Welcome To Your Name In Lights All The Lighters In The Sky You Must Be Famous This Is How You Live Your Life

I have absolutely without a shadow of a doubt never wanted to be famous. Not one tiny itsy bitsy little iota of me has ever had the desire to be on stage for a living or wanted to see my name up in lights. If I ever had my life’s crazy story published, I’d do it under a pseudonym to maintain my privacy. To be considered ‘nameless’ is completely and totally fine to me. In fact I’d probably consider it desirable at this point.

So when my co-worker J sent me a link on Sunday saying they were doing open casting calls on Monday for a movie they are shooting here in Kelowna and they were looking for an African American looking girl about 5 years old, thinking Z would love it… I was hesitant.

For a few reasons. One, I knew she would love it. Z is literally the most adorable girl ever. She is so open and friendly, always smiling plus she’s cute as hell not to mention she  always wants 100% of the attention on her. She would love being in the movies or on TV. But with that, comes potentially dangerous situations and can lead to a very interesting lifestyle. I also was wary of introducing the kids to that kind of situation, which might get their hopes up, only to have them not get the part, and then there’s the let down to deal with. In the end though, I decided to try it out, as nothing ventured is nothing gained, and you can’t live a good life if you don’t at least take advantage of the opportunities given to you.

So I left work early on Monday and grabbed the kids out of school a little early to head to the restaurant where the open casting call was. Aside from a Z look alike, they were looking for general public etc.  I explained to them it was just a fun chance to be in a show, but we have to see, as there are no guarantees. Plus I wasn’t sure what to expect given the fact that this was my first time going through this procedure. So I told them we were going on an adventure and if nothing else, we at least got out of school early and had a little fun.

Anyways, we arrived at the place and walked in when it smacked me in the face how ill prepared we were. There weren’t a ton of people there when we got there, but the individuals who were, weren’t there to play. Outfits were on point and hair was coiffed. Shoes were shined and wayyyyy to much perfume/cologne was applied. One little girl maybe 3 years old had her hair curled in ringlets with at least a full can of hairspray holding it in place. I was like common. That’s too much. Here are my kids that I just picked up from school, who are half covered in red paint because they were working on a Remembrance Day art piece in the gym when I got there. Z’s hair hadn’t been done since last week, and I’m just trying to remember if they brushed their teeth that morning lol.

So I’m handed a form for each kids to fill out, and the lady tried to get me to sign up as well, saying I’d have to come with the kids anyways, I might as well be an “extra” and I gave her a hard no, as butterfly’s filled my stomach at the thought of it. But you guys, these forms made me realize I was in way over my head. It was a simple one pager, but it asked for your height and weight and all your measurements like inseam and waist/chest/hip in inches, even your hat size. I’m like I have no flipping clue! It asked if it would be ok to cut/colour hair if needed, and all these details that went on and on. Yes I realize it’s for wardrobe’s sake, but still I had to leave so many blank or just estimate, I felt like an awful ‘agent.’

So we returned the forms and then each Z and Little E had their picture taken while the recruiter asked me what the kids availability was, which let’s be honest, it’s always wide open since they’re 5+8 years old, how much can they really have in their ‘schedule’. It was then that they asked me if I would mind staying and talking to the casting director, since they are specifically looking for someone like Z for a certain role. So I said sure we could stick around for a bit. The kids and I ordered an appetizer to share and watched some ice skaters practice on the arena through the window and about 15 minutes later the same lady came back and told us that the casting director was still in interviews right now, but they have all our information and they’ll be in touch.

To me, I took that as a no, we’re gonna go with someone else. But I want to keep my low hopes up for Z’s sake, and let the kids continue fantasizing about it on the way home and throughout the night. At dinner, it’s all Little E could talk about. The potential of Z being ‘famous’. Or even for himself to be in a movie. I was surprised he cared that much, since I have a hard time convincing him to let me take his picture lately, so I didn’t think he’d be into all of this. But he was good with being considered as a possible extra, and the idea grew on him like crazy as the night went on.

I’m not sure how much time I should let pass before giving up on the idea completely. Would it be fun if Z got the part? Of course. Would it be even more fun if Little E got cast as an extra? Obviously. Just the bonding in that alone is monumental. “Remember when we were in that movie together” are memories that would last forever.

But will it shatter their hopes and dreams if we don’t hear back from the company? I don’t think so. At least I hope not.  Nah I’m pretty sure Z’s forgotten about it already. Little E has probably not forgotten, but he understands there were a lot of people there, and that it was only a chance. I don’t think I’ll have to deal with huge bouts of depression if we aren’t ‘the chosen ones.’

But I’ll keep you posted.


-Lil’ Wayne Ft. Reginae Carter/Famous-

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My Friends All Tell Me Maybe I Should Seek A Psychic They Tell Me Just Beware I May Or May Not Like It

So, take this with a grain of salt, but I went for my first time to see a psychic today. I booked an appointment originally for a chakra healing session out of sheer curiosity and then after that was done I decided since I was there to throw in a palm reading since… well I was there and interested so why not.

So for the healing session, I laid on her table and she had all the music and incense going. Then she laid her crystals on me and told me to relax. Relax More. MORE. MORE!!! Bitch this is me totally relaxed! Like I’m breathing calmly, laying still, I honestly don’t know how to relax more than this! I hate when people tell me to relax, since I hardly ever get worked up. I’m pretty homeostasis all the time. Even if my steady state is a tense stressful state… that’s how I stay lol.

Anyways she started her thing, and spent a lot of her time focusing on my ankle, which made me chuckle inwardly. She’s probably thinking I’ve got tons of ‘blocked energy’ there but in reality, I twisted it on Monday night and it’s just been messed up and swollen since. I figured if she knows what she’s doing, like if she’s the real deal, she’ll figure it out on her own, and I ain’t saying nothing.

So she spent maybe 45 minutes doing her thing with her hands and the crystals and whatever else she did, I can’t really say since I had my eyes closed and was trying to ‘relaaaaaax’ 😒. But then she removed the crystals and said when I was ready to come over to the table.

I went to move and I felt very stiff and… heavy? Yeah heavy, while trying to get off the table. It actually took me 2 tries since I couldn’t move my arm the first time it was so heavy. But I slowly made my way to the table and she started to explain what she ‘felt/sensed/saw’ within me.

For starters, she told me my chakras are very balanced, and overall I’m a well-balanced person, with no major ‘blockages’ anywhere. There was only one thing she really noticed which was a feeling of disappointment in my emotional chakra. So now I’m starting to thing this lady might actually know a thing or two considering what’s been going on in my life.

She went on to say she saw something she’d never seen before which was glowing white feathers falling all around me in a bright white light. So she didn’t know if that represented angels or spirituality but that somehow I was very connected to the spiritual world and in some way enlightened.

I recently had an ‘experience’ and thought it might be a little too ‘out there’ to share with everyone here, but at this point, why hide? Especially since it’s so relevant to this.

So this happened maybe 2-3 weeks ago while I was laying in bed one night. I have, as you all know, been really in search of ‘more’. I had stopped going to church and I didn’t want to just be wandering with no direction, so I really wanted a connection. Too feel like the decision I made was a solid one, or the right one to say the least. So I’m laying in bed a few weeks ago before bed relaxing (however relaxed I can get lol) while really thinking about the meaning of life (how’d we get here/where’d we come from/souls etc) and desiring more. Everything more. And then it flooded over me.

It was like waves rushing over from the center of my body floating out from my head to toward my left side, yet my right side was unaffected. It continued for about 5-10 minutes, this rippling effect, like it was peeling layers from my left side away again and again and it was so welcomed and refreshing and I knew in that moment that, yes there was something out there, and I had… I’m not sure… ‘connected’ somehow?
Spiritual enlightenment if you want, you can me crazy or ridiculous or cracked, but it’s made me realize that there is a whole ‘force’ or whatever and to me, it was a good experience.

So back to today, when my psychic was saying she saw feathers and light around me, something she’d never seen. She told me she felt that I was connected and enlightened and I appreciated that. It somewhat confirmed my moment a few weeks back. Don’t worry though, I’m not going to go and become some enlightened yogi or something like that lol. It just solidified what I had felt in my own moment of discovery, kind of like yeah C, you’ve reached a place many don’t, keep at it. Dig deeper.

So as far as what she saw in my chakra, that was about it. She said everything else is very balanced, and firm. She said I’m a strong independent individual and there was nothing standing out that seemed to draw her attention. Her words were that I was strong and firm yet light and airy. Very joyful, yet firmly rooted. Pretty good description if you ask me.

I’m very aware of myself and so if there were issues within, I would’ve dealt with them myself previously.  I’m very witty and pardon my humble brag but I’m hilarious.

And as far as the disappointment she felt, well yeah. I’m well aware of the disappointment. And I know exactly what it’s stemming from. And there’s nothing on my end that can be done to fix it, thus the disappointment. Once the chakra healing was done, I asked her to do the palm reading. I felt she had been pretty accurate so far so why not try to see a little of what’s to come?

Like I said I’ve never been to a psychic before, and I’ve definitely never had my palm read (I’m so vanilla) but she got right on it. Apparently, my hands say A LOT!

On my lifeline, the one near my thumb with all the crossed lines at the top… well all those intersecting lines represent difficulties in my life. She was shocked to see so many but reassured me that they lessen out as time goes on and then asked me my birth date. She then pulled out a notebook and did some number crunching which made no sense to me (probably for the best) and came up with ‘my numbers’ which are apparently 3+6+9. So with that she sees my lifeline steady out around 30 (I’ll be 30 in October) and predicted that most of my “struggles” or major difficulties will have passed by then. At the bottom of my life line it branches out a few times (3) though which she suggests could represent a few significant ‘moves or relocations’. I told her I’ve already moved once to Africa, then back, and she said with living here plus there, she sees one more significant move or relocation in my life, but not for a couple of years. ***Update. My work, and therefore myself, has now relocated to Kelowna, 1.5 years after this reading, making that move number 3****

Moving on, (toward the left on my picture) she said my line representing success in business and finances was very prominent and had a few ‘bumps/triangles coming off of it which meant basically according to her that I will be quite successful in that regards with the triangles representing large increases like work bonuses, raises etc. That’s always good.

Now. The line horizontal to my fingers… with the zillion little x’s intersecting it? Yep. That’s my love line lol. She said she’s getting a block on the line right now. I was like you and me both sister. Then, the thing that bothered me most about the whole visit was what she said next. She sees 3 major relationships on this line. (Tiny ovals near the outer edge mixed with the x’s). Then she said this doesn’t include like 1-2 dates with a guy, but real relationships (what, does this chick read my blog lol). So what now? I consider obviously W, and then E ‘real relationships’… so I guess since W is dead, and NO WAY I’m getting back with E,  Does K count? Or because we’ve never been official than I have one chance left? Who the fuck is #3!!!!!! Or was K #3 and now I’m outta luck. FML.

So then we moved on to the very left side where she was impressed to see many travel lines (along the left outer edge) She said she’s had some people with none or just a few, but I have more than normal. I figured that makes sense since I’ve done lots of traveling, and have a desire to do much more.

So when she did a recap, she said she sees a major move, but not for a couple of years (1-3) I’ll be quite successful business wise, and with that financially too. She said this was most likely because I am a very independent person, with a strong creative streak and also a deep line showing intelligence. Also she threw in there that I have a knack for writing (hay thanks 🤗) and it might help with my success. She thinks 30 will be a better year for me, and then mentioned that between the ages of 23 and 26 looks like it was especially difficult. I was 26 when I made the decision to leave E so yeah you could say those years of ‘marriage’ were difficult. And she said that my lifeline looks pretty clear from now on with most of the struggles in the past now. (Phew, good to know) The love line is the one that is quite complex. (Girl preaching to the choir). She closed by saying there is a hold on it for now (the love line) but in about 1.5-2 years it will steady out and to be patient. Then she reiterated the ‘major move’ in 1-3 years, and that was that.

My thoughts? To be honest I went in mostly skeptical, but also willing to be open, I mean I went, right? But as she started talking even before the palm reading I felt she had a good sense of what she was doing. She wasn’t WAY off the mark on anything. Again that’s the reason I decided to continue the palm reading. Will I live my life based on what she told me? Nope. Will I make my life decisions during the next few months with what she said in the back of my mind? I’d like to say no, but the words have been said and they will always be lingering in my subconscious. For now, I’m just trying not to put faces in any of the situations she mentioned and just let whatever happens, happen. I will say that I don’t regret it. It was for sure interesting and I didn’t feel creeped out by her or that she was a total fraud at any point. Although for now, I heard what I heard, and don’t feel I need to go rushing back for my next ‘session’. Now or ever.


-Vanessa Hudgens/Psychic-

I’m In Love With Your Body Everyday Discovering Something Brand New I’m In Love With The Shape Of You

So yep I’ve lost weight. I successfully completed one week of my new eating style and lost about 6 lbs so not too shabby if I do say so. To keep it real, it wasn’t as difficult as I always assumed it would be. The food was there every day so there was minimal (zero) effort in deciding what I was going to eat everyday, in fact it’s been easier this last week doing my “meal prep” than ever before because it’s all ready to go for me and written out so I literally just read the menu that I stuck on my fridge each morning, grab those items for the day to shove in my purse and off I go. Super simple.

I told myself at the start of this “diet” to at least try one week, and then go from there. And by try,  I mean try hard, like fully dedicate myself to it. So when I found myself scooping my kids homemade ice cream, where normally I would lick the spoon, this time I didn’t even do that. Or like yesterday was July 11th and so all our local 7/11’s were giving away free Slurpee’s so I took my kids to get one, but didn’t get one for myself. I’ve also had to turn down my boss when he would continually bring in breakfast sandwiches for us in the morning which is a habit he’s gotten into lately, and mine would end up in the garbage (sorry).

Another thing I totally didn’t plan for is how I would handle my kids. Great mom moment hey, not remembering my kids.  But now that all my meals are taken care of, I have really started slacking on the meal prep for them. I have on the other hand though, been using it as an opportunity to teach my kids how to be a little more self-sufficient in the kitchen, with just simple kid friendly foods. So far Little E has mastered fried egg sandwiches, good ol’ mac and cheese, your standard peanut butter and jam, and practiced slicing veggies like cucumber and peppers, among a few other things. He also packs his own lunches every day as one of his chores, although he did that before.  Z has even poured her own cereal in the morning a few times with more of it in the bowl than on the table/floor so that’s always a bonus!  I just explained to them that I will be eating different food for the next little while, but that we can still all eat together at the table. Little E is very understanding and totally cool with whatever. Z doesn’t quite understand the whole premise which I get, it’s a little above her grasp being only 3 years old, so if she wants some of my food or something, I’ve just been looking for an item that is similar in our cupboards and let her eat that, or let her have a couple bites of mine, no biggie.

Holy cow, our cupboards… We’re going to have so much food that will be unusable soon! I didn’t plan it out well, timing wise.  I definitely should have started a week later or something, so then I could have used up all the food in my pantry before moving on! My kids only eat so much and I’m sure soon things will start expiring if they aren’t used up. So now I’m not eating anything not on my menu from Jenny, and my kids.. well they are kids so they’re appetites are small. I’ll probably call up my sister or some friends tonight to see if they want some free food!

But, outside of those tiny inconveniences, things have been running smoothly. As I said, I’ve lost just over 6 lbs, which is a win in my eyes, so I will dedicate myself to stay on it for the remainder of July and reassess then.

Yay me.


-Ed Sheeran/Shape Of You-

 

Any Girl Like You Deserves A Gentleman 

I want to be taken on a date.

A real honest to goodness date. Where I spend time showering, shaving, exfoliating, and lotioning every inch of my body. Then spending close to an hour delicately diffusing my hair so the curls are just right. Next carefully applying more makeup then the standard routine including contacts and falsies. Only to stand in front of my closet in nothing but my underwear for a solid 25 minutes deliberating on what to even try on before rejecting the first 6 outfits I attempt, even though I had something prepared in advance that I decided last minute wasn’t good enough. So that the final result looks nothing like I do on a day to day basis, but hopefully enough to wow my man. All the while with butterflies in my stomach… until I hear the doorbell ring, then those butterflies turn into dinosaurs practicing karate. And when I open it, there he is. Standing looking handsome as always and smelling so good with flowers he took thoughtful time to pick out, and a beautifully written card that I don’t open until later, but end up saving forever.

He leans in and greets me with a kiss, telling me I look beautiful/sexy/amazing (take your pick) and I say the standard “2 more minutes” and rush around to find a vase for the flowers and my heels then do one last final makeup check in the mirror before he offers me the crook of his arm and leads me to his car. Once at the car, he opens my door (swoon) and makes sure I’m in ok before closing it and while he goes to his side I arrange myself in the most flattering way possible and take a deep breath to compose myself.

He comes up with great conversation on the way to the restaurant where he made reservations for us in the private table in the back (I know, I know, now this is just getting way out there lol) and proceeds to take my coat for me and hang it up as well as push my chair in for me just right.

We go over the menu together while he throws in a few hilarious anecdotes about his day since he always knows how to make me laugh and the dinner goes off smoothly. There’s no awkward pauses or weird moments where we mishear each other and have to repeat ourselves. I don’t have to explain the menu to him. I’m not ever embarrassed by his behavior or his clothes or how he treats the staff, because he is a gentleman, to both myself and all those around him.

We might have a couple drinks with dinner, but I don’t have to worry that he’s had to much because he knows how to handle himself, and knows he has precious cargo in his vehicle that he would never put at risk.

After we’re finished dinner he insists on paying (duh) and then he takes me for a walk in a beautiful place he planned out beforehand. Where I can just sense that his intentions are not the same as most guys. You know the type. Where they are looking for the dark shadowy place just to get some, or wanna head back to my place asap.  But he sincerely wants to walk and spend time with me (What??!?) And so all he does is hold my hand as we walk and talk, and once in a while slightly rub his thumb along my hand when the moment calls. But our conversation never falters. The intensity is high and the connection is deep. And we both feel it. Enough so that when he finally takes me home and kisses me goodnight at the door… it’s enough for now. Because we know it’s not the last time. I don’t feel like I owe him sex, and he doesn’t push for it. Because the evening was so perfect as is.

I don’t have any inkling of what this feels like. Because I’ve never been on a “date” like this. Well obviously not like this because this is pure imagination and made for movies crap lol. But I’ve never even had a guy pick me up at my house before and take me to dinner. In fact I’ve never been with a guy who owned a functional car. E didn’t get one until we were almost married, and even then I gave him my old car. And everyone else… well just no cars in the picture, so I drove all the time. I’ve never had reservations made for me, that I didn’t make myself. In fact I’ve never really been out to a nice dinner with a guy. We’ve mostly just ordered in or done the fast food thing.  I’m turning 30 this year, been married with two kids and almost divorced and haven’t been on a proper date.

But here’s to dreaming.


-Shawn Mendes/Treat You Better-