Welcome To Your Name In Lights All The Lighters In The Sky You Must Be Famous This Is How You Live Your Life

I have absolutely without a shadow of a doubt never wanted to be famous. Not one tiny itsy bitsy little iota of me has ever had the desire to be on stage for a living or wanted to see my name up in lights. If I ever had my life’s crazy story published, I’d do it under a pseudonym to maintain my privacy. To be considered ‘nameless’ is completely and totally fine to me. In fact I’d probably consider it desirable at this point.

So when my co-worker J sent me a link on Sunday saying they were doing open casting calls on Monday for a movie they are shooting here in Kelowna and they were looking for an African American looking girl about 5 years old, thinking Z would love it… I was hesitant.

For a few reasons. One, I knew she would love it. Z is literally the most adorable girl ever. She is so open and friendly, always smiling plus she’s cute as hell not to mention she  always wants 100% of the attention on her. She would love being in the movies or on TV. But with that, comes potentially dangerous situations and can lead to a very interesting lifestyle. I also was wary of introducing the kids to that kind of situation, which might get their hopes up, only to have them not get the part, and then there’s the let down to deal with. In the end though, I decided to try it out, as nothing ventured is nothing gained, and you can’t live a good life if you don’t at least take advantage of the opportunities given to you.

So I left work early on Monday and grabbed the kids out of school a little early to head to the restaurant where the open casting call was. Aside from a Z look alike, they were looking for general public etc.  I explained to them it was just a fun chance to be in a show, but we have to see, as there are no guarantees. Plus I wasn’t sure what to expect given the fact that this was my first time going through this procedure. So I told them we were going on an adventure and if nothing else, we at least got out of school early and had a little fun.

Anyways, we arrived at the place and walked in when it smacked me in the face how ill prepared we were. There weren’t a ton of people there when we got there, but the individuals who were, weren’t there to play. Outfits were on point and hair was coiffed. Shoes were shined and wayyyyy to much perfume/cologne was applied. One little girl maybe 3 years old had her hair curled in ringlets with at least a full can of hairspray holding it in place. I was like common. That’s too much. Here are my kids that I just picked up from school, who are half covered in red paint because they were working on a Remembrance Day art piece in the gym when I got there. Z’s hair hadn’t been done since last week, and I’m just trying to remember if they brushed their teeth that morning lol.

So I’m handed a form for each kids to fill out, and the lady tried to get me to sign up as well, saying I’d have to come with the kids anyways, I might as well be an “extra” and I gave her a hard no, as butterfly’s filled my stomach at the thought of it. But you guys, these forms made me realize I was in way over my head. It was a simple one pager, but it asked for your height and weight and all your measurements like inseam and waist/chest/hip in inches, even your hat size. I’m like I have no flipping clue! It asked if it would be ok to cut/colour hair if needed, and all these details that went on and on. Yes I realize it’s for wardrobe’s sake, but still I had to leave so many blank or just estimate, I felt like an awful ‘agent.’

So we returned the forms and then each Z and Little E had their picture taken while the recruiter asked me what the kids availability was, which let’s be honest, it’s always wide open since they’re 5+8 years old, how much can they really have in their ‘schedule’. It was then that they asked me if I would mind staying and talking to the casting director, since they are specifically looking for someone like Z for a certain role. So I said sure we could stick around for a bit. The kids and I ordered an appetizer to share and watched some ice skaters practice on the arena through the window and about 15 minutes later the same lady came back and told us that the casting director was still in interviews right now, but they have all our information and they’ll be in touch.

To me, I took that as a no, we’re gonna go with someone else. But I want to keep my low hopes up for Z’s sake, and let the kids continue fantasizing about it on the way home and throughout the night. At dinner, it’s all Little E could talk about. The potential of Z being ‘famous’. Or even for himself to be in a movie. I was surprised he cared that much, since I have a hard time convincing him to let me take his picture lately, so I didn’t think he’d be into all of this. But he was good with being considered as a possible extra, and the idea grew on him like crazy as the night went on.

I’m not sure how much time I should let pass before giving up on the idea completely. Would it be fun if Z got the part? Of course. Would it be even more fun if Little E got cast as an extra? Obviously. Just the bonding in that alone is monumental. “Remember when we were in that movie together” are memories that would last forever.

But will it shatter their hopes and dreams if we don’t hear back from the company? I don’t think so. At least I hope not.  Nah I’m pretty sure Z’s forgotten about it already. Little E has probably not forgotten, but he understands there were a lot of people there, and that it was only a chance. I don’t think I’ll have to deal with huge bouts of depression if we aren’t ‘the chosen ones.’

But I’ll keep you posted.


-Lil’ Wayne Ft. Reginae Carter/Famous-

I’m Not Gonna Tell You That I’m Over It, I Think About It Every Night I’m Not Sober / If I’m Being Honest

So Army Guy convinced me to go for lunch. And now he’s late. My fricken number one pet peeve is people who are late. Like seriously how special do you think you are that you feel you can make people wait for you?

Ohh wait, he just called (already 10 minutes late) to say he’s just pulling in. Hmmmm not too impressed. I’ll let you know how it goes.


Well lunch was decent. Nothing out of the ordinary bad, but nothing exciting good either. I definitely get the STRONG impression that Army Guy (who only gets that name because he’s also a K… Were K names big in the 80’s?) only wants to have sex. Like I’m sorry that your super horny but it’s not my problem you haven’t had sex in however long and I just got laid like last week… (Yeaaaaa, boyfriend request guy? I invited him over to talk that night, and well, we all know how that normally ends up, especially since I’ve already slept with him) So anyways, it’s not up to me to make sure Army Guy gets laid. I decided I wanna try the whole dating thing, and if he can’t be patient, then move along, because I sure will.

Also… Oh Man. I got home yesterday and had an express post package in my mailbox from the institution K is at. For a brief moment I had so many emotions flood my mind. First I thought maybe he wrote finally, but why express post? Then I thought it might be the prison notifying me of something wrong. I opened that package so fast!

Welp. It was the money order I sent over two weeks ago to K.

At first glance I thought K was so mad at me he refused the money I sent, but then I saw a letter from the prison.  The institution had filled out a form saying the correspondence wouldn’t be accepted because I was not on the inmates list of approved contacts, and therefore they were returning it to the original sender.

OH. MY. GOSH! It explains soooo many things.

So now, I’m back to texting the Ex, and the best friend, explaining what happened. Basically, K can’t call anyone without cash in his inmate account, and I thought he had money this whole time. But the tricky thing is, that we cannot contact him to tell him to add our name/address to his “approved list”

To be quite honest, I don’t think he even knows he needs to put people’s names of this “list” because he’s been expecting me to send him money from the jump, when I finally got his final pay check from his work. So this thing has been one shit show after another.

K is probably sitting in a cell, thinking everyone’s abandoned him. Thinking no ones cared enough to send money or write to him. When the reality of it is, the institution hasn’t taken the correct steps to make sure K knows what he needs to do, to receive the money/letters on his end.

So I asked the Ex to spread the word to his family and friends in case he does call anyone, to have them tell K to contact whoever he wants on his list, and get their address. So then at least he can receive things from them.

As for K and I?

Well this does help explain why he hasn’t called. And maybe I did judge him to fast. Also, unfortunately for Army Guy and every other guy I’ve been talking to, I can’t help but compare every thing they do to K. Mostly when they act like douche bags… My first thought is K would never treat me like that.

Maybe he wrecked me for good. Maybe I need more time to get over him. Maybe this is the Universes way of saying I shouldn’t even try to get over him, that we were meant to be together, because as soon as I sent that letter on Sunday, all this stuff that kept drawing me back to him started happening.

For someone who prefers a nice quiet life, this sure is a lot of drama for me.


-Chainsmokers/Honest-