved it. Everything was all good. So I decided to send the leftovers with them to daycare for lunch the next day. I asked Z to get out 2 containers for me to divide it up for them. She made a big deal about her getting the green lid one and Little E said he wanted the green one too, leaving the blue lid unclaimed (seems like a stupid detail but just wait). I ignored them hoping they would forget about it by the morning, a pick your battle kinda situation and just closed them up and made my salad in my own Tupperware, with a red lid for anyone keeping track. Then I stacked all three in the fridge, thinking nothing more about it.

Skip forward to Monday morning when I tell Little E to get their lunches ready and he says there’s only one spaghetti container in the fridge. I yell from the bathroom to look harder KNOWING I just put it in there last night, three Tupperware one on top of the other. You can’t miss it. A minute later he calls back saying it’s not there.

So I’m thinking he’s just being lazy and not seeing something that’s surely right in front of his nose, and I stomp off to the kitchen prepared to whip the door open and prove him wrong and find the green lidded container that had most likely dropped behind something and go one with our day. I open the fridge. I look. I can’t find it. I LOOOOOOK hard. It’s not there. I look in the freezer. It’s not there. I check kitchen cabinets. Nope. I look in the damn garbage. Nothing. I call Z thinking she might’ve possibly hid it in some secret place to ensure she got the green top. She has no clue. I might’ve gone over board on my interrogation techniques, because seriously wtf could it have gone, but I could tell both the kids had no clue, and as a mom you know if your kid is lying. So I let it go as far as them lying went.

Then, since I was running out of options I even went so far as to check to make sure all the outer doors to our house were locked (lol I know) to make sure no one came into our house in the middle of the night and indulged on my fantastic spaghetti and then left leaving everything else untouched. Locked, obviously. So now I’m left with sleep walking/eating? And I’m like 100% sure it’s not my kids since I hear when they get outta bed to use the washroom. Little E is in a metal bunk bed that makes hella noise when he moves let alone gets in and out. And Z just doesn’t understand how to open a door quietly. So was it me? Like honestly did I eat or hide this stupid container? I’m not sure about anything anymore.

So I give Little E my salad since we’re running out of time and I have to get to work. When we got home I started a mass hunt for this thing. I looked through the fridge thoroughly again, under couch cushions and beds. Double-checked all the cupboards and drawers. Backpacks and purses. Everywhere and anywhere I thought of I searched and I can’t find the stupid Tupperware. And I know I used it because it’s not in the cupboard clean. It’s not in the dishwasher. I remember the kids fighting over it.

So we have some proverbial fairy stealing pasta making me go crazy. But I honestly have no idea what happened to it, and I don’t want to find it in a week or two based on the rotting smell coming out of somewhere.

And if someone in my house IS sleep walking? Well that’s just a whole other level of stress I don’t have patience for.

– Alice Cooper / The Awakening –

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I Could Be Right, I Could Be Wrong It Hurts So Bad, It’s Been So Long Mama, I’m Coming Home

Ok.

So it’s Monday. And of course so much has happened over the weekend (as per usual).

So we last left off with the email from E’s lawyer saying that Mr. lawyer dickface wanted E to go for a full mental evaluation to ensure he is capable of signing any documents before moving forward. He also ‘forbid’ me from moving the kids out of the province at this time (whatever). The literal best part of the email though, is when he said I forced E to have his phone on, connected to mine while I waited in the car and E went into his office, so that I could monitor their conversation. Literally! His lawyer wrote that. I’m like dude, I was sitting in the waiting room, and your office is 5 steps away at most, and the door was open. All it will take is a quick look at either/both of our phone records to see that you’re lying out your ass!

Like you guys, his lawyer is a slimebag. So, instead of sitting and dwelling on the ridiculousness of the situation, I fired my cheap legal aid lawyer who we’ll all admit has done nothing over 4 years, and bit the $4,000 retainer bullet to hire one of the best family law lawyer’s in the city. After a 15 minute phone call with him, he had already laid out a plan about what steps he would take and when. So I met with him on Friday, and he’s already in court TODAY to try and dispense with E’s dower rights (his right to my house), and then we’ll move on with the rest of the divorce. His main premise was if Mr lawyer dickface thinks E isn’t competent enough to sign, and is requesting a mental evaluation, then why should we be waiting for his signature? It’s obvious to everyone involved that he’s very mentally sick, and therefore my life should no longer be held up by this. And his lawyer should have known this sooner.

Sooooo, I went ahead and moved out of my place this weekend back in with my parents in preparation for this supposed house sale that was initially going to close tomorrow (April 10th) but depending on what happens in court… Well we’ll see. Either way, I have to pay $14,000.00+ to close out my mortgage and realtor fees etc. Needless to say I no longer have any money for a down payment between that and my new lawyer, which means I’ll probably lose the beautiful place in Kelowna I found (and have an accepted offer on currently) because of a lack of deposit. I’ll probably end up renting at this point. So that sucks.

The move? Let’s just say living minimalistically helps immensely at a time like this lol.  I packed my first box on Thursday, since I still didn’t know if  the sale was going to happen or not at that point. Heck I still don’t know. Anyways, I packed everything in the house between Thursday and Saturday while also working and meeting lawyers and all that fun stuff. I moved most of my stuff out to my POD/storage bin myself, since I wanted to have everything as ready as possible for when people came to help yesterday.

It took 6 of us 1.5 hours yesterday to move all the big furniture out to the bin and then I stayed for an hour to clean, and that’s that.

Goodbye house.

Now, we’re back at my parents house where my Dad has officially nicknamed me the boomerang. A very fitting and undesirable monkier. My mom asked how many times I’ve moved out and then back home and at this point I can’t even attempt to count, but it’s easily half a dozen.

Yea me.


-Ozzy Osbourne/Mama I’m Coming Home-