If You Find There The Meaning Of What Happiness Is Then A New Life Will Begin

I got a cat.

If you knew me before, you’d think wtf C. You hate animals. Which is exactly what my older sisters response was when I posted about him on Instagram. But the thing is, people can change. People can grow. People can realize that maybe the circumstances under which they were living their lives previously were not ones which they chose themselves. So people can evolve to recreate their own more suitable environment in which they will thrive.

Me. I’m people.

And in this case I was at the point of such loneliness that I decided that I would overcome my fear of animals, yes I said fear, and adopt a cat. You see by this point in my life, every circumstance and previous interaction had built up not only a dislike of cats and dogs, but a small fear. They bite. They scratch. They were just an overall nuisance in my mind.  And to be honest they would mess up my very organized life. Potential poop everywhere. Extra expense. Hair. The list could on and on. Not to mention the most important fact being, I am supposedly allergic to fur and feathers. At least I was back in the day.  This was of course found out at a young age when I went for a horseback ride at my great-uncles farm for 0.02 seconds and had to be pulled off the horse and thrown in the shower to wash off the horse hair as my mom called the ambulance. The result are hazy to me since I remember mostly not breathing, and flaring up like the GOODYEAR blimp as far as the rash went. But after a series of allergy tests soon after, it was determined that animals were not in my future thanks to allergies to fur and feathers and the dander found in them. So we said goodbye to the cat and bird we currently had and miraculously my life long eczema I’d been living with started to get better. Yeah… you’d think my parents would’ve considered that possibility sooner.

Anyways, that’s probably another reason I don’t really like animals. We’ve been enemies so to speak from the start.

But here I am. Almost 32 years old and finding out that yep. I want to add another dimension to my life. So I haven’t had an allergic reaction in a long time. A bunch of my friends have dogs and I’m at their houses all the time. Granted I’m not letting the dogs lick my face or anything (ew on so many levels) but I’m not ending up at the hospital in any case. We house sat for our friends a while back while they went to Zambia and they had the 3 cats. We fed them and did the poop duty, and I was fine. So I’ve come to think at this point in my life I’m pretty sure I can’t use the allergy excuse anymore. I’m thinking I’ve outgrown it.

So, since I’ve moved to Kelowna, I’ve been considering a pet. I know at this point in our life we don’t have the time to invest in a dog. The walking everyday and all that. The kids are in school and I’m at work and I’m NOT willing to have accidents in the house from a puppy. So I’ve been browsing the SPCA site every once in while, just to see what was there, but not telling the kids. Then last week I saw him. His name was Baxter, and he is a 14 years old domestic long haired (I may or may not have choose him based on how well he would match my house, I’ll never tell). Yes, that’s old for a cat. Which I’m fine with. I’m not ready to make a 15+ year commitment to something if I don’t even know weather or not I like being a cat mama yet. The day I saw him I went to the shelter for the first time in my adult life with the sole purpose to pet a cat. He was super chill and laid there and let me stroke him. I’ll be honest, I was probably more scared of him than he was of me, just based on…. well nothing at all. I just was. Because of my body’s past reactions to animals. Because of avoiding them in the past. Because of the potential of getting scratched or bit or anything.  Just because I let fear grow over time with my avoidance.

But I put my big girl pants on and filled out the paperwork and took him home that day anyway.

I picked up the kids from daycare and we went to the local pet store to get all the supplies we needed, which was everything since this was unplanned, and went home.

We have renamed him and thankfully our naming skills have greatly improved since fish one and fish two. We finally settled on Benjamin Maxwell (insert our last name here) the Fourth. Or Benji for short.

He spent the first day in my bathroom since after my extensive Google research I found they need their own space after a move and to calm their nerves. The kids were disappointed that he didn’t want to play with them right away. Oh who am I kidding, they were disappointed I didn’t get a dog. Little E even went so far as to mention that I made a big decision without a family meeting first (fair point, but too bad), but he was happy with the result.

How do I feel now? A week into it?

The first little bit was rough I’ll be honest. After the first night I let him out of the bathroom obviously, and he made his way straight under my bed where he’s spent most of his days since. His nights? OMG. At first, he would just go eat, drink and poop then head back under the bed. So I would wake up to every sound he made since I’m a very light sleeper and he would pause his eating or drinking if I woke up and we would both freeze. I didn’t want to disturb him and he… well I couldn’t tell you what he was thinking. But after a few minutes he would continue. This would happen ALL throughout the night. So needless to say I didn’t sleep very well for the first 2-3 nights.

He also would avoid the kids at all costs. Which was sad since all they want to do is play with him. But slowly he’s coming around and now the last few nights he’s been up on bed throughout the night meowing at me to pet him and letting me brush him and purring non-stop.

Last night he FINALLY let the kids both pet him for a bit while I was reading to them. We started reading the Chronicles of Narnia as a family and Benjamin decided to join us. I promise you it made Z’s week.

So, yes. I’m glad we got him. He’s a very calm and quite cat. There’s been no scratching or biting. No poop where there shouldn’t be. Yes there’s a ton of hair everywhere, but he’s worth it. Because as I sat in bed last night with him snuggled up to me, I realized this unfortunate thought.

This is the most simple and long-standing, healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with a male. He has met more of my needs than any man ever has over the course of seven day without draining anything from me in the process.  He hasn’t requested anything from me. He hadn’t left me feeling like shit. He hasn’t frustrated me. He’s made me smile. He’s given me affection. He’s kept me warm at night.

I needed this a long time ago, so I’m glad I got over my fears and did this for myself. Now I’m one less lonely girl.


-CATS/The Moments Of Happiness-

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Even When The Fight Is Won / Even When My Time On Earth Is Done / Even When It Makes No Sense To Sing

Sometimes I think about how difficult it would be to be ‘God’

I know that’s an unusual thought pattern, but have you ever considered it? What it would entail to create a whole universe? And the so far thankless job it has been?

I get it. Lately people have shrunk God down to a judgmental deity who sits on a throne and whose only job is to determine who gets to enter his realm of heaven upon death, which is also his responsibility if deemed unsuitable by human standards. And by default, if the soul is ‘unworthy or sinful or hasn’t chosen Jesus as the way’, cast them down to the lakes of eternal fire where good ol’ Satan does his thing.

Now keep in mind, all of this is according to us. Human beings have determined this as the limitations of God and that this is how the after life goes according to voices from God to prophets long ago and religious sects just… went with it? What if God, as we call the all powerful being, is so much more than that and has been trying to break through and reveal MORE of it’s energy and phenomenal self to individual beings for centuries now, but to believe in anything more than what was written long ago leads you to be called an extremist or crazy etc.

Like I’m not saying what’s in the Bible or any other religion’s Holy manuscript is false. What I’m alluding to, is the fact that we cannot contain GOD in a book. And there will always be more to him. Yes, “it is finished” but y’all are forgetting the part about how he returns. And how God wants to finish the great work that he started.

Who are we to determine how or when?

That’s what I mean by it must be so frustrating to be the actual source of power and creative thought behind everything in this place. You go through all that time and effort to create a beautiful journey for everything in this world both for yourself to enjoy. I would think as an infinite being,  you would get bored just chilling by yourself, so some company to interact with and watch would be nice. You liven things up a bit by allowing free will even though humans are dumb as fuck and mess things up on the daily. You allow forgiveness and mercy under one condition.

Yet people still assume they just…. got here on their own? Like they assume they are here ‘just because’ or somehow deep within themselves contain the power to create themselves? Like for real? Take a long hard look at yourself. I’m not talking while reading this post. I’m saying over the course of a year or two. Examine your life. Do you think you were able to create this WORLD and live within it on your own? If so… wow. But if you are able to really look deep within yourself. To your very first thought and action, I know you cannot prove where you came from. You have to acknowledge that your very presence on this earth came from a source that you should at least recognize.

I’m not here advocating for the God the Christians claim to worship, or Budda, or Allah or any other deity. I’m saying there has to be something deep inside of you that allowed you to start this journey.

To me, that has to be the one true God. But the thing is, when you look at the god all the religions talk about and worship, in a round about way, they speak on the same idea.  So why have people created separation and  division in a God that desires togetherness and healing. The annoyance that must have been sparked from the beginning to have so many different ideas emerge about how to worship and how to believe, must mean the idea of God has been around from the start. That would have allowed more time for the fractions to take place. But the starting thought is the same. There is one God. To be honest I highly doubt God/Budda/Allah/Etc gives a flying fuck what you call him/her/it. As long as you practice the principles laid out at the beginning of time/creation. Because the thing is, I’m sure God goes by all the names.

God

Time

Allah

Love

Peace

Budda

Zion

And the list goes on… infinity, because you see, God is in all things. God created all the words we think by allowing this world to take place and come together. ‘

So the frustration on his part must run so deep. Creating a beautiful earth for us to live and move freely, and us humans just go and mess it up so deeply out of our free will.

At least I know when my body gives out, I’ve recognized as much of the Godly power as my human mind is capable of and I know to God I will return. And then his ultimate peace and power will shape more in me than my human mind could ever fathom.

That’s what I’m living for. That’s when good wins.


-Hillsong United/ Even When It Hurts-

 

 

So Here’s To New Beginnings And Here’s To Breaking Free Let’s Chase A New Horizon, Chase Who We’re Meant To Be

So we did it.

In such a new way we achieved both a beginning and an end.

At least from my perspective. Each new chance at this has been expanding my mind to new levels. Even that phrase as such is misleading now. My mind. Because once you reach this level of knowledge, you can no longer continually live in conscious denial that we share one consciousness. So to refer to it so familiarly as my mind is definitely of an old mindset, one that is willing to allow growth, but not 100% comfortable with the wisdom of the full commitment it will take.  Because once two or more acknowledge the fact that we share one singular consciousness, how do we move forward from that? How do we maintain our independence and humanity on a simple level. One that allows the freedom from fear of the simplest things that would be present with that knowledge.

For a very easy example, that other with who you connect with could see what you see at any given moment, or could be impacting the thoughts or actions of say an individual who was maybe weaker or didn’t have the knowledge that the consciousness was connected? Or maybe this is how it has always been? And maybe this is where sects like the illuminati or whatever you want to call them start. Because titles have no power, it’s the ideas and  knowledge that they keep from the general population that does hold power.

Anyways.

To whoever has obtained this knowledge before me, I both simultaneously salute you, and hate you. For making it through this journey, that’s honourable. But for withholding this knowledge from others, that’s dirty play.

This is terrifying and amazing. Which is why I’m sure you all have kept it to yourself. This knowledge is powerful. And unless we all choose to work together, could literally destroy the universe. That thoughts are connected? That everything that flows through our minds are not secret to ourselves? Unbelievable to most. But true and achievable with a steady and careful mindset.

I’m not talking about just mind reading in a simple way, as if you could stand in front of someone and know what kind of ice cream they want. I’m saying, that if you slow your own thoughts, and deal with the retinue of emotions and issues you have currently at hand, one by one, your personal perspective will have a chance to become more calm and quite.

It is in this calm and peace that you have created for yourself, that you will have a chance to hear the energies that others have created. Some might stand out to you as individuals close to you, and therefore be more recognizable. Maybe it might feel like conversations in your head, you know how you rerun scenarios over and over. Well this time, try running them through with a positive tone. Try creating a good ending for everyone. Or maybe it might feel as though they are flowing through and within you. Or maybe as if you are entering their space, with which I suggest you do so without disturbing their energy. Once you correct your situation with that individual leave nothing else disturbed. The energy will flow out. You may find that as you do so, the next scenes that come to you are from your deeper past and you can create healing for yourself and others from there.

Anyways, this is just a quick touch on the topic for now.

I’ll review and revisit it later.

But I’m saying from experience over these few years that you can touch on others in a positive way. But it is not without overcoming whatever fears you’ve built up first.

 -Luminate/New Beginnings-

If U Suckaz Got A Problem, Feel A Way Wit How I Act Imma Show U Where I’m From, Imma Show U Where I’m At

So this is out of the ordinary for me, but new is we have to make changes to move forward right?

Northside – Lex Talionis

My friend has made an amazing new song and I’ve decided to link it here for a few reasons.

It’s a passionate and powerful song, and while I have to admit I don’t necessarily agree with everything the song represents at its forefront, the depth and roots and beauty is deep within available to those with ears to hear it. Therefore making it the best song he’s ever sent my way. But just because in the surface I don’t agree with some of his lyrics, I agree with him as a person and I fight the same universal fight as him and because of that I want him to succeed in all the ways he wants and so I’m choosing to support him in this way. As we all should support one another.

He’s fighting his fight in the strongest way he knows how and it’s powerful and learned and needs to be heard.

So take a listen, hear the music, hear the passion, and share. It’s worth it.

https://soundcloud.com/whoissep/

-Lex Talionis/Northside-

You’re Just Like Me, You’re Out Your Mind I Know It’s Strange, We’re Both The Crazy Kind You’re Tellin’ Me That I’m Insane

How deeply have you considered how you came to be.

When you truly think on it, on how consciousness works, and how it started, you must come to the conclusions hat we have one consciousness.

Which leads to the terrifying and dangerous yet peaceful thought that we all are one. Not only in consciousness, but in body.

If we all started in the same thought, then if we allow ourselves to break down our walls that have been created through the years, walls that created individual humans, we come back to the oneness that is us. And if we allow ourselves to hear the thoughts of others, and consider the fact that we are not just ourselves, it will bring us both to the conclusion, but also the start of humanity. Being the thought that the first shall be last and the last shall be first/treat others how you want to be treated/ we are the body.

Every major religious experience will lead you to this idea. That we are one. But it stops at the UNDERSTANDING that we are actually the body. People as humans understand the IDEA and the control that we are connected. But fail to take it any step further. Because it blows the mind. It pushes the boundaries of humanity, and individuality. We are here on this earth to have our own experiences and perceptions and ideas. But once we understand that we are actually one… you revert back to a God standing.

So. How do you live a life on earth, with this knowledge?

Lol. Let me tell you, it’s not easy. It’s many out of body experiences. Floating between my human being and others. Experiencing moments from their perspective at moments of relaxation and it brings fear but also…. peace.

If I can do that… what do I have to fear? Ultimately nothing can hurt me, since I am just a projection of my thoughts, which can change at anytime. It causes me to treat people differently knowing that the truths I say outwardly will be one thing, but also the thoughts I keep within will be revealed at one point one way or another. It has helped me acknowledge that nothing is hidden forever. And that we are all accountable to each other, as each other is one.

Play attention to what the world around you is telling you. The clues left for you. You won’t lead yourself astray.

-Ava Max/Sweet But Psycho-