I Drink ‘Til I’m Drunk, Smoke ’til I’m High / I Stay Fresh As Hell, Take A Pic, Might As Well

Friday was our work Christmas party.

It was your pretty standard office party. Me, along with my boss A with his wife then my co-worker J and her husband. My boss’s parents even joined us for the first bit, as they live here in Kelowna and he started the company. So as per usual I was the perfect 7th wheel. Story of my life.

We started off with some axe throwing which was a good way to get some angry energy out. Just picture everything you’ve ever hated at the center of the target and throw away. I was excellent at it. I have a lot of things to envision at the moment. Well mainly one, but I used it a lot.  A’s mom didn’t hit the target once and I felt so bad for her, but she was just wildly throwing all over the place it was pretty funny in a pathetic way. Actually his wife barely got anything either now that I think of it. Woman in my group that night are not doing us any favours in the “anything guys can do we can do to” area. But I enjoyed it nonetheless. From there we went to a little hole in the wall niche pub and started with a few appetizers and drinks and I found a game/deck of cards with music questions so we fooled around with that for a bit while we waited for our reservation to open up next door.

A’s parents left us after a couple drinks and we headed to dinner around 9. Actually I should rephrase that. It was this really fancy hipster place where steak was $110 and the rest were basically tapas, so instead of dinner, we all shared about 10 tapas ranging from bone marrow to duck balls to curried carrots. All fancy, but not filling stuff. There was another bottle of wine, a couple of sangrias, and a few vodka sodas. So basically on top of the drinks from the previous joint, all this between the 5 of us, and these tiny fancy sophisticated tapas, the table was getting drunk.

Well, to be honest, the four of them were much more far gone than I was. Yea I can get drunk but it seems like it takes a lot more for me. Either way, A suggested we move venues and so we headed out. After a short walk down the street we ended up at THE white-est Irish pub known to mankind. O’Flannigans. Like it doesn’t get more Caucasian than that. But they were ready to dance (if that was possible) and I wasn’t going to stop 4 drunk people from having their fun. We headed in and ordered a round of beers and that’s when I was like ok… If I have to spend the rest of my night here, I’m gonna need to step my game up to take off the pain of this music. So we started shots. A promised me that every shot I took he would take as well, but I could tell he was already smashed so I told him it wasn’t worth it, and that he couldn’t keep up. I was right. I did 4 shots off the bat and then the band came on. They were actually a pretty decent cover band and I’ll have to admit since they didn’t play country music, that it wasn’t all that bad. I did a few more shots through the night rounding off at about 10 and bummed a few drags off a couple different groups of people outside so by then, I was feeling ok. A was so wasted after 3 shots with me that he kept insisting he could find me a guy in the pub. I was like buddy, trust me. There is not a single guy in this entire vicinity that I would come close to fucking. Not even close. Then he kept saying how about that one, or that one. And I was just like dude. You have known me how long and your even suggesting that you could find someone for me in an Irish pub where I can stand up and literally see over the heads of the majority of the crowd just shows how very little you know me. Plus hun, I don’t need nor do I want your help getting a guy. Especially if you think these guys have a chance. It’s just embarrassing for both of us.

J and her husband had to leave around midnight since their babysitter needed to head home, which was unfortunate because right after they left 3 drag queens walked in. I went and joined Sparkle, Alexa and Ella at their table and that’s when MY party got started. We did a few more shots and danced a while before A dragged himself off his chair (where I swore he almost fell asleep a few times) to let me know they had to head out. His wife was so disappointed and kept telling me she could’ve danced the whole night, but A wanted to go home and check on the dogs (lame) so I figured I would leave then too. O’Flannigans wasn’t my spot of choice in the first place, so I wasn’t staying alone.

All in all, it was a decent night. I looked more then hot. 15 drinks down. New food experienced. A joint smoked. Dancing with drag queens. Snuck into 2 other peoples random selfies. Danced with 2 guys who you know thought they were getting lucky before I walked away. Only inappropriately touched once. And managed to taxi home to the sitter without fucking anyone.

Productive.


-Bruno Mars, Kodak Black, Gucci Mane/Wake Up In The Sky-

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We Gon’ Party Like It’s Your Birthday And You Know We Don’t Give A Fuck It’s Not Your Birthday!

Yesterday was my birthday.

I feel like that’s all that needs to be said. Since my day was as lame as that sentence.

I “celebrated” 31 years of life by just making it through the day.

No cake.

No gifts.

No flowers.

No nothing.

No one even told me Happy Birthday to my face until I lost my temper with little E over something petty at night and raised my voice (which I hardly do), and so I had to apologize to him. I explained that even though it wasn’t an excuse, I was feeling frustrated that it was my birthday and I had had a bad day, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on him. So that made him cry and then it made me cry and that made me feel even more shitty. All because I was feeling sorry for myself.

So I called him over and gave him a hug and he explained that he felt bad for not saying Happy Birthday and I told him I wasn’t mad at him at all, I was just pouting. So we hugged and that was my one “Happy Birthday” all day.

It’s stupid and pathetic, and normally I don’t make a big deal about my birthday anyways, but this year I thought it might be different.

It wasn’t.

And the reality of that hurt more than anything I could imagine.


-50 Cent/In Da Club-

Here Come Bad News, Talking This And That Well, Give Me All You Got, And Don’t Hold It Back Well, I Should Probably Warn You I’ll Be Just Fine No Offense To You, Don’t Waste Your Time Cause I’m Happy

Update…I’m alive.

Super alive.

Thanks for everyone’s concerns/comments about how I should choose to live my life, but I had a great night.

Go ahead and read while I write a blog that makes me sound like a complete bitch (opposed to all my other ones lol) but keep in mind, he’s the one who kept asking to come… I’m the one who chose him.

It was a good choice. Like all my other previous dozens of guys considering this wasn’t my first time as many of you thought, but thanks for the warnings.

So, he brought some vodka soda’s, we threw on Netflix, some random movie he picked although it’s irrelevant because we didn’t watch any of it, and about half way into my second drink practically 5 minutes into the movie, he asked me I wanted his infamous back rub. Ahhh duh, of course I did. I didn’t just want it, I’d been craving something like it. So I downed my drink and we moved it to the bedroom and he gave me a half decent, partially non-sexual back-rub before I asked him for another drink. I chugged the drink and then I literally just enjoyed over an hour of him rubbing me and him getting me off, while turning him down every time he asked if I wanted him to stick his dick in me.

I told him straight up from the start I didn’t want to have sex, but I selfishly took whatever else he was going to give me in the pursuit of it. It definitely fulfilled my need for human contact, because he tried EVERYTHING, and it was wonderful!

Then, when all was said and done… for me at least, I said he should probably go, which he did.

And I had the best sleep… I woke up with a headache from the 4+ drinks I had but other than that, I’m in a great mood today.

I did my hair and make up this morning, and even wore a skirt to work. Like I actually put in effort to get ready. I feel better. Relieved even. It was a good night. The only downside is that he was a short mother fucker lol. So, I think if I continue this kind of “self-care” lol, it’s 6 foot+ or no go. I just don’t feel like they’re manly next to me if they’re basically the same size or maybe even smaller. Doesn’t mean they can’t be a great fit for someone else! Just not me at close to 5’10.

So thus concludes my update on “How I avoided falling into depression 2018“. Stay tuned for the next chapter… “6 foot 4 or more”    😉


-Pharrell Williams/Happy-

 

Such A Lonely Day And It’s Mine The Most Loneliest Day Of My Life

So, my lawyer is now also not responding to my emails, which means we will be closing in on 4 years this February as far as how long this divorce is taking. I was only married for 4.5 years before I filed for divorced so this has officially become so ridiculous that I feel I have little left to say on the matter.  Other than maybe it would be better off to be rich. To be able to afford a lawyer who gives a shit about my case. Who actually invests time and energy in getting things done for me because I’d be someone more valuable to them.

Seems the theme of my week. People only wanting me for what they can get out of me. I feel so empty, like I’m constantly doing things for other people and have very little, if no return on my out pouring of love.

It’s hard and leaves things very unbalanced and hollow. Drained.

I had my work Christmas party on Saturday. Which I attended alone. Which sucked. To be the third wheel, or in this case the 5th wheel. To not be able to take part in conversation because it was very “coupled” centered. I found myself with my thoughts drifting off for most of the night, as hard as I was trying to partake in the event. It’s just that my life doesn’t align with their’s, which is fine, but I was basically pouting for the night.

They were all drinking and enjoying their loved ones, and I was just there. Alone. Not nearly as drunk as them, since I’m not a big drinker. I ended up leaving early because my babysitter needed to get home, which was fine by me, gave me an excuse to leave. And they ended up going to a third venue without me, which was probably for the best.

I’m just getting annoyed at being alone.

Yet at the same time, being stuck with E who won’t sign the damn papers and let me be free.

It’s literally the worst irony ever.


-System Of A Down/Lonely Day-