If It’s Love And We Decide That It’s Forever No One Else Could Do It Better

And now ladies and gentlemen,  what you’ve all been waiting for (lol)

My brutally honest and never to be used (since I have zero desire to open a dating profile again) dating profile.

First, let me start off by saying, like most of you, I have no idea how to properly start this thing. How do I ‘sell’ myself to someone I’ve never met? How do I know what they’re looking for? How do I know what they’re not looking for and what might scare “you”… my potential “perfect” man away? But in the spirit of this post, I’m just going to be honest… in my good ol’ C fashion. Which trust me lol is going to scare you all away anyways.

So, let’s get the basics out-of-the-way. I believe in the dating world its “ASL” or for us newbies- Age, Sex, Location. (Ok, so I just realized I’m not going to reveal everything like location, due to some privacy but you’ll get my drift lol).

Age. I’m officially old. I hit the 30’s back in October which I’m feeling fine about, since age doesn’t bother me, it really is just a number. In the past I haven’t ever made a big deal about my birthday, but they actually are important to me. I think I just let them slide because no-one close to me felt the need to congratulate the fact that I survived another year on this earth with a big celebration. So if you want to date me, it is important to me that you at least acknowledge my birthday with a small gift, or even better, arrange for a special date night. This would be even better is you repeated it every year on my birthday because, surprise surprise, those things continue each year on the same day until I die. I don’t expect fancy gifts, or even want big expensive presents. I prefer time spent together and just the fact that you remember and are happy that I’m still alive and was born however many years ago is so valuable to me. Because without my birthday, you wouldn’t have found the woman of your dreams. Although flowers would be nice.

Sex. Well, I’m very much a female, whose looking for a manly man. I don’t mean a man who needs to walk around in red plaid and suspenders swinging an axe all the time, but I also mean… A MAN. Like ok, I like the fact that men can grow beards, and can for the most part, grow amazing beautiful big muscles that just looks good on them (hey this is my honesty), but I also like the ones who recognize that men and women are different and are sensitive to that separation. I’m not talking about keeping woman in the kitchen type shit (more on my kitchen skills, or lack thereof later) I mean a man who will understand that my body is made different and yes, our minds sometimes work different and our emotions can be different. But most importantly he understands that that difference is NOT weakness. So yes, I am a female with female curves and female hormones and a very female vagina. Please be a male with original working parts. I’d like to use them often.

Location… Welp, that’s for me to know.

Next, Imma let you know straight off the bat that I have two kids that are better than any you’ve met before. Yes, they are from the same dad. No, I’m not a skank who slept around and randomly got pregnant. Well I have slept around, but never produced a kid from it. My offspring are both from a marriage that failed miserably. Yes, their Dad is still kinda in the picture. They see him about once a month for a few hours at a time. No, he doesn’t ever call. No, he never just “pops by’ the house for a visit. No, he is not going to be an issue. I’m technically still married though because he has still not signed the divorce papers yet. Yes I’m trying to push the divorce through faster, but sometimes life is just not on my side.

So anyways, my kids. I treat them like actual humans with real and valuable emotions. They have chores and responsibilities around the house to learn that the world is not handed to them on a silver platter but some things are earned. I teach them manners and about respect. I explain to them that loving themselves is the most important thing though because it sets a precedent on how you should expect others to treat you. I would appreciate and enjoy any potential partner to act as a father figure if you feel comfortable doing so. In fact, I don’t see myself with anyone long-term who cannot accept my children as his own. In the future however, should we choose to have children of our own, then how we choose to raise those children would have to be decided on 100% mutually. Although I can tell you right now, that yep I do support spanking in a controlled environment as long as it’s not done out of anger. I think the parent is first and foremost a parent. Kids will have plenty of friends in their lives, but a parents role is to mold and shape the humans of the future, so I have to make sure I’m teaching them as much as possible about right from wrong, about kindness and love. My goal is not to try and make my kids like me. But make them love me long-term for the heart and soul I instill in them, and choose their own path.

Next, I’m actually expecting big things from a partner as far as a social life. Right now, I don’t get out much. I don’t have a ton of friends due to many moves around the world, changes in jobs, and basically cutting off a lot of dead weight in my life as far as social situations go. So I’d love it if the guy I date would actually do things with me. I know this seems like given, but it hasn’t been in my life, so it’s extra important to me. It would knock me off my feet if a man planned a date from start to finish for me. It would show me that he cared enough about me to invest the time thinking about what I might enjoy and then following through in arranging it for me (I’m actually still shocked that this happens in the real world).

Some things I would like to do? Please no movies or boring coffee dates, although I understand those are good for just getting out of the house every once in a while. But I honest to goodness crave adventure. I wanna go to an amusement park and go on the roller coasters. I wanna go to the shooting range and shoot guns (so much fun) I want to go quading and snowmobiling. I want to own a boat one day and just spend the day speeding around and drinking beers on the lake. Take me sky diving. Book us a mini holiday to a warm beach somewhere, heck take me on a cruise! And please, please for the love of everything good take me dancing. No matter how bad you may think I suck in comparison to you, I love to dance. So take me dancing, and be good at it. But never EVER take me camping in a tent. Not unless you previously set it all up and plan on cooking every meal yourself over the fire pit and are ok with me sitting in a super comfy recline lawn chair that you personally packed me, along with my favorite book by my favorite author (Ted Dekker) covered in bug spray. Nope scratch that, you built me a gazebo with a full mosquito net around my chair, that still lets the sun through, cause a girls gotta tan. Yeah… you should just probably plan on never going camping with me.

That being said, I like my alone time. I’m an independent woman, I don’t have to be with you every second of every day. I honestly don’t even have to know what you’re doing all the time. Like if I say I trust you, then I trust you. Just don’t be shady about shit ok? You wanna go out with the guys? By all means have at ‘er. I would hope you would feel free to tell me you’re going. It’s called communication, it’s how properly functioning adult relationships thrive. You don’t have to lie to me. I’m not your mom. ‘Cause I know you’re coming home to me, and not only that, but I would trust that you’re not messing around while you’re out. Because you chose me to be in relationship with. Just how I would expect the same level of trust from you. And if you don’t think you could do that, then move along.

Ummm, other honest little tidbits about me. I’ve recently lost almost 50 pounds, as well as started working out with a trainer. I actually love going to the gym, but with my kids its been difficult to go as often as I would like and I’m hoping once I move, I’ll be able to go more like 4-5 times a week as opposed to twice like now. Currently, I just work out with my trainer, but eventually I think it would be fun to work out with my boyfriend/S.O. every once in a while. I think it would be a great bonding experience, motivational, and I see zero downside of staying healthy together.

Staying in the vein of healthy, I’m not the best cook in the world, just because I find no joy in it. I’m probably not even the best cook in my house and I only live with my two kids. But I do my best to provide them with a balanced diet that includes all the food groups and teach them to eat until they’re satisfied. So if you can cook? Well that’s a huge bonus. But if not, I haven’t killed anyone yet from my cooking (that I know of) and I’ll always try my best…actually that’s a lie, I’ll always at least make sure there’s a meal on the table every night, but would actually love if we shared cooking duties.

I’m not interested in being a stay at home mom/housewife. I enjoy work. It’s challenging and makes me cringe some days, but I’d choose it over spending my days at home with the kids anytime. Did I take a year off work when each of my children were born? Of course, and I would do it again. I think that initial bonding time is vital. Plus nursing was my favorite, being all snuggled in bed with a baby while you literally feed them from you, it’s amazing. But then, after a year I’m back at work. I think it helps me be a better mom, to get away from the house and kids during the day. Then when I come home, I appreciate them more. I’m looking for a man who also values work. I don’t care what you do, as long as you like it, and have fun. Literally it could be anything as long as it doesn’t put my kids or myself in danger and brings in the cash. As it is, I support us decently enough (although lately that’s debatable) so anything you make is literally just gravy. (ie all those dates I mentioned above hint hint)

Some more about me that you might find disconcerting lol. I blog. About my personal life… so that might be an issue we can discuss if it bothers you. I smoke weed. Started off for my seizures (oh yeah I’m epileptic), but then it turned into an every night thing which my doctor said was ok. Even still, I test myself every once in a while by not doing it for a week or two just to make sure I’m not addicted… so far so good. I’m not a big fan of alcohol, but don’t mind a drink every now and again and it doesn’t bother me if you do. It would bother me I think, if you downed 3-5 beers a night though, or did any other recreational “things.”

So with all that being said, I’m just looking for a man who chooses me. Actually no. Not any man. Opps I just realized I’m picky too, but this is my ridiculously honest post sooooo. I like black men only. I like guys who are 6 feet minimum. I like guys with muscles. I like guys who read. I like guys who can think for themselves. I desire a man who holds me in his sleep just because I’m his. I want sex. A lot of sex, and I may or may not have a fantasy that requires rope. I require a guy who smiles and makes me laugh because that brings him joy. A man who can talk to me because we’re best friends. A man who believes in good vs. evil and that good is the champ. I want a man who can decide for himself and stick with his choices. I want a man who doesn’t care what other people think, about him or us. I want a man who will protect our love, because we have chosen each other and that is the most valuable commodity there is.

I want a man who thinks love is the greatest most powerful thing there is.

And so he chooses to love me.

*Now we know why I’m still single*


-Train/If It’s Love-

 

 

 

 

My Friends All Tell Me Maybe I Should Seek A Psychic They Tell Me Just Beware I May Or May Not Like It

So, take this with a grain of salt, but I went for my first time to see a psychic today. I booked an appointment originally for a chakra healing session out of sheer curiosity and then after that was done I decided since I was there to throw in a palm reading since… well I was there and interested so why not.

So for the healing session, I laid on her table and she had all the music and incense going. Then she laid her crystals on me and told me to relax. Relax More. MORE. MORE!!! Bitch this is me totally relaxed! Like I’m breathing calmly, laying still, I honestly don’t know how to relax more than this! I hate when people tell me to relax, since I hardly ever get worked up. I’m pretty homeostasis all the time. Even if my steady state is a tense stressful state… that’s how I stay lol.

Anyways she started her thing, and spent a lot of her time focusing on my ankle, which made me chuckle inwardly. She’s probably thinking I’ve got tons of ‘blocked energy’ there but in reality, I twisted it on Monday night and it’s just been messed up and swollen since. I figured if she knows what she’s doing, like if she’s the real deal, she’ll figure it out on her own, and I ain’t saying nothing.

So she spent maybe 45 minutes doing her thing with her hands and the crystals and whatever else she did, I can’t really say since I had my eyes closed and was trying to ‘relaaaaaax’ 😒. But then she removed the crystals and said when I was ready to come over to the table.

I went to move and I felt very stiff and… heavy? Yeah heavy, while trying to get off the table. It actually took me 2 tries since I couldn’t move my arm the first time it was so heavy. But I slowly made my way to the table and she started to explain what she ‘felt/sensed/saw’ within me.

For starters, she told me my chakras are very balanced, and overall I’m a well-balanced person, with no major ‘blockages’ anywhere. There was only one thing she really noticed which was a feeling of disappointment in my emotional chakra. So now I’m starting to thing this lady might actually know a thing or two considering what’s been going on in my life.

She went on to say she saw something she’d never seen before which was glowing white feathers falling all around me in a bright white light. So she didn’t know if that represented angels or spirituality but that somehow I was very connected to the spiritual world and in some way enlightened.

I recently had an ‘experience’ and thought it might be a little too ‘out there’ to share with everyone here, but at this point, why hide? Especially since it’s so relevant to this.

So this happened maybe 2-3 weeks ago while I was laying in bed one night. I have, as you all know, been really in search of ‘more’. I had stopped going to church and I didn’t want to just be wandering with no direction, so I really wanted a connection. Too feel like the decision I made was a solid one, or the right one to say the least. So I’m laying in bed a few weeks ago before bed relaxing (however relaxed I can get lol) while really thinking about the meaning of life (how’d we get here/where’d we come from/souls etc) and desiring more. Everything more. And then it flooded over me.

It was like waves rushing over from the center of my body floating out from my head to toward my left side, yet my right side was unaffected. It continued for about 5-10 minutes, this rippling effect, like it was peeling layers from my left side away again and again and it was so welcomed and refreshing and I knew in that moment that, yes there was something out there, and I had… I’m not sure… ‘connected’ somehow?
Spiritual enlightenment if you want, you can me crazy or ridiculous or cracked, but it’s made me realize that there is a whole ‘force’ or whatever and to me, it was a good experience.

So back to today, when my psychic was saying she saw feathers and light around me, something she’d never seen. She told me she felt that I was connected and enlightened and I appreciated that. It somewhat confirmed my moment a few weeks back. Don’t worry though, I’m not going to go and become some enlightened yogi or something like that lol. It just solidified what I had felt in my own moment of discovery, kind of like yeah C, you’ve reached a place many don’t, keep at it. Dig deeper.

So as far as what she saw in my chakra, that was about it. She said everything else is very balanced, and firm. She said I’m a strong independent individual and there was nothing standing out that seemed to draw her attention. Her words were that I was strong and firm yet light and airy. Very joyful, yet firmly rooted. Pretty good description if you ask me.

I’m very aware of myself and so if there were issues within, I would’ve dealt with them myself previously.  I’m very witty and pardon my humble brag but I’m hilarious.

And as far as the disappointment she felt, well yeah. I’m well aware of the disappointment. And I know exactly what it’s stemming from. And there’s nothing on my end that can be done to fix it, thus the disappointment. Once the chakra healing was done, I asked her to do the palm reading. I felt she had been pretty accurate so far so why not try to see a little of what’s to come?

Like I said I’ve never been to a psychic before, and I’ve definitely never had my palm read (I’m so vanilla) but she got right on it. Apparently, my hands say A LOT!

On my lifeline, the one near my thumb with all the crossed lines at the top… well all those intersecting lines represent difficulties in my life. She was shocked to see so many but reassured me that they lessen out as time goes on and then asked me my birth date. She then pulled out a notebook and did some number crunching which made no sense to me (probably for the best) and came up with ‘my numbers’ which are apparently 3+6+9. So with that she sees my lifeline steady out around 30 (I’ll be 30 in October) and predicted that most of my “struggles” or major difficulties will have passed by then. At the bottom of my life line it branches out a few times (3) though which she suggests could represent a few significant ‘moves or relocations’. I told her I’ve already moved once to Africa, then back, and she said with living here plus there, she sees one more significant move or relocation in my life, but not for a couple of years. ***Update. My work, and therefore myself, has now relocated to Kelowna, 1.5 years after this reading, making that move number 3****

Moving on, (toward the left on my picture) she said my line representing success in business and finances was very prominent and had a few ‘bumps/triangles coming off of it which meant basically according to her that I will be quite successful in that regards with the triangles representing large increases like work bonuses, raises etc. That’s always good.

Now. The line horizontal to my fingers… with the zillion little x’s intersecting it? Yep. That’s my love line lol. She said she’s getting a block on the line right now. I was like you and me both sister. Then, the thing that bothered me most about the whole visit was what she said next. She sees 3 major relationships on this line. (Tiny ovals near the outer edge mixed with the x’s). Then she said this doesn’t include like 1-2 dates with a guy, but real relationships (what, does this chick read my blog lol). So what now? I consider obviously W, and then E ‘real relationships’… so I guess since W is dead, and NO WAY I’m getting back with E,  Does K count? Or because we’ve never been official than I have one chance left? Who the fuck is #3!!!!!! Or was K #3 and now I’m outta luck. FML.

So then we moved on to the very left side where she was impressed to see many travel lines (along the left outer edge) She said she’s had some people with none or just a few, but I have more than normal. I figured that makes sense since I’ve done lots of traveling, and have a desire to do much more.

So when she did a recap, she said she sees a major move, but not for a couple of years (1-3) I’ll be quite successful business wise, and with that financially too. She said this was most likely because I am a very independent person, with a strong creative streak and also a deep line showing intelligence. Also she threw in there that I have a knack for writing (hay thanks 🤗) and it might help with my success. She thinks 30 will be a better year for me, and then mentioned that between the ages of 23 and 26 looks like it was especially difficult. I was 26 when I made the decision to leave E so yeah you could say those years of ‘marriage’ were difficult. And she said that my lifeline looks pretty clear from now on with most of the struggles in the past now. (Phew, good to know) The love line is the one that is quite complex. (Girl preaching to the choir). She closed by saying there is a hold on it for now (the love line) but in about 1.5-2 years it will steady out and to be patient. Then she reiterated the ‘major move’ in 1-3 years, and that was that.

My thoughts? To be honest I went in mostly skeptical, but also willing to be open, I mean I went, right? But as she started talking even before the palm reading I felt she had a good sense of what she was doing. She wasn’t WAY off the mark on anything. Again that’s the reason I decided to continue the palm reading. Will I live my life based on what she told me? Nope. Will I make my life decisions during the next few months with what she said in the back of my mind? I’d like to say no, but the words have been said and they will always be lingering in my subconscious. For now, I’m just trying not to put faces in any of the situations she mentioned and just let whatever happens, happen. I will say that I don’t regret it. It was for sure interesting and I didn’t feel creeped out by her or that she was a total fraud at any point. Although for now, I heard what I heard, and don’t feel I need to go rushing back for my next ‘session’. Now or ever.


-Vanessa Hudgens/Psychic-