Time Is A Gift On Loan Fate Is Already Known It’s Your Destiny To Make It To The End It’s Your Destiny To Go Against The Trend

When I had the sex talk with Little E last week, I left out a major part, since I felt it deserved its own post.

At some point during our talk of how babies were made, which he had a pretty decent grasp of for an eight year old, we got into the topic of how E and I had sex, and E’s sperm and my egg connected to grow into a baby in my tummy. I told him loosely of how his ejaculation contains millions of sperm and how they race to the egg and how the first one that connects with the egg goes on to create a baby. The egg then grow and multiplies continually into a baby.

This led into a few questions, which prompted this post to break into its own. As I mentioned last time, if the egg wasn’t used, the woman got her period and then prepared a new egg during the next month. Somehow he got confused thinking a woman could only get pregnant once. So I explained, no. Every month she has the opportunity to have a baby. I have both you and Z from Daddy right? And, then I went on to say maybe one day I will find a man to have a new relationship with who loves me and respects me and if we decide we are comfortable with each other and we choose to have sex, then I can again have another baby.

This made him tear up, as he asked “so I’ll have a different dad?” So I had to wonder why it made him so upset. I explained that E would always be his Dad/Father and the one who created him through sex with me, but maybe one day, he could have a man in his life as a role model that he could call dad if he wanted to. I told him I would never be in a relationship with someone who didn’t want him or Z as his own, and that if I were to get with someone we could create a family, but no one would ever replace E as a dad as far as who contributed DNA and who you are as Little E is as a person. Little E was concerned that if I had sex with someone else and made a new baby, and he had a new dad, it would innately change who he was.

And that made me think.

On many levels.

When does life start? When are we created? Not when are we born, but when are we created?

Are we created when the sperm hits the egg? Are we created when we are born and take that first breath? Or are we yet to be created until we as an individual recognize our existence and acknowledge where we can from, both mother and father? Or are we created at the onset of a relationship that will lead to sex, a spark in the eye so to speak (ok that one’s a little far-fetched).

But in the whole circle of life, when is the moment you can look in the mirror and truly say, I’m alive, I am living, and in doing so acknowledge that everything living must die?

What if we are just still eggs or sperm in our ancestors body waiting to be connected to our soulmate, attempting time and time again to plan out the perfect exit plan, or entrance into life? What if we are just thoughts that haven’t actually experienced any of this yet? What if we are waiting to make the connection with the one racing toward us? Whose to say this is life, other than a thought that was thought before us and we all chose to accept without proof?

Because my innocent son thought he could have a new dad if he believed hard enough. He thought he could have me as his DNA mom and a new DNA dad, and it made me question what have I come to believe to be “true” just because someone said it. How deep of a connection can we create with someone? How far back can we go? How alive are we at this point that things are irreversible?

Yes we can touch and feel things etc, but whose to say that there isn’t so much more than that, and we aren’t just the start of something so much bigger and better that no one has yet to experience, so we’ve yet to discover and therefore no one discusses/believes it.

Whose to say we aren’t just the egg / sperm waiting with all our knowledge to connect with someone else and create a new life / universe/ experience, literally anything we want to call it?

Food for thought.


-Petra/Destiny-

 

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I Like Big Butts And I Can Not Lie You Other Brothers Can’t Deny That When A Girl Walks In With An Itty Bitty Waist And A Round Thing In Your Face You Get Sprung

So Little E had a friend over on Sunday and I heard him asking Alexa to play “I like Big Butts.” Now in my house, for the most part, I’m pretty open with my kids, and that includes music. I’d rather keep an open dialogue then have to deal with little secrets now that can turn into big things later. So they can basically listen to whatever music, unless the profanity is extreme. My kids aren’t allowed to swear because I’ve taught them a vast vocabulary and try to teach them a few things about swearing. First, if you don’t understand the meaning behind the word you shouldn’t be using it, and secondly it’s better to try to communicate what you’re trying to get across with more than just one word. Yes sometimes the curse word is the best you can come up with, and maybe when you’re older, it will be more suitable with your vocabulary to use. But for now, lets work on expanding our knowledge and finding more precise words to explain our feelings.

Anyways, back to big butts lol. When I heard the song come off while Little E’s friend was over I asked him to change it. He was fine with that. Later after supper I explained that I didn’t know if his friends parents would appreciate him hearing that kind of language at our house and that to remember we are trying to be role models in our life for others.

Then he asked what was so bad about the song. So I explained that the song talks about how men like big butts and it’s not a lie, other men can’t deny (or lie) that when a beautiful woman walks in with a beautiful body, or a nice figure and large bum, it gives them a hard penis or erection.

To which he was like ‘Oh yeah that happened to me at Superstore”

Surprise Mom!

And so we dove into the sex talk. I told him having an erection is perfectly normal and it’s a guys body’s way of preparing his penis for sex, although just because you get an erection, does not mean you must have sex. It just means you are attracted to that individual and now the blood is rushing to your penis, making it protrude from your body so it can more easily enter the vagina.

I explained how you would first find someone who you enjoy spending time with and trust and feel safe and happy as well as comfortable with, as sex is a very intimate (close) thing. And just because your penis is capable of getting an erection, doesn’t mean your mentally able to deal with the other elements that sex entails. You would want to build a relationship with a person before moving forward and having sex with anyone who gives you an erection. But, I told him, if you start a relationship with someone and feel uncomfortable, it’s ok to stop the relationship and just remain friends. You don’t have to have a physical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with everyone. You will eventually choose one person that you feel the best and most special with. Then, once you’ve built that bond with the person you feel most happy with, and have dated for a while and felt safe and comfortable with, and they are happy with you, you might want to consider sex.

Now it’s important to know, sex is not just one thing. It’s not just when the penis goes into the vagina. It’s a whole situation. It’s intimacy. It’s kissing and hugging. It’s touching their bodies. It’s making each other feel good. Sex cannot be defined as something in one second, and can be different each time (yes I realize I went deep for a 8.5 year old, but I also told him this wouldn’t be our only talk on it, as it’s a fluid subject). Anyways, sex is about both people involved making each others bodies feel pleasure, and the most simple way of doing that is through the penis going in and out of the vagina , but the best way of doing it through listening and responding to what your partner wants, and responding to that. Kissing, touching, different positions (to which very awkward hand motions came out) etc. Sex is normally finished once both people have reached the most pleasure their bodies can. For men, it is when they ejaculate, which is when sperm comes out of their penis, creating the most pleasurable feeling throughout the body. I didn’t go into female orgasms at that time, because, well one step at a time lol.

Anyways, so far he was being an active participant in the conversation, which is why I went this far. When I talked about male ejaculation and sperm, we moved more into how babies are made, as he talked about how he knew what sperm was and how it was half of what joined with the egg to create the baby.

So I told him, the sperm go into the woman, and one of the sperm reaches the egg and they join together to multiply and grow and grow and grow inside the woman to create a baby. So that’s how sex can create a baby. Which I very skillfully and motherfully (not a word I know) linked back to why it was important to choose carefully who you have a relationship and then sex with, as that person could potentially be your parenting partner. Like you two could be a dad and mom together.

But then he was like “so every time you have sex you make a baby?” To which I wanted to be like YES so avoid it forever!!! lol. But I was honest and explained about condoms to protect from sicknesses you can get from sex. Then I touched a bit on a woman’s period. So if a woman didn’t have sex while her egg was ready, her period came and washed it away and prepared a new fresh one next month denoting the importance of timing.

Oh man, it was a big discussion. But Little E was involved and asking questions, understanding most of it. Of course you don’t fully understand something like sex and intimacy until you’ve experienced it for yourself, but to be more prepared will help the depth of his empiricism, at least those are my sentiments.

But in the end I told him I don’t want him judging a woman or potential partner solely on her body, as the song suggests. Yes, women have wonderful bodies and they can make you think of being with them in a sexual way, and they can give you an erection by just simply standing there and existing because we are beautifully made, but a woman is not just a body. We have thoughts and feelings and emotions and dreams and goals like men do. How would you feel if a girl only liked you because of your hair or nice smile, and not because your good at math or didn’t care that you liked hockey, or never wanted to discuss how your day was? You wouldn’t feel as comfortable and happy with her as you should. There is a girl out there who will make you smile every day and want to hear all about those things, not because she feels its part of her job, but because you genuinely interest her, and you make her happy, by just being you. That’s the kind of girl you should be dating and be in a relationship with to one day have sex. But remember, there is no rush, because you’re not ready to be a dad.

Since then there’s just been a few follow-up questions, like what does sexy mean, and can you only make a baby once, or every month? Both good questions, which I tried answering as simply as I could for him.

Because although he is only 8, since he understood and took it seriously, it was time. And I trust him. He made me proud. More proud than half the guys out prowling the night lately anyways.


-Old School Players / Baby Got Back-