It’s Beauty In The Struggle, Ugliness In The Success Hear My Words Or Listen To My Signal Of Distress

My sister N and her husband D had their first baby yesterday.

A cute little girl with a massive mouth the size of N’s…. but I didn’t say that… out loud. That’s the thing about newborns. They really aren’t that cute. Oh of course everyone says they’re adorable, and they are! New life and all that good stuff is amazing. But they are also butt ugly. Eyes too big for their heads, swollen lips and genitals from being pushed through the birth canal. You really can’t fault them for not being able to put their best foot forward when they literally have no choice but come head first. (Oh my god I’m so clever lol) But we as a ‘nice polite society’ have taken it upon ourselves to be overly kind and say each and every baby is beautiful and adorable, just to not hurt feelings. Whatever. Point is, they don’t stay that way forever and for the most part turn our adorable anyways.

My kids were AWFUL  looking, like fricken toads slash chubby sumo wrestlers and now I’ll be honest and say they’re gonna go on and break hearts one day. Things change. No big deal. I think it was worse trying to agree with someone when they would comment on my newborn as they were saying something like “oh he’s so cute” knowing deep down myself that he looked like a turd by society’s standards, because I knew it didn’t matter. I knew I loved him, and I know looks are only skin deep. So why can’t we be honest if someone is not that attractive? Like why do we have to go to such great lengths that we lie about it?  If you don’t think they are cute, I’m not saying call it out and say they look ugly, because that’s only your opinion. But I’m thinking you don’t have to lie about it just to go along with the crowd and do what’s always been done, kinda in a save face sort of way. It is possible to just keep your mouth shut and carry on with your day. I’m jus sayin’.

Anyways, my sister is so happy that the baby came early, since she wasn’t due until Friday June 29th, which is the day after we leave for Kelowna, so she’s glad we get to meet baby F at our going away dinner tomorrow night.

Since these are our last few days here, I have so much to do, which is why I’m 100% procrastinating and blogging instead. It gets to the point where I plan it all in my head, then put it off and put it off, and then at the last-minute work really hard under pressure. At least that’s how I hope it goes this time lol. Either that or it’ll be a chaotic mess and I’ll end up running around like a chicken with my head cut off, but so far the former has worked for me.

“Kon Marieing ” my life has made this move so much easier. I don’t have a lot of useless shit to pack. Plus we’ve been living at my parents house since April when my house sold and basically have just our one suitcase each, so that’s all I have to worry about packing this time around.

Last week I made the final “installment” if you will on my house deposit and paid all the lawyer fees etc. I’ve decided to leave Thursday after work and drive part way, then stay at a hotel for one night before doing the other half of the drive on Friday. Originally I was going to do it all in one shot, but I figured it’ll just be easier on the kids to do only about 8 hours on Friday… we’ll see. Then we’ll stay at my Aunt’s in Kelowna on Friday night and meet my realtor on Saturday at the new house for the keys. I arranged for our storage bin to be dropped off on Friday so we have the whole long weekend to unpack and get settled. Oh shit I just remembered I still have to set up utilities. Add another thing to the ever growing to-do list. Next Monday the kids will go see the daycare they’ll be at for the summer and get a quick tour, and then Tuesday I’m back at work. And that will be that. Seems like a plan, but we’ll see what else life throws at me between now and then.

Whatever happens I plan on blogging more regularly once I’m there.

Living with my parental unit has not been the most enjoyable thing and I’ve just had everything in my life rearranged. But hopefully things will get more settled soon and I’ll be back to me, but a newer improved version of me.

So, I figure that’s enough wasting time, and I should go and get some of my stuff prepped… like utilities for example lol.

Til next time, which might be from our new home, C.


-J. Cole/ Love Yourz-

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Hey Big Spender Spend A Little Time With Me

My last couple days have been super productive. Although you wouldn’t know it here since I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve just been feeling a big push to get a bunch of stuff done before the big return to school and just everything that fall brings. Maybe my vitamin shots have helped with the energy too.

So with that said, this past weekend I feel like I spent every dollar I had to my name! It started when I took Little E back to school shopping. Albeit he was far from the problem. In the morning we went through his drawers to get a better sense of what he already had, what fit and what needed to be donated. After he tried on every bottom he owned we discovered that after wearing shorts all summer, none of his jeans/long pants fit anymore (seriously child just stop growing already). So we made a mental note of what we would need and arranged to meet E at the mall. E had just gotten off of work and still needed help with getting flights to Kenya for his fathers funeral, so I figured we could just kill two birds with one stone.

I asked E to take Z and check out a travel agent while at the mall since he informed me that he still hadn’t found flights online (apparently “The Google” was to complicated for him), so E & Z went off and Little E and I started our shopping. In true male form Little E is not a fan of shopping. He was nice about it, and not annoying but every time I suggested something, he would say no thanks, I don’t need it. I did manage to get him to try on a few pairs of jeans and bought 3 that fit. But even when it came to running shoes, I was planning on buying him 2 new pairs, one for indoor at school and one new one pair just to have for everyday use. But little E was insistent on just buying one pair for indoor shoes, saying the pair he’s using now was good enough and that I should “save my money’… So I’m not sure if I should be proud of what I’ve taught him about money/budgets or embarrassed that he thinks I need to save my money? In the end though, as far as school stuff, he ended up with a few pairs of pants, his new Nikes (tradition) and a backpack that in my opinion looks to big but little E loves because who doesn’t love Under Armour? As well as the standard new socks and a couple shirts.

So if that wasn’t enough, in waltzes E letting me know he found a flight. So off we go to pay for an overly inflated flight because it’s through a travel agency and y’all know they have to take their huge cut off the top. But hey it’s E’s decision since he’s paying me back for every cent of that flight. So I drop near three grand on E’s flights (Hey Big $pender) and he headed off this past Sunday to put his Father to rest. And me being how I am, sent him a sms this morning reminding him that today his child support is due today as well as the rest of the money for the flight, because life goes on for the living.

So then, because I guess I felt that the cash I spent on Saturday wasn’t enough or something, I went on Sunday and bought a new computer. I don’t know why I say “new” like I have an old one to compare it to lol. I gave my last laptop to my sister N and her husband D when their apartment burned down a couple years ago (shortly when I returned from Kenya) and they pretty much lost everything. When that happened I started them a go fund me page and raised a few grand directly through that page as well as cash and items that were directly donated to them after we realized go fund me took a portion of the money raised. See what a good sister I am? lol. Anyways, so I bought a new desktop computer on Sunday. Partly for myself so I don’t have to continue attempting to do everything required to run my house effectively through my phone, but also, Little E will be needed some more experience with computers (and Z too I suppose) since life revolves around them now. I choose a desktop just to eliminate the argument of where is it/can I take it to my room/ why isn’t it charged that can come with a laptop or ipad.

So those of you thinking it through… Yes, up until now I’ve almost exclusively written all my posts from my phone (apart from 2 or 3 at work on my lunches). So just think of how much better my formatting and grammar will be when I can actually see the whole screen!!! I’m super excited. The computer is supposed to be delivered tomorrow, but since we head out on Friday for a couple days for my Grandma’s memorial, don’t expect to see a change on here for at least a week. Also if the delivery is late… well sucks to be me, because it will be sitting in my backyard/front step for a week until I get back (even though I was guaranteed delivery yesterday) and common… we all know a new computer won’t last a week in my backyard.

THEN, just because I’m in the money spending mood, I’ve finally figured out where and when I’m going to go on my cruise. I decided, since I’ve always wanted to go to Jamaica, that it will be a stop on my cruise. I’ve been doing research on different cruise lines and which ones are best for kids, and how they operate their “kids clubs.”

I found that most cruise lines have the kids clubs grouped ages 3-5/6-8/9-12 which for me I don’t think would work well, since Z takes time to get adjusted to new situations, unless she is with her brother. So if I want to be able to enjoy any time alone, and actually relax on this vacation, I need Z to feel comfortable being left alone in the kids club, which will be much easier if she is allowed to be with Little E. After searching the top 5 family friendly cruise lines, I found that Princess Cruise splits their kids so that the kids aged 3-7 are grouped together. So for my family, that would be perfect! They also have a cruise at the beginning of November with a stop in Jamaica, and although it’s slightly more expensive than some of the other cruises I’ve seen, it comes VERY highly recommended. Also I guess their kids programs are a little more science/education based which I know Little E will love and they have dance programs for Z which I’m just excited for because she’s my dancing queen.

I haven’t told the kids about this trip yet, and I’m thinking about seeing if I can pull off the whole wake the kids up one morning and tell them were going on vacation that day type thing? I just always thought that would be SO much fun and I know Z would be thrilled, but I am a little worried it would throw Little E off his game slightly, since he’s very into routine and schedules. I’ll have to  think it though.

Anyways, that’s what’s new with me.

OHH, also I did a closet clean out on Sunday too (like I said I’ve been busy). I’ve lost a fair amount of weight (almost 20lbs) and a majority of my clothes were very ill-fitting now. So I followed the Marie Kon method of choosing to only keep what sparks joy, and here are the results. (No I don’t have a dresser as well, this is absolutely all the clothing I own)

I need someone to start a go fund me page for me now, so I can afford to buy a new wardrobe that fits lol.


-Shirley Bassey/Big Spender-