I Remember When I Lost My Mind There Was Something So Pleasant About That Place Even Your Emotions Have An Echo In So Much Space

Friday night my kids daycare had a Christmas party where they sang a few songs and had a visit from Santa.

Where to start. Straight off the bat I thought it was kinda strange that they would be having a “concert” at daycare, but whatever C, let it be. So we showed up at 6, where I was surprised to see some of the kids in their Sunday best for this shin-dig. Here my kids are still in whatever clothes they had picked themselves to wear to school that morning and I’m pretty sure Z had been doing some sort of paint project at school since it was covering her shirt, but whatever, let kids be kids right? So here are my two children looking like scrubs but happy, amongst the rest of the kids who looked great, but half of them were crying as the night got late, since they were younger and really didn’t get this whole ‘concert’ idea.

Anyways, this thing was a freakin’ disaster from start to finish. The staff had NOOOO clue what they were doing, and kept herding kids from one place to another and then right back from where they came because there was no communication. Then they had taped/hung some sheets in front of the kids cubbys for a backdrop or something, and used heavy Christmas ornaments/statues to hold the sheets up. Well the kids kept backing into the sheets, causing the statues to fall and two kids were smacked on the head during the singing, which caused more crying and chaos to ensue. Kinda hilarious for us parents of the non-hit kids to watch. I’m awful I know.

Then this one staff member L, who I actually think is the owner which makes it worse, wouldn’t just let kids be kids. Like when you go to a kids concert, you expect to see the cute stuff like nose picking and shyness etc. But if any of the children were’t doing the exact action, she would crawl over, getting in front of the other kids, therefore messing up any videos parents were taking, and literally hold their arms and wave them around herself. Like it was ridiculous. Lighten up a bit will you?

THENNNNNN, oh here’s where we get to the part that actually made me mad. And I can’t remember the last time I was MAD like this. Call this a rant I don’t even care, this need to be discussed and I need to get these feelings out because I was PISSED.

So, Santa was about to make his appearance. All the kids were herded upstairs (again so disorganized,  but that’s not my point) and made to sit in silence, which I question since they were taking pictures with Santa, not videos, but again, not what actually made me mad, just would’ve done things differently myself considering it was supposed to be a party not a funeral home. The same L lady told all the kids they would get to have a picture with Santa and they would be choosen in order of goodness, which yeah started to bother me, because they should never be judged on character in front of each other. But as soon as she said that I saw my girl Z sit up so nice and straight and fold her hands on her lap, a position she held the entire time. Santa Ho Ho Ho’d his way in and her face lit up. She’d been talking about him all week. All the details of his visit, where will he park his reindeer? Is he scary? What will he look like? Will he know her name? On and on and on. Little E knows Santa is not real, but he played along with me in getting her prepared for this visit and she was so excited for this moment. So when L said kids would get to sit on his lap for a picture in order of goodness, I wasn’t too impressed, but when she started choosing kids willy nilly, I was like well that’s not really cool, it probably leaves kids wondering why aren’t they “good”enough. But when she choose kids yelling in her face, and  running around the room, I got annoyed. But what absolutely pissed me to no end, was to see one by one, she chose each and every *white* kid in the entire daycare, until the only 4 who were left were my 2, and 2 other mixed race sisters.

I was incensed. Especially because as I observed L’s decisions I realized that she didn’t give one fuck. These 4 kids were probably some of the best behaved kids in the room. They sat perfectly quite in their spots without shouting out or causing trouble in anyway. But she blatantly chose kids based on “goodness” in front of them and picked kids who were very obviously behaving worse than them. And parents other than me noticed. And since it’s not obvious that I’m my children’s mother, discussed her poor choosing right in front of me. I was not the only one who noticed this palpable racism. But I’m probably the only one who did anything about it.

After all the kids had finally had their turn, Z stuck around. She was the only kid who was so deeply enamoured with Santa that she went back for a couple hugs after, staying to watch him until the very last moment after all the other kids had gone to eat cookies and other treats. Like when I say this was a special moment for her, I mean she’s been talking about it non-stop. Calling her grandparents to discuss it in depth after and telling me all the dreams shes had about him since. This has affected her.

What affected me, was how her and her brother were treated along with the other 2 girls of colour. Never in my life have I seen my kids treated like this. We have lived in various cities in Canada as well as 3 in Kenya and my kids have always been treated equal to their peers, their skin never coming into play so unmistakably. So I left there with a hot head. and couldn’t let it go. If this is how they are treated on a day to day basis at the place that is supposed to care for them and teach them basic life lessons and values, then it’s an issue. A big issue. And my blood was boiling.

I couldn’t sleep that night without doing something, so I sent an email to the daycare stating my issue. Sure it could have been an oversight, and maybe it was by chance, but it was not a chance I was going to take. If my children are looked upon as less than because of melanin, then it’s a big issue that I don’t take lightly, and it needed to be addressed. Don’t worry, my email was way less wordy and not nearly as ranty as this. I explained my concerns and noted that if this was an situation that continued, then we would need to continue to examine it further. And yes I spell proofed and edited much better than this post lol. Anyways, no word back yet. Hopefully my kids don’t get kicked out of daycare for it? Although would the daycare be stupid enough to take that kind of recourse, because honestly at this point if they did something as overt as that… well then I have a case.


-Gnarls Barkley/Crazy-

 

 

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It’s Raining Men! Hallelujah! It’s Raining Men! Amen! I’m Gonna Go Out To Run And Let Myself Get Absolutely Soaking Wet

Yesterday I was driving the kids to daycare and we were listening to the radio as per usual, when Little E asked how do “they” know what the weather is going to be?

OOOOOKKKKKAAAAAYYYYYYY!

I honestly have tried to figure this out so many times. I mean I get the general idea of wind patterns and cloud coverage etc. But honestly, how do “they” KNOW, that the wind just won’t fucking change!!!! Or more clouds just won’t accumulate? Or the sun won’t just shine harder lol. Or basically any million occurrences that could happen that could change the predictions? Like honest to goodness, how can “they” know?

So I outright told little E that. I told him I think they make predictions based on wind patterns and cloud movement etc but it’s a question that I haven’t quite figured out the answer to, so maybe he could ask his grandpa.

When I said I didn’t know the answer, I saw his eye’s twinkle in the rear-view mirror. As any kid’s would when they realize their parents don’t know everything for the first time. But I continued by saying, that like I had told him before, I would always be honest with him and never lie to him just to seem like I know the answer. Therefore, everything I’ve told him up to now, and in the future, has been and will always be the truth to the best of my knowledge. And if I don’t have the knowledge, I’ll point him in the right direction.

Now he knows that he can trust what I say. He knows that I won’t make up something “just because,” and I could see his mind going and thinking back over things I’d probably told him that he might not have believed, but now he knew he could trust me.

Last night, and all today? It was like he was a whole new boy. I’m not sure exactly what doubts he had in his mind,  but that conversation changed something in him. He’s become happier, more confident and just overall more satisfied with life it seems. I’m glad that what ever was bothering him is gone now… annoyed that it was there in the first place, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Anyways, as far as weather, I’m going to set Little E up with my dad to see if he can learn a few things about it. My dad is a plethora of knowledge when it comes to that stuff. None of it rubbed off on me apparently, but that wasn’t for a lack of trying on his part.

When I was in grade 5, my dad volunteered to organize a whole field trip for my class while we were doing our unit on aerodynamics and somehow I remember clouds being involved in that (see how little I care about the sky lol). So, he arranged for our class to go down to the municipal airport and see the airplanes there. We all had a chance to sit in the plane and play with the controls a bit, while he explained about the wings and lift and drag and all that airplaney stuff. I really wasn’t paying attention. One, because it was my dad and I’d heard him talk about it a thousand times at the dinner table (and car rides and bed time and just about all the time was airplane time), and two because it was my dad and everyone kept looking at me funny because my dad was the teacher for the day. Then at the end of the field trip, he took my teacher for a quick flight in a 2 seater plane which everyone thought was amazing. I was seriously thinking, I did this with him like 2 months ago for a Saturday afternoon for fun so it wasn’t that special, but ok, whatever tickles your fancy. And then back to school we went.

So, I think he’s a much better candidate for teaching Little E about weather and clouds and the air and sky and all that jazz. As for me? I probably still have no clue how it works because I was too embarrassed that my dad was leading the field trip to properly learn about cloud formations to pass any knowledge on to Little E.

Maybe that’s why knowledge skips a generation lol.

***After thought*** I normally write my posts and then pick a song/title that suits it. So after choosing this one, it reminded me how just tonight my kids facetimed my parents and when I answered my dad asked if I was going on a date. I was caught off guard, like what?? Why? He’s like your wearing lipstick. lol Omg, dad, I’ve been wearing it all day at work. Trust me. I have no date life. I’m literally in my pajama’s, and as we’ve discussed before, have literally NEVER BEEN ON A PROPER FUCKING DATE!!!!!!! So no dad. I don’t have a date tonight. But thanks for asking and reminding me of that very painful and annoying fact. Appreciate it.


-The Weather Girls/It’s Raining Men-

Pardon Me Your Epidermis Is Showing Sir I Couldn’t Help But Note You’re Shade Of Melanin

Ok… So feel free to keep reading. In fact I would encourage you to, but I will warn you now that this post will most likely offend some. But, we all know by now that won’t stop me from writing it.

These last few days, this whole race issue has been heavy on my mind. Between cutting out my own family members and dealing with fall out from that, as well as realizing people’s true stance on the issues that have been arising, it just feels like it’s definitely been at the forefront of every waking moment since the weekend.

So I’m going to lay it out here, because this morning, my boss made a comment, that I had to ignore in the moment, and to be honest at the time it didn’t seem like a big deal and I’m sure we’ve all heard similar statements and brushed them off as well. But as the day has worn on, it’s been bugging me.

My co-worker was basically just making conversation and made a comment about what was going on in the States (Charlottesville etc.) and my boss was basically like “yeah… whatever” and kinda shut down the conversation before it could even begin.

Now as I’ve been thinking about it, I’ve realized it’s that exact action, the action of in-action, is the definition of white privilege. By “avoiding politics” or wanting to just stay out of it, because in your “perfect” world it doesn’t affect you, that is privilege in action.

You are proving to the world that by being a white, well off man, you have nothing to worry about, and therefore you can just brush aside the worries or concerns that the rest of the world is facing. You don’t have the fear that your race, gender, religion, beliefs or any of that will lead to anything of consequence for you.

You don’t live in fear of bigotry, deportation, segregation, or random police checks that could end in beatings/murder. You’ve never had to fight for your life. You didn’t struggle to find a job with people judging you on your melanin, or where you were born, or your hairstyle for that matter, let alone a solid well-paying career.

You think that by staying out of it, you are fine, and will not be affected, and that is 100% true. Your life will not change one bit, by you ignoring the struggles of others. You will not know the pain of walking down the street and being called names based on your skin colour. Your days will continue on as they always have, easy breezy lemon squeezy. That is white privilege.

And I get it. I totally obviously do. Maybe not to the extent of my boss being that he’s male, but I’m a white woman living in a fairly white society, and I have a good paying job and a house and a car and life is good for me. But I have also been on the other side of things.

I was a white woman in Kenya.

I was lower than low. I was a woman, which is difficult enough even for Kenyan women, and I was white. I was a Muzungu. I walked down the street and had that insult hurled in my face on the daily, among MANY others.  It’s the equivalent of being called a N****r here in North America but for whites. Not everyone appreciated me being there. They thought I was there to steal their jobs and their money and whatever else goes through a racists head. I had to walk with E or my farm boy or a crown of neighbors when I went to town for my own safety.

So when I talk about white privilege, yes, I get it. I have it. I am privileged here in Canada. But I am actively choosing not to be blinded by it. I know from personal experience how it feels to be judged by my skin color, and nothing else.Those people in Kenya didn’t know anything about me other than the fact I was white, and still assumed I was a horrible individual based on that fact alone. And since then, remembering how I felt, the feeling of being unsafe, or almost in constant fear, I have consciously made a decision to never judge anyone based on skin color, tone, hair, or where they were born etc.

I will however form my opinion of you based on how you treat myself and other humans around you.

So yes, I understand “politics” can get annoying, or draining and you don’t want to talk about it sometimes, but that’s what privilege does. Makes you think you are safe and secure in your own little bubble. Allowing you to feel it unnecessary to join in with these situations.

But I’m saying maybe step out of your bubble for a second and stand back to take a look at the actual shit going on in the world. Not to fan the flame and spread hate and oppression, but to support the people who need it. Especially if you are in a position to do so.


-DC Talk/Coloured People-