‘Cause People Got Me, Got Me Questioning Where’s The Love

This post is inspired by a blog I unfortunately didn’t read, but briefly glanced over the title a few days ago, and it’s stuck with me. The title read something along the lines of “I’m not a vacation destination for you” or something like that. At least that’s how I carried it with me. That line made such an impact in my head… mostly, because I have allowed so many people to make “stops” in my life, take what they need, and move on.

They come for a quick “visit” or “jaunt” if you will, without any regard for my feelings or emotions, and then continue on their merry way after they’ve taken what they need. Sometimes on their own, sometimes with a nudge from yours truly. But not of course before stopping in the souvenir shop of my heart and/or head and taking little pieces for themselves, with no regard for what’s left or what they replace in the gaping hole they’ve left.

So I’ll tell you what it’s been replaced with. Nothing. That’s why I have chunks from my emotional psyche missing. I went this morning to gather a little physical evidence of people who have come into my life for a while, taken what they needed, or could, and when they couldn’t take any more, I had to actually remove them.

number pic

This is just what would fit on one screen, of people I’ve had to block from my life, because they came in, and I felt used by them (for good reason… the feeling, not the using), so I separated myself from them to block the negative energy. I’m not going to sit around and allow individuals to take from me, without receiving anything in return.

Friendship, or any kind of relationship, should be a two-way street. Does this mean I have limited people I can rely on? Obviously. But I’d much rather have small numbers of dependable people who I know are there for me just as much as I’m there for them, than thousands or even hundreds of fake “friends” who are only there when they need something from you.

I feel like this has become a “trend” in the world lately. This is where abusive relationships come from. Where do people get off thinking it’s okay to use other HUMAN BEINGS for their own gain? Why don’t people understand that everyone has emotions. Everyone is capable of getting hurt. Why can’t individuals understand that we are dealing with other people who have real thoughts and feelings. Feelings that can be broken.

It’s not our right or place to damage anyone’s feelings/emotions/thoughts. Seriously! Who have people grown to think they are, that they have the right to walk into someone else’s life, and take what isn’t theirs by way of time, emotion and feelings, without regard to what effect it will have when they leave, or treat those situations insensitively.

I’m just sick and tired of society feeling like we aren’t responsible for each other. We are. We are responsible for every interaction we have with every other human ever. 

What right do you have to tell someone you don’t like some physical feature on their body, no matter what it is? None.

What good is it to put someone down? None. If that’s the only joy you get in this world, you need to do some inner soul searching.

How in the world does it help anyone to flaunt your wealth if you don’t plan on sharing? It doesn’t.

What good is it to walk around with a scowl on your face? Nada.

Every time we talk to, or look at, another person, we leave some sort of impact. I’m just suggesting we try and leave a more positive one. Quit stealing from their hypothetical souvenir shop.

Trust me, it’s draining.


-The Black Eyed Peas/Where Is The Love-

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What’s Love Got To Do, Got To Do With It What’s Love But A Second Hand Emotion / Who Needs A Heart When A Heart Can Be Broken

So tomorrow is Valentines Day. And while I have no plans other than work (obviously) Z is over the moon excited, for reasons I’ve yet to figure out.

Last week I bought cheap valentines from the Dollar store for my kids to fill out with some chocolate hearts for Little E to give out to his class as well. We finally had a chance this weekend to fill out the cards and Z was thrilled! She just kept talking about how she was SOOOO excited to give the cards to her friends and to have so much fun. It was actually adorable. Little E on the other hand was more difficult to read.

For starters his teacher didn’t make up a list of names of the kids in his his class, because we all know what a stellar instructor/joy in general she is. So Little E is struggling to think of all the kids names. I told him don’t worry about it. There’s no way his teacher can fault him for not giving everyone a card if she didn’t provide a list. So I told him to just give a card to the kids he wanted to, or at least the ones he remembered. I know that’s probably not the best suggestion, but to be honest, now-a-days, kids will be getting so many valentines, I highly doubt if they notice that they don’t receive one from Little E. So he made a few cards for some kids at school and then even went ahead and made some for a couple of the kids at his daycare which I thought was cute.

I did push slightly, and ask him if there was anyone special he wanted to make a valentine for. You know. A certain someone? But nope. He didn’t budge. He said no. I’m literally at a loss.

When do little boys start liking little girls? I grew up with all girls. ALL GIRL ERRRRYTHAAANG. So I have no clue when to even start looking for certain signs. His dad is a dead end. My dad is just, well we don’t have chats like that. And now I’ve exhausted all my options. Other than to try my best to keep the lines of communication as open as possible between Little E and myself. But let’s be honest, how long is that going to last. He’s a guy. Who is going to want to talk about intimate guy stuff. Stuff I really don’t have much knowledge about. So I’m well aware I’m going to struggle/fail in that area of parenting. Thus another reason kids were meant to have 2 parents. So my question is what am I supposed to do for him, when he needs a MAN to talk to? I can’t fucken Google everything!

Z on the other hand, has been excited since Saturday about Valentines day. She insisted that she bring her cards to daycare yesterday just so that they were there and ready to go. She’s also been planning her outfit since last Friday, when she found out that the teachers wanted them to wear red or pink. So far she has it narrowed down to 2-3 choices but that could all change once we get home tonight and have to actually decide and lay it out. Oh to be a 4 year old girl again. Literally zero cares in the world.

As for me… I’m leaning on Little E’s side. I also feel like there’s nothing to be excited about. Of course I got my kids a little treat to show them I love them, but I know by now not to expect anything from anyone, and therefore it’s just another day.

Thrown in among the rest for me.

I am considering though, doing something a little more special for Z (and therefore little E by proxy), just because she is so excited about the “holiday.” So if you see an extra bouquet of flowers around our house, you can rest assured that I bought it for her, and I don’t have some secret admirer out there… not that that thought crossed your head anyways.


-Tina Turner/What’s Love Got To Do With It-

That Means I Don’t Fuck With You I’m A Boss, You A Worker Bitch I Make Bloody Moves

True friends are few and far between.

When I was at my last job, where I worked for almost 2 years, many of my co-workers/friends would constantly complain about the job yet never do anything about it. I myself enjoyed the actual position I held, but it was all the overtime and the workload that became too much and eventually lead me to look elsewhere. But so many of those people would constantly say they were thinking of looking for another job or just continually complain about how much they hated coming to work.

I often outright told them, if you hate it so much, why don’t you find something else? That’s how I deal with things… if something’s not good, then change it, seems pretty simple right? Well the people who complained the most are the ones who are still at the same company.

When I got my now current job in Feb of this year, my old co-workers would still invite me out for our monthly lunches and we would chat on the phone, or like each others pics on Instagram/Facebook, anything just to keep in touch. But now, since things have taken a turn for the better with my new company, people I used to call friends are no longer answering my phone calls or even returning text messages.

I’m not talking one person in particular, I’m talking the majority of people. In fact the only 2 girls I still talk to from that company, both quit within 3 weeks of myself and are also working at new jobs. (Yeah, I took all the good ones out with me lol) Although it’s not for lack of trying. I’m always calling, leaving voicemails (since no one answers) just checking up on people. Sending texts to see how they’re doing. I’ve even resorted to sending memes every once in a while to a few of them… but the responses are fewer and farther between. Until lately, it’s been practically nothing.

It’s like people can’t stand to see others become more successful/happier than themselves, although no one is forcing them to stay where they are. I would be thrilled to help them find new jobs if they asked or support them in any way they needed if they choose to move on. Heck, I will still support them in the fact that they choose to stay where they are, but that doesn’t mean they need to be jealous or cut ties with me because I stepped out and made the move most of them were possibly to scared too or not in a position to make.

But in hind sight, maybe it’s for the best, that I”m no longer invited out for lunches or drinks on Friday nights. Do I really want fake friends (I sound like 45 “fake news”) who don’t truly support me, so they’re having to put on an act while we’re together?

I’d rather have a smaller group of true friends that hundreds of fake ones. Because I know that I’m a good friend. I know that I call and check up on people. I know that my friends successes are a good thing to be celebrated. I get happy when I see my friends happy. And I think it’s only fair I surround myself with like-minded individuals.

And if I only find a handful of them, so be it.


-Cardi B/Bodak Yellow-