Freedom! Where Are You? Cause I Need Freedom Too! I Break Chains All By Myself Won’t Let My Freedom Rot In Hell

Things are looking up. Way up.

I honestly hardly slept at all last night, for various reasons, but the thought of the court date today was a large component in keeping me up.

I haven’t been this excited/anxious/nervous what have you, for anything in… well I honestly can’t remember anything keeping me up like this except Christmas as a little girl. Not my wedding night. Not giving birth. Like literally nothing has given me the anticipation that this day did ever.

Today at work I was hardly productive. I kept checking the time, and comparing it to the time difference to where the court date was. Calculating in my head how long should my lawyer take before I would hear from him. Would I hear from him? What if it was bad news? What if there was no new? Fuck, what if E showed up somehow and messed up everything? Like, I just couldn’t work today, my thoughts were so distracted.

Finally just after 2:00pm I got an email from my lawyer, and I didn’t read it right away. I took a minute to compose myself. Reminding myself that nothing was set in stone, and it could still go one of two ways. Well it could go any way imaginable, but not to assume it was going to go the way I wanted it to, considering things with E never have.

So then when I finally opened the email, I could’ve cried (probably not but you get my excitement level), but my boss was standing right there, so instead I read it out loud. Yeah, my boss knows way to much about my personal life, but that’s what happens when there’s only 3 of you guys in the entire company and you relocate provinces together.

Anyways, word for word, here’s the email from my lawyer.

“C.

We were successful  in obtaining an order to sever the corollary relief today. We also obtained an order giving you primary parenting and day to day decision making for the children as well as child support in the amount based on an income of $XX,XXX per year.

We are going to draft the divorce documents. We will be in touch in due course as to what needs to be done in order to finalize this.

We’re almost done!”

I. Was. So. Happy. I literally didn’t know what to do. I think I’ve re-read it 4 times since, just to make sure it’s not a dream. Yes, there’s still a little bit of work to be done, but this is more progress in one day than what’s been made in 4.5 years.

I can move without E having anything to do with it, as it should be. I can file for maintenance enforcement, and the kids can live a much better quality of life, and soon, officially, I can say I’m divorced. I feel such relief that I don’t even know how to put it into words.

And yeah, now I’ve started crying as I write this. Because that man had such a hold on my life. I felt like I couldn’t be happy, and this just feels like such a break through. I feel like I can start living now. No clue where or how to start, but I can start really living.

You guys, it’s like after over 4 YEARS of this burden, I might actually have been set free. The whole premise and reason I started this blog was to relieve the weight of E, to tell my story in my own words, and maybe find love again.

So maybe, I’m on my way.


-Beyonce ft. Kendrick Lamar/Freedom-

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You Spin My Head Right Round, Right Round Just Like My Mind Where I’m Goin’

You guys. My life should literally be a hit TV show. The drama is NEVER ENDING!!!!

Ok. Buckle up and get ready. Or sit down with a cup of coffee/tea/hot chocolate (no judgement) and relax, whichever suits your fancy. But here’s the latest saga of my crazy life.

So, my new lawyer went on Monday to special chambers (should that be capitalized? Does it matter?) to get an order to dispense of E’s dower right’s on my house. Basically to let me sell it without his “permission.” The outcome on Monday was bitter sweet. First, technically, the order was granted. BUT (there’s always a but), unfortunately my lawyer made an error in the letter that he sent to E’s lawyer. So E’s lawyer thought the appearance was yesterday (Tuesday) instead of Monday. Therefore, the order from Monday was pretty much pointless and my lawyer, being the decent guy he was, went again yesterday to court meeting E’s lawyer. The upside is that he wasn’t going to charge me for both, geez thanks.

Yep. On Tuesday the order was granted again, BUT (yes again), it’s conditional on me providing the purchase documents of my new Kelowna property.

So, lol, the problem with this is some time over the past couple days, I can’t even remember the exact day anymore with all this craziness, it came to light that the new property management company of the park where the place was that I was going to buy, implemented a new month to month lease agreement. So on the recommendation from my realtor as well as a few other people in my life with real estate experience, I backed out of that house deal. Basically, if I bought that particular house, I would be living in a place that I might have to move out of in a months notice, and I just didn’t need that stress on top of everything else. You know what they say, pick your battles.

So, yes… the order was granted, but on the condition that I provide the purchase documents on this Kelowna house, which I can no longer do. So I emailed my lawyer last night after he told me the jist of things and I explained what had happened regarding my Kelowna place. I explained that I do still plan on moving, as well as purchasing a new place, but just not that particular one, and asked how badly does that fuck everything up… not in those words though.

Fast forward to today, where I have to cut a $14,000+ check to release my current mortgage, and my realtor’s saying the keys have been released etc. So I’m feeling like I’m in a catch 22 seeing how everyone is moving along as if things are just dandy. I already let my lawyer know what the deal is. And so if he’s informing everyone the order’s good to go, maybe I should just ride with that. But, maybe for some reason he didn’t get my email about the Kelowna property and thinks everything is kosher, which is why they are processing everything as if there is no longer an issue.

I don’t want to put to much in writing to my realtor or real estate lawyer just in case they are allowed to move ahead anyways. I don’t wanna make a move that fucks things up even more. So since I’ve sent my email last night to my lawyer and again one this morning to his assistant, I think that’s good on my part? No? Yes?

Aghhh, I hope it’s good. Because living with my mom again who expects to have hour long pointless conversations every night is enough stress in my life at this point lol.


-Flo Rida/Right Round-

Why Do I Give Valuable Time To People Who Don’t Care If I Live Or Die / In My Life Why Do I Smile At People Who I’d Much Rather Kick In The Eye?

Frustrated. I guess that would be the only way to suitably and simply describe how I’m feeling now.

I’m stuck when it comes to my divorce. I feel any move I attempt to make will only be detrimental to my case and I hate that feeling.

Last you heard, I had contacted my lawyer and he sent an email saying something along the lines of us being very close to completion, but I just had to update my Legal Aid file. But when I contacted Legal Aid, they informed my that there was in fact nothing wrong with my file, but while they had me on the phone, they decided to do an update on my file.

I knew that would only turn out bad for myself since I know I make more than the limit now allowed for coverage by them. Turns out I was right. The lady on the phone said they would contact my lawyer, informing him of the situation. If the case was near completion (which it technically was, as mentioned by my lawyer, but knowing E it could still take years) then they would allow him to finish it off under my files current ticket with the subsidized coverage. If my lawyer felt it still had a lot longer to go, then he would have to wrap up whatever had been done thus far, and I could choose to either proceed with him, at full cost, or find a new lawyer, again paying full price.

Fast forward to today… and I still haven’t heard from ANYONE. So I feel like if I make a move and reach out to anyone, it might shine light on circumstances that might be better left hidden ie how much I make. Maybe my lawyer is wrapping things up and we are almost done like his previous email said, although that was like Christmas time-ish if I’m not mistaken so I’m doubtful that’s the case.

Agh, I just hate my divorce being basically controlled by others who realllllly don’t give a fuck. No-one cares that I’ve been dealing with this shit for FOUR GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKEN DRAWN OUT MESSED UP ANNOYING AS ALL HELL YEARS. 

Four years. I could’ve gotten a University degree. Shit I could’ve been over halfway to becoming my own Lawyer at this point. At least then I would’ve known that without a doubt my legal counsel had my best interests in mind at all times. But nope. I’m sitting here feeling like my hands are tied. My lawyer doesn’t care, and E is just playing his continuous games.

If I had wanted to remain married for 8.5 years, I would’ve just stayed with E in Kenya.

I don’t.

I didn’t

I want to be divorced from that man.

Now.

And forever.

I’m not waiting for death to part us.


-The Smiths/Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now-

I’m Not Angry, I’m Just Saying Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance

So where to begin.

I feel like ranting about every little thing in my life, which I won’t, however easy it would be.

My lawyer contacted me saying E didn’t actually sign the papers like he said he did (which I think I mentioned already). On top of that, he denied me ever telling/discussing the move with him, let alone him agreeing to it. So he had been ignoring my calls/texts/emails EVERYTHING for the last month and a half.

When I finally got a hold of him, he told me he’s been at work this whole time. Suuuure you have, it’s like he forgot I’m a payroll/HR specialist and know ALL the rules about how long he can be at camp for. Which means last rotation on his 10 days off while he was in town, he ignored all my calls and choose not to see the kids. Yes, that also means he hasn’t spoken to/seen them in close to two months now… maybe more I can’t even remember. All because he realized he got caught in his newest lie where he said he signed the papers but he didn’t, so now he’s to scared to answer the phone because he knows why I’m calling.

Fuck I can’t believe I ever married this guy.

Next, Little E’s teacher has been driving me crazy. I don’t know if she’s on some power trip or what, but in her newest move, she kept a few kids in during recess because they got ONE answer wrong on a quiz, and so she wouldn’t let them eat their morning snack while she made them clean other kids cubby’s out. I found out about it because when I asked Little E about his day, his first response was how he was SOOO hungry at lunch, which led me to ask why, etc. etc.

I can’t remember if I’ve ranted about Ms. C before, but in the incident before this (not even the first one, just previous to this, that’s how many there are in this saga), Little E came home from school and when I asked if there was anything exciting at school, he told me how his entire class had to run to the library so that a kid wouldn’t hit them. Umm, what??? Yeah, he says, then the librarian told them to run to the Gr. 6 room and wait quietly. Say WHAT!!!!!

What the hell is with all this running? And who’s hitting? And is there a note from your teacher? Nothing. I asked all the questions I could, and Little E did the best he could to explain, but since nothing had been explained to the class themselves other than RUN, he really had zero information to relay to me. So I emailed Ms. C, who didn’t even respond, but instead (since I’ve questioned her ONCE in the past, and I’m pretty sure she’s intimidated by me since I’m not a grade two-er she can boss around) she passed me off to a school counselor who replied with a half-baked email stating the privacy of our children is most important and the kids were safe at all times, and therefore nothing more would be provided to me.

Umm, no. That doesn’t answer my question. I understand if you have a special needs child who was perhaps having a seizure or something, but send an email or note home to the parents that an incident occurred that day so we aren’t wondering what happened. Especially in this day and age with all the ridiculousness that could potentially happen in schools. I just want to know, and be informed. So that I can know MY child is also safe. That way when I call Ms. C an idiot, at least I do it with all the correct backing knowledge lol. Anyways, it’s getting to the point, where I’m half considering moving Little E to a different class. Mainly because Ms. C is frustrating on so many levels and refuses to work with me. She won’t even respond to my emails, and it’s not like I’m hounding her, I’ve sent her 3 the entire year, and 2 were a back and forth conversation, the third most recent one she didn’t respond to. So most people I’ve discussed this with, think I should take it to the Principal. Thoughts?

Also, Christmas is coming up… so there’s that. My work is doing our thing this Saturday night which originally K said he would come to, but now he’s mad at me for something I legitimately don’t know what. And every time we talk since Friday when this ‘incident’ where I messed up doing I’m not sure what, because no matter how many times I ask he won’t say, he’s gotten more and more enraged. When I ask him to tell me what I did, he says I’m not an idiot I should know. He won’t just explain it to me. So, I’ve tried apologizing although I’m not sure what I’m saying sorry for and I think that makes him more mad each time I do. So then I don’t say anything and that also infuriates him, because he keeps asking if I have anything else to say, and since apologizing makes him mad, I don’t want to do that, but I honestly don’t know what he’s expecting at this point.  Unfortunately I’m not sure what to do now, and he’s at the point where he is so mad at me, that I feel a little uneasy. He’s speaking in terms that slightly scare me, so I’ve decided to take a step back. I have to protect myself and more importantly my children.

So because of that, unless there’s some sort of miracle, it looks like I’ll be going to my Christmas party solo for two years in a row… despite promises on his part denoting otherwise. I think he might honestly just be nervous to meet more people in my life and this might be his excuse. So I’ll just let him have it. Although he did come to my parents house for my birthday dinner with myself and the kids which was so nice of him. He met my parents for the first time and they loved him. He even went back the next day and lad lunch with my mom and worked on his resume alone with her… I can only imagine what they chatted about for that hour.

But anyways, I’ll probably also have to let the kids know that K won’t be coming to Christmas at my parents house on Christmas Eve because of this, which sucks because I know it’s my fault for getting their hopes up. It’s my fault for setting them up for disappointment, and I’ve learned my lesson. I just thought after a year and a half, I could trust him more.

I have only myself to blame for the feeling of hope my kids will lose. And as far as K and I go, if he wants to hold onto his anger, and won’t tell me what I did so I can at least get on the right track in rectifying it, then I just have to let him make his choice. If he chooses to stay mad, and not communicate, I will have nothing left but to choose to retreat.

Because at this point I see no other option.


-Shinedown/Second Chance-

Now You’re Out Here Looking Like Regret Ain’t Too Proud To Beg, Second Chance You’ll Never Get

So, I got an update from my lawyer. After constantly harassing him about updates in regards to the divorce (obviously, why else would I bother my lawyer) he finally told me last week that the only thing that E was yet to agree on was the Section 7 expenses. Basically the past money he owes me for the kids.  Details here – (B*tch Better Have My Money, Pay Me What You Owe Me

So I planned in my head to use this as a bargaining chip in my conversation with E. In my mind, I honestly thought I would have to convince him to ‘let’ me move with the kids. Just based on his previous reactions to, well to anything in life and how difficult he is with everything I guess I prematurely assumed this would also be a fight. So in my mind, I prepared a bargaining chip before I even called E to tell/ask him about the move. Old habits die hard.

My lawyer had advised me that if I had a verbal agreement between myself and E, then I could move the kids to Kelowna with no issues/court involvement, and that’s what I was aiming for. If E did have an issue with it however, it could move to me having to file some sort of court order to move, which would lead to more delays and just aggravation in general.

So I decided that if he was going to make it difficult, I was honest to whatever God going to offer him all his section 7 expenses in return for the move. The thing is, I know money is more valuable to E than time with the children, so I was quite confident that that play on my part would work if necessary. Turns out though, that E surprised even me!

When I called, I started off the conversation asking why he was still delaying in signing the Section 7 part. Because it was my understanding that we both just wanted to put this whole divorce behind us, I mean we’re in the fourth year for goodness sake. That’s when he shocked me by saying he had just emailed his lawyer that morning saying he agreed to everything, and to wrap it up.

I was shook (I never use that word, but I was beyond shocked and it seems fitting) First, there goes my ace card, not that it looked like I would need it, but secondly and more importantly, the end to this ridiculous farce of a marriage seemed in sight! But because E is E, and I can no longer believe a single word that passed through his lips, I asked him to forward me the email that he sent to his lawyer… just to make sure. I stalled on the phone while I waited for the email to come through, and then sure enough there it was. Plain as day. E agreeing to pay out all the thousands of dollars he owes me. In writing.

So that was good.

But now how do I explain Kelowna with no leverage?

So I just started in. I lead with the fact that my work was considering relocating (not a lie) and so I might have to move with the kids to BC, and how did he feel about it? I also explained that I would consider paying half of either his flights or bussing for when/if he came to visit the kids so he understood that I wasn’t trying to move to ‘take them from him’. But he was uncharacteristically very understanding. He said if it’s for work than it’s ok.

I didn’t believe him. Probably because I’ve learned my lesson with E, and I know I can’t take ANYTHING he says at face value. So I asked him repeatedly if he had any questions or concerns. He said no. So I tried again, wanting to know if he had ANY issues with me moving our children further away from him? He said no.

So I figured I should just take that answer and run with it, before anything changed… because with E there is always change.

I got off the phone and emailed my lawyer and let him know that I had a verbal agreement from E in regards to the move. I also forwarded E’s email to his lawyer, to my lawyer (make sense?), so my lawyer could move forward with finalizing everything. I feel like I say that a lot, but while dealing with E, there’s a lot of back and forth, so at least now I had a “e-paper trail” so to speak.  I also confirmed with my boss that E would not be an issue with the move and we could continue with our plans.

So things were a go….

Until not more than 6 hours later I get this.

FullSizeRender
E’s message

I KNEW in that time (well I didn’t know but I STRONGLY felt) that E had probably contacted his lawyer and now was fishing for more information.  Now don’t get it twisted, I’ve told E where I work, multiple times, since his memory is terrible. But I didn’t want to tell him in this moment in case it wrecked things for me. So I tried calling him, and he ignored me calls, even though I could see he was online via WhatsApp (SO FRUSTRATING).

Once I finally got a hold of him, and asked him why he wanted to know, his first response? “It has nothing to do with the case” So I knew immediately that it had everything to do with the “case” and therefore my suspicions were confirmed. I asked him what it mattered to him, and reminded him that I’d told him before, so it’s nothing I’m hiding. So on the phone I asked AGAIN, if he was ok with me, and therefore the kids moving. He once again said yes.

So I again said ok, and said my good byes, also that I would try to call with the kids on the weekend.

Now I’ve gotten my updated letter of settlement and my lawyer put a small “clause’ in there if you will about how despite everything previously agreed upon, E agrees to ‘let’ me move to Kelowna with the kids and I’ll give him access to the kids while there.

I’m hoping this settles things.

But if I’ve learned anything with E… expect the unexpected and never trust anything he says.


-Demi Lovato/Sorry Not Sorry-