I Never Lose Nothing But Damn I Done Had It I Ain’t Never Strike Out They Can’t Average What I Batted No

So thanks to E constantly delaying the divorce, today is officially my eight year wedding anniversary. And I’ve spent 3.5 of those years trying to put E in my past. It’s a work in progress.

August 7th, 2009. The seventh day, of the eighth month, of the ninth year. E didn’t care when we got married but to me it was important and plus it looked aesthetically pleasing on the invitation. 07.08.09.

But now, 8 years later and it’s all a moot point. 8 years of life with him that, to be fair is almost done. The divorce papers (like I’m sure I’ve said before) are almost signed. We’re just waiting on E and hopefully he doesn’t find something else to comment on and ask to change last-minute again.
But that’s not the reason I’m writing today.

When I woke up this morning, on my ‘anniversary’ I found myself reflecting back at my life not so much during the past eight years, but more just the past 1 year, and at how much has changed, and I just wanted to do a recap. Mostly for myself. To remind myself, that yeah C, you continue to make shitty mistakes but you also are growing as an individual. And that’s what’s important.
So, without further ado, here’s my year in review.

  • I bought and moved into my very own house with only my name on the mortgage.
  • I quit a high stress job for an equal paying position but I work only 4 days a week now, receive bonuses and my boss is way cooler.
  • I tried marijuana for the first time this year and now take edibles almost daily. They’ve helped so much with the headaches I used to get from my seizures.
  • I got my empty birdcage tattoo to represent that there are no bars holding me back anymore as well as replaced two piercings (one on my wrist and one on my ankle) I had to remove a long time ago for an MRI..
  • I went to a shooting range and shot a gun for the first time, doing quite well at it.
  • I bought tickets for my first couple concerts. Jay Z in December, and also I’m taking my Dad to see Guns and Roses this month for his birthday… to be honest I’m actually most excited to see Our Lady Peace who’s opening for them lol, they were the first CD I ever bought and Innocent is my jam!
  • Had my Grandma pass away.
  • Stopped attending church to take some time and figure out what I truly believe.
  • Went to a psychic for the first time for a palm reading and chakra clearing.
  • Started my first official diet (Jenny Craig), that I chose to do on my own not because my mom was pressuring me to. And have lost 15 pounds on it so far (about 1.5 months).
  • Heck I even went on a couple of firsts ‘dates’!
  • Bought a guitar (I owned 2 as a teen but I sold one and the other was stolen when E and I had our house broken into) yesterday. I realized if music is my passion, and I love it so much, then do something about it again. Make a way to enjoy it more in my everyday life.
  • Started this blog ūüėé.

So maybe I am growing as a person. Maybe I have learned from some of my mistakes. Maybe I am becoming a better me. Oh trust me, I know I’m still making stupid choices. But maybe… just maybe, they are becoming fewer and farther between?

So for now, I’m for real going to go buy myself some “anniversary” roses. Because I can. And I need them. And I’m the only one whose gonna do it.


-Future Ft. Nicki Minaj/You Da Baddest-

Beautiful Girls All Over The World I Could Be Chasing But My Time Would Be Wasted They Got Nothin’ On You Baby

My last 2 days have actually been fantastic. So since my ‘relationship’ with Jenny started almost¬†two weeks ago, I’ve lost over 8 pounds. But¬†even more than¬†that, I’ve just been feeling great. Like more energy and not as tired and just blah. As a result, when my alarm goes off in the morning, I’m totally¬†prepared to get up and start getting ready for the day instead of pressing snooze for what used to be on average 5-6 times… as many times as possible. Like I would literally think through if it was absolutely necessary for me to brush my teeth some mornings just so I could get that coveted 9 more minutes of sleep. No comment on how many mornings I did choose sleep over hygiene, but I’ll admit they were sprinkled in here and there, so my apologies to any co-workers who had to get too close lol. Anyway, now I get up straight away, feeling refreshed, which has led me to spend maybe 5-10 minutes more¬†on myself each morning while doing my hair or make-up or even choosing my outfit. Heck today I’m even wearing heels which I used to do all the time, but for some reason stopped doing it recently.

As it turns out, this added prep time has not gone unnoticed. Yesterday morning, I walked on my break for coffee and I was on the phone with a friend but when I walked in I saw a cute guy at the register and so I smiled, like I do to basically everyone I make eye contact with, because, well human decency. Turns out when I went to order, he had paid for my drink. It made my morning!

Then later¬†last night I received a text from a guy I met a LONG time ago, and he straight up asked me to be his girlfriend like right off the bat. UMMM What?Charles¬†Don’t get me wrong, I am an amazing lady ūüėČ but I was just shocked. First, because now at 29, this is actually the first time a man had asked me to be his girlfriend (don’t you feel privileged to be part of it lol), but more so because it literally came out of nowhere. I hadn’t even seen/talked/sms’d this guy all year, like it’s been months and now all of a sudden you wanna date me? Not only have I not thought of you once during this time but I don’t find you attractive or see any potential in you whatsoever. So thank you, but no thanks. Also a word to the wise, if you’re planning on asking a chick to be your girlfriend, maybe build up to it… not just a text after months of not speaking… I dunno just sayin’.

Then this morning, I dropped the kids off at day care and this Dad I see maybe once every 2 weeks or so was there. Every time I see him he always makes a big deal of saying good morning or asking how I am, whereas for me, I’m more of a get in get out, the less human interaction that early in the morning the better, type person. Anyways this morning he literally said word for word “Oh my God you look beautiful today”¬† At first I was shocked, and a little offended, like what? You think I look like trash every other day? (Because let’s face it, that’s¬†most likely the truth lol)¬†But then I just took the compliment for what it was and enjoyed it. It’s amazing how such a genuine comment can make a woman’s day.¬†Then just now,¬†I had to run to the pharmacy¬†during my¬†lunch and then walked to the post office, and I had doors held open for me galore. Even when it was from an awkward distance and I kinda felt like I had to walk quicker so they didn’t have to wait… Those men didn’t mind lol. ¬†Then to top it all off,¬†the¬†guy in front of me in the line at the post office gave me a stamp he had just bought so that I didn’t have to buy a whole pack.

It’s just been a definite confidence booster that’s for sure.

So I knew that even when we had a visitor in the office this morning who felt the need to bring a 50 pack of TimBits¬†(or donut holes for those of you less fortunate non-Canadians) for the 3 of us, ¬†it was worth it for me to not have any. It was worth it for me to stay dedicated to Jenny (lol). Because I’m feeling good. I’m looking good. And other people are noticing.

So why mess with a good thing?


-B.O.B/Nothin’ On You-

 

 

I’m In Love With Your Body Everyday Discovering Something Brand New I’m In Love With The Shape Of You

So¬†yep¬†I’ve lost weight. I successfully¬†completed one week of my new eating style and lost about¬†6 lbs¬†so not too shabby if I do say so. To keep it real, it wasn’t as difficult as I always¬†assumed it would be. The food was there every day so there was minimal (zero)¬†effort in deciding what I was going to eat everyday, in fact it’s been easier this last week doing my “meal prep” than ever before because it’s all ready to go for me and written out so I literally just read the menu that I stuck on my fridge each morning, grab those items for the day to shove in my purse and off I go. Super simple.

I told myself at the start of this “diet”¬†to at least¬†try¬†one week, and then go from there. And by try,¬† I¬†mean try hard, like fully dedicate myself to it. So when¬†I found myself scooping my kids homemade ice cream, where normally I would lick the spoon, this time I didn’t even do that. Or like yesterday was¬†July 11th and so all our local 7/11’s were giving away free Slurpee’s so¬†I took my kids to get one, but didn’t get one for myself. I’ve also had to turn down my boss when he would continually bring in breakfast sandwiches for us in the morning which is a habit he’s gotten into lately.

Another thing I totally didn’t plan for is how I would handle my kids. Great mom moment hey, not remembering my kids. ¬†But now that all my¬†meals are taken care of, I have really started slacking¬†on the meal prep for them. I have on the other hand though, been using it as an opportunity to teach my kids how to be a little more self-sufficient in the kitchen, with just simple kid friendly foods. So far little E has mastered fried egg sandwiches, good ol’ mac and cheese, your standard peanut butter and jam, and practiced slicing veggies like cucumber and pepper, among a few other things. He also packs his own lunches every day as one of his chores, although he did that before. ¬†Z has even poured her own cereal in the morning a few times with more of it in the bowl than on the table/floor so that’s always a bonus!¬† I just explained to them that I will be eating different food for the next little while, but that we can still all eat together. Little E is very understanding and totally cool with whatever. Z doesn’t quite understand the whole premise which I get, it’s a little above her grasp (being only 3 years old), so if she wants some of my food or something, I’ve just been looking for an item that is similar in our cupboards and let her eat that, or let her have a couple bites of mine, no biggie.

Holy cow, our cupboards… We’re going to have so much food that will be unusable soon! I didn’t plan it out well, timing wise.¬† I definitely should have started a week later or something, so then I could have used up all the food in my pantry before moving on! My kids only eat so much and I’m sure soon things will start expiring if they aren’t used up. So now I’m not eating anything not on my menu from Jenny, and¬†my kids.. well they are kids so they’re appetites are small. I’ll probably call up my sister or some friends tonight to see if they want some free food!

But, outside of those tiny inconveniences, things have been running smoothly. As I said, I’ve lost¬†just over 6 lbs, which is a¬†win in my eyes, so I will dedicate¬†myself to stay on¬†it for the remainder of July and reassess then.

Yay me.


-Ed Sheeran/Shape Of You-

 

I Am Just A Troubled Soul Who’s Weighted To The Ground. Give Me The Strength To Lay This Burden Down

So I went for it.

Today is officially day one of my new “lifestyle”

I stopped pussyfooting around regarding my weight loss and signed up for Jenny Craig. Now don’t laugh (I used to kinda inwardly laugh at people who choose this option, but hear me out). I choose it because after making my standard Pro/Con list in my head about all my different options, I came to realize that food prep¬†is my downfall.

I know myself, I won’t track what I eat, so most “programs” i.e. Weight Watchers were out. I know I wouldn’t hold myself accountable to just a basic app on my phone to¬†monitor my food intake, because common, I’m not that reliable when it comes to writing things down or tracking things, like I just last year starting tracking my period and I’ve had that for like 18 years! I know I won’t make time to go to the gym, because I basically hate it, all the changing/gym clothes/sweaty people/awful music, so that option was out.

Which lead me to Jenny. The go to for middle aged women everywhere lol. (seriously the lady on the phone kept making references to being a middle aged woman and making the choice for yourself after all so many years of failed attempts at other things.. I had to tell her I was only 29 and this was my first choice, and in my head tell myself I’m not going to fail) I choose this option because they prepare your food for you. They prep it for the week, can deliver it to your door, and make up a menu to explain what to eat and when. Seriously it’s the easiest thing for me. I don’t enjoy cooking at all, so after looking at all the options out there, it was a no brainer. I got my first week’s worth delivered last night and (after realizing I had limited freezer space and that it might be an issue from now on), I sorted out my meals for today and, as my kids would say, it was “easy peasy lemon squeasy” I actually felt accomplished and prepared for the day. I also felt a little shocked at the amount of food I’m expected to eat throughout the course of my day. I can 100% confidently say¬†my problem in the past is not that I¬†overeat. I pretty sure my issue is more along the lines of not choosing the “right” foods, as well as my digestion, which thanks to my Naturopath¬†is ever so slowly getting better.

Either way, I’m determined and dedicated to do at least one month on the program, to see how it goes.¬†¬†Then from there since I’m hoping it goes well, I’ll continue it until my Cruise this fall. (WOO cruise lol). Plus, if¬†when I¬†reach my goal weight on Jenny, they give you half your money back, so that’s a win win if I ever saw one.

But I just wanted to let y’all know I’m excited about this. It’s the first time I’ve ever consciously made a choice on my own to do anything positive/healthy long term for my body.

Although I don’t think I ever learned how to properly care for my body and eat super healthy growing up, I don’t blame anyone for my weight, it’s obviously my body, so it’s my responsibility to treat it properly. That being said, I do my best to silently watch what my kids eat, and teach them that food is used as a tool to give our body energy and fuel, the same way we put gas in¬†a car, we put food in our bodies to keep them going. I remind them that when they are full they can stop, but also try to keep the balance so that they aren’t conveniently full when it comes to veggies lol. When they were younger, I used to serve veggie first, and once that was done, they could eat whatever else was for dinner. That way they got used to finishing their vegetables before anything else, and so far it’s been working good. My kids are both healthy and a very suitable weight for their age/height.

Another contribution to my attitude towards weight loss? I once lost a lot of weight… I looked good. Nope scratch that. I looked amazing. And that’s when I got raped (¬†I Don‚Äôt Ever Wanna Feel Like I Did That Day, Take Me to the Place I Love, Take Me All the Way ). So to say that instance¬†also hasn’t made an impact in how much weight I carry now would be a lie. But I’m ready to move on.

From the fear of men using me.

From the fear of being the best me.

Because I’m going to let anything hold me back.


-Annie Lennox/Little Bird-