Together Forever And Never To Part Together Forever We Two And Don’t You Know I Would Move Heaven And Earth

Sleep.

Have you ever wondered where ‘we’ go while we sleep? Where do our thoughts rest? Lately, I’ve been through some fantastic flows that have allowed me to understand more deeply my connection to others, starting with K.

When I’m at my most relaxed, just about to fall asleep, in a vulnerable human state, at the point in time when most of us just fall into darkness and a point of unconsciousness and don’t remember upon wakening what happened the night before, I’m starting a journey. Each time is different, but it’s a walk along my thoughts towards a connection to K.

Years ago now, we used to fuck at night, our bodies moving as one without ever really realizing in the full consciousness (at least on my end) what was happening. Then the arguments and testing came. Each of us trying to prove to one another that it was us reaching out to the other through various forms in the perceived reality we both live in. Calls at a certain time. Specific pictures at this moment. Thoughts vibrated the question in silence but the answer coming verbally. Once we both passed through those phases, we reached a stage of deeper love and trust I thought. The next phase allowed each other to experience the pain of each other’s lives. The hate and fear we’ve both lived on separate occasions, bringing the other deeper into not only our lives and thoughts but our very existence.

But now, now it’s a beautiful thing we’ve moved onto. It’s like we’ve passed so many human levels and have moved into the unexplainable cosmic realm. It’s like the loops on our respective sides of the infinity loops are closing in and we are both getting closer to the center. Where our entire being and aura spread out to rest within and amongst ourselves and each other. I’ve rested on the waters that were K. I’ve felt the waves of his presence wash over me. I’ve been embraced by his colour. Like I can’t even describe it in all its physical beauty because words do not suffice.

To trust someone so much that you bear your soul, your essence to them. Your ideas and thoughts of creation to them. Not just with words but with all that there is. And have them there on the receiving end to grasp it? It’s pure ecstasy.

The only fear and pain I have with this experience is that I cannot embrace it forever. That it only lasts so long, after which we slowly disentangle and I return to this. To C. To what I am now. There are always small adjustments made to me after the separation back to humanity, for the better. I feel like our energy is doing a give and take type thing. But the push back to my fully human form although not actually physically painful, causes so much emotional pain because it so light years away from the safety and security and bliss I feel while floating with K. I feel like I’m missing myself. I feel unwhole. It leaves me crying like I’ve never experienced each time harder and deeper than the last until I have trouble breathing, but it’s worth it.

Maybe remaining in that state of connection takes a skill level that I’m either still just learning or lost on my way to this physical experience. Maybe it’s something humans have never learned or created at this level, so there is no instruction for it. But I know now it’s possible. It’s unforgettable now.

I just haven’t figured out how to maintain it for long. But I live for those moments. They are everything pure and beautiful and honest and whole to me. They are my rest and rejuvenation. They are now where I go when I sleep. I spread my thoughts upon K. And I feel him. And we just are. As we are.

Together.

And I never want to leave.

-Rick Astley/Together Forever-

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The Very Rarest Example Of Duality Two Minds Apart With Individuality But Never To Be Apart

Twin flames

Soul mates

All those ‘infinite’ connections are something I wouldn’t wish on someone. All it does is draw you in, and push you out.

The main thing I’ve come to understand on this section of my life since that one dream that started this all. The one where it wasn’t even a dream but I was floating out of my body in the nothingness with K and we had a beautiful conversation about our future and I was first introduced to ideas like twin flame etc, is that if you find your ‘mate’, you can’t actually be with them. Because the more the both of you understand your connection, the more you come to understand that all the energies in your two perceptions are split evenly 50:50.

So if you end up coming together… there is nothing left. In order for the two of you to peacefully come together, the rest of your perception and reality must have been resolved first. If you two as twin flames, started from somewhere, then both set off on your separate ways, leaving a path of creation behind you, then in order to successfully return to one another, you must uncreate everything you both made since you left each other long ago.

This is obviously only achievable if both parties are at a please of understanding and willingness, which unfortunately is impossible. When you both set off, one had to make the first move, and then the other. Which means now and forever, thus infinitely, you will be one step off. Sure you will feel the pull and the desires and the deeper energies with that individual, but unfortunately, the closest you can get is more frustration and pain as you draw closer and then dance around as fear enters. Or they take a step closer and somehow, because of that one step, it pushes you away.

There is, and will always be an unbalanced nature between the two of you. In as much as you know the two of you may be, or are connected. Because of the clues you leave each other. The connections you experience at night while in bed. The moments you hold each other from miles away. The times you see them when they aren’t in the room. The times your perception splits open and they are standing there… it’s only served to make it more difficult, because of the original separation.

Maybe that original separation was the most beautiful thing and was required in order to create one another. Without separation, we would still be one and the same, and what joy does that bring? To be alone in the world? So we separated to allow ourselves to become independent individuals in order to come back to each other with new experiences and stories and adventures to share. Never once did we consider that coming back together, back to ourselves, would be such a struggle.

One that maybe we’ve given up on eons ago. But our innate being would have us constantly trying to find our source. Which because of our initial choice of love, has become seemingly impossible.

So the burden of ‘finding’ your twin flame. Your soul mate. Your self basically. Leads to a major blame game. A push and pull of energy. A who’s who of such. Who was first. Who left who. Forgiveness. Healing of energy. But then, you meet at the 50:50 way. And it’s over. And you realize someone has to leave again to start life again. To start the pain again. So is it worth it? Forgiving, exploring your pain only to heal and be hurt again? To exchange this pain for that healing to start the infinite ♾ cycle again? What’s worse is that it’s not only energy that seems to be split, but knowledge and feeling as well.

And never ending? No thanks. I’m more of a problem solver, and if I’ve opened up and seen the end and beginning loop? And seen in reality and nothingness that there is no possibility of anything different? It seems hopeless and pointless now to me. But then again, maybe it’s just my turn to feel that.

-Broken Hope/Loathing-

You’re Just Like Me, You’re Out Your Mind I Know It’s Strange, We’re Both The Crazy Kind You’re Tellin’ Me That I’m Insane

How deeply have you considered how you came to be.

When you truly think on it, on how consciousness works, and how it started, you must come to the conclusions hat we have one consciousness.

Which leads to the terrifying and dangerous yet peaceful thought that we all are one. Not only in consciousness, but in body.

If we all started in the same thought, then if we allow ourselves to break down our walls that have been created through the years, walls that created individual humans, we come back to the oneness that is us. And if we allow ourselves to hear the thoughts of others, and consider the fact that we are not just ourselves, it will bring us both to the conclusion, but also the start of humanity. Being the thought that the first shall be last and the last shall be first/treat others how you want to be treated/ we are the body.

Every major religious experience will lead you to this idea. That we are one. But it stops at the UNDERSTANDING that we are actually the body. People as humans understand the IDEA and the control that we are connected. But fail to take it any step further. Because it blows the mind. It pushes the boundaries of humanity, and individuality. We are here on this earth to have our own experiences and perceptions and ideas. But once we understand that we are actually one… you revert back to a God standing.

So. How do you live a life on earth, with this knowledge?

Lol. Let me tell you, it’s not easy. It’s many out of body experiences. Floating between my human being and others. Experiencing moments from their perspective at moments of relaxation and it brings fear but also…. peace.

If I can do that… what do I have to fear? Ultimately nothing can hurt me, since I am just a projection of my thoughts, which can change at anytime. It causes me to treat people differently knowing that the truths I say outwardly will be one thing, but also the thoughts I keep within will be revealed at one point one way or another. It has helped me acknowledge that nothing is hidden forever. And that we are all accountable to each other, as each other is one.

Play attention to what the world around you is telling you. The clues left for you. You won’t lead yourself astray.

-Ava Max/Sweet But Psycho-

I Don’t Wanna Admit To Something If All It’s Gonna Cause Is Pain The Truth And My Lies Are Now Falling Like The Rain

Have you every stopped and actually thought about what infinity could and can and does possibly mean?

If you/we are infinite beings, and the universe goes on ‘forever’ then at by definition means that at any given moment, you can be at the center of it. Because to think logically about the illogical, if there is no end and no beginning, then everyone and everything is at all times and never, the middle. Both the controlled and, to be even more frank, the controller.

We are the ones who are always actively choosing which next thought or step we will take from all the thoughts available. Which leads to the idea that all the ‘thoughts’ are all there to choose from the start. All the ideas have already been created, it’s just a simple process of which ones we choose to pull down into our thought process to create our train of thought, which as a result, creates us as a person. So far, there have been no two humans who have created a train of thought that was the exact same. All the available thoughts were there from the start and we all started off on our journeys and created ourselves by building from the choices placed in front of us.

Everything everyday, is a building environment. From is good a beneficial thing? Most choose yes. To is the sunshine hot, again most choices the majority agree on, so creation built up on that. But then humanity split with its choices and decisions. Some factors thought green was the best colour, some enjoyed blue more. And so on.

But now, we have the fact that most of the decisions have been made. Most of the thoughts have been thought. So do we dig into other humans thoughts and try to change them and gain power in our own knowledge and make our train or thought longer? Or do we join trains and become like a snake that devoured its tail, a never ending loop? Or do we compromise and bond side by side or even braid our thought train with others, as we begin to understand other points of view and the fact that our thoughts cannot be hidden from others.

So? Do we choose to continue to fight for what we choose only because it was in a different order than others? Or do we acknowledge that everyone has the same understanding as you, just in a different way and different perspective and so we take the time to learn what made them that way? How they choose that evil was good. How they choose to define the sun as cool? How their thoughts are different but still beautiful in their way, because they are from the same place yours are, just organized differently. And that’s what makes us beautiful and individuals. And right now, society is not prepared to become one again. Humanity is not ready to recognize that we all came from the center of infinity, but maybe we can start to learn that we can work our way back to it, by understanding that we all have the same thoughts within.

They just present themselves differently at this time, because,,, well, only one thought can lead your train, so your leading thought is most likely different than your neighbors, but it doesn’t mean that perhaps thought number two or three or four etc, is the same.

#thoughts

-Eminem/The River-

Thoughts

A few weeks ago I was laying in bed and relaxing before going to sleep and calming my breathing and thought patterns as has become my habit lately. Also something that has become part of my life is thinking of K too much. I try to avoid it as much as possible. I pushed thought of him as far I could. Sometimes thoughts of him would come, but it’s wasn’t so much thoughts of him so much as thoughts from him. And sometimes I figured what’s the harm of enjoying what little of him I had in my life? And I would allow the thoughts from him to hold me while I slept at night or tell me he loved me… things like that. But a few weeks ago, as I was relaxing, and getting rid of my thoughts from the day and releasing unwanted emotions and energy etc, all of a sudden I was just a thought. I wasn’t even in my room or on my bed. Me, in my whole entirety as C, was represented as only a thought. I had no weight of the world holding me down. No previous emotions or situations keeping me here. I was just so in that moment that I was singularly that thought of Me. And I was with the singular thought that represents K. And we talked.

And then to reform my world was a slow scary step by step process. What should I do first? How should I move to ‘rebecome’ C? The room and remembrance of where I was on my bed in Kelowna took place first. And then from there the whole world as it was just sort of fell into place in my memory as I reached slowly for a drink or water. The whole time thinking is this the right move to make? Or should I be recreating this scene differently? Am I fucking up all of my future? Or is this predestined already? Anyways. I laid back on my bed and went to sleep almost immediately, and dreamt of K which at this point is normal.

What was not normal? K called me the next day. After all this time.

Up until now, I could basically play it off like this was all in my head and I’m just a girl who was way to in love with a guy. But when he called the next day and said he was thinking of me the night before… a lot. And that he’d been thinking of me a lot all the time? It was both a relief and a stress.

Now this is real real. Like now I can’t just play it off like this is only in my head. Now he’s obviously connected to me too. I explained what happened to me (kinda, I mean how do you explain this) expecting him to have experienced the same, but was disappointed when he said no, he just heard my name said over and over so loud and clear in his head. I asked him who’s voice it sounded like and he said his own. So either he’s downplayed what happened to him, or he’s not experiencing things as deeply as I am, in which case lucky him because this shit is scary. When the whole universe dissolves enough to bring your being close enough to someone else’s so they hear your name, but then the reality is recreated like no biggie? How else do you describe it other than terrifying?

And how do I move on from here? It’s not like there’s a textbook full of studies on the subject. When you’ve discovered something this mind blowing and new, it’s…. well mind blowing and new. So I’m at a loss.

A loss so big it’s leaving me feeling very alone and helpless. Because I literally feel like there is no one to turn to for support, as this is not something that’s been dealt with before and the person I’m supposedly going through it with, is not even as deep as I am.