I Remember When I Lost My Mind There Was Something So Pleasant About That Place Even Your Emotions Have An Echo In So Much Space

Friday night my kids daycare had a Christmas party where they sang a few songs and had a visit from Santa.

Where to start. Straight off the bat I thought it was kinda strange that they would be having a “concert” at daycare, but whatever C, let it be. So we showed up at 6, where I was surprised to see some of the kids in their Sunday best for this shin-dig. Here my kids are still in whatever clothes they had picked themselves to wear to school that morning and I’m pretty sure Z had been doing some sort of paint project at school since it was covering her shirt, but whatever, let kids be kids right? So here are my two children looking like scrubs but happy, amongst the rest of the kids who looked great, but half of them were crying as the night got late, since they were younger and really didn’t get this whole ‘concert’ idea.

Anyways, this thing was a freakin’ disaster from start to finish. The staff had NOOOO clue what they were doing, and kept herding kids from one place to another and then right back from where they came because there was no communication. Then they had taped/hung some sheets in front of the kids cubbys for a backdrop or something, and used heavy Christmas ornaments/statues to hold the sheets up. Well the kids kept backing into the sheets, causing the statues to fall and two kids were smacked on the head during the singing, which caused more crying and chaos to ensue. Kinda hilarious for us parents of the non-hit kids to watch. I’m awful I know.

Then this one staff member L, who I actually think is the owner which makes it worse, wouldn’t just let kids be kids. Like when you go to a kids concert, you expect to see the cute stuff like nose picking and shyness etc. But if any of the children were’t doing the exact action, she would crawl over, getting in front of the other kids, therefore messing up any videos parents were taking, and literally hold their arms and wave them around herself. Like it was ridiculous. Lighten up a bit will you?

THENNNNNN, oh here’s where we get to the part that actually made me mad. And I can’t remember the last time I was MAD like this. Call this a rant I don’t even care, this need to be discussed and I need to get these feelings out because I was PISSED.

So, Santa was about to make his appearance. All the kids were herded upstairs (again so disorganized,  but that’s not my point) and made to sit in silence, which I question since they were taking pictures with Santa, not videos, but again, not what actually made me mad, just would’ve done things differently myself considering it was supposed to be a party not a funeral home. The same L lady told all the kids they would get to have a picture with Santa and they would be choosen in order of goodness, which yeah started to bother me, because they should never be judged on character in front of each other. But as soon as she said that I saw my girl Z sit up so nice and straight and fold her hands on her lap, a position she held the entire time. Santa Ho Ho Ho’d his way in and her face lit up. She’d been talking about him all week. All the details of his visit, where will he park his reindeer? Is he scary? What will he look like? Will he know her name? On and on and on. Little E knows Santa is not real, but he played along with me in getting her prepared for this visit and she was so excited for this moment. So when L said kids would get to sit on his lap for a picture in order of goodness, I wasn’t too impressed, but when she started choosing kids willy nilly, I was like well that’s not really cool, it probably leaves kids wondering why aren’t they “good”enough. But when she choose kids yelling in her face, and  running around the room, I got annoyed. But what absolutely pissed me to no end, was to see one by one, she chose each and every *white* kid in the entire daycare, until the only 4 who were left were my 2, and 2 other mixed race sisters.

I was incensed. Especially because as I observed L’s decisions I realized that she didn’t give one fuck. These 4 kids were probably some of the best behaved kids in the room. They sat perfectly quite in their spots without shouting out or causing trouble in anyway. But she blatantly chose kids based on “goodness” in front of them and picked kids who were very obviously behaving worse than them. And parents other than me noticed. And since it’s not obvious that I’m my children’s mother, discussed her poor choosing right in front of me. I was not the only one who noticed this palpable racism. But I’m probably the only one who did anything about it.

After all the kids had finally had their turn, Z stuck around. She was the only kid who was so deeply enamoured with Santa that she went back for a couple hugs after, staying to watch him until the very last moment after all the other kids had gone to eat cookies and other treats. Like when I say this was a special moment for her, I mean she’s been talking about it non-stop. Calling her grandparents to discuss it in depth after and telling me all the dreams shes had about him since. This has affected her.

What affected me, was how her and her brother were treated along with the other 2 girls of colour. Never in my life have I seen my kids treated like this. We have lived in various cities in Canada as well as 3 in Kenya and my kids have always been treated equal to their peers, their skin never coming into play so unmistakably. So I left there with a hot head. and couldn’t let it go. If this is how they are treated on a day to day basis at the place that is supposed to care for them and teach them basic life lessons and values, then it’s an issue. A big issue. And my blood was boiling.

I couldn’t sleep that night without doing something, so I sent an email to the daycare stating my issue. Sure it could have been an oversight, and maybe it was by chance, but it was not a chance I was going to take. If my children are looked upon as less than because of melanin, then it’s a big issue that I don’t take lightly, and it needed to be addressed. Don’t worry, my email was way less wordy and not nearly as ranty as this. I explained my concerns and noted that if this was an situation that continued, then we would need to continue to examine it further. And yes I spell proofed and edited much better than this post lol. Anyways, no word back yet. Hopefully my kids don’t get kicked out of daycare for it? Although would the daycare be stupid enough to take that kind of recourse, because honestly at this point if they did something as overt as that… well then I have a case.


-Gnarls Barkley/Crazy-

 

 

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I Drink ‘Til I’m Drunk, Smoke ’til I’m High / I Stay Fresh As Hell, Take A Pic, Might As Well

Friday was our work Christmas party.

It was your pretty standard office party. Me, along with my boss A with his wife then my co-worker J and her husband. My boss’s parents even joined us for the first bit, as they live here in Kelowna and he started the company. So as per usual I was the perfect 7th wheel. Story of my life.

We started off with some axe throwing which was a good way to get some angry energy out. Just picture everything you’ve ever hated at the center of the target and throw away. I was excellent at it. I have a lot of things to envision at the moment. Well mainly one, but I used it a lot.  A’s mom didn’t hit the target once and I felt so bad for her, but she was just wildly throwing all over the place it was pretty funny in a pathetic way. Actually his wife barely got anything either now that I think of it. Woman in my group that night are not doing us any favours in the “anything guys can do we can do to” area. But I enjoyed it nonetheless. From there we went to a little hole in the wall niche pub and started with a few appetizers and drinks and I found a game/deck of cards with music questions so we fooled around with that for a bit while we waited for our reservation to open up next door.

A’s parents left us after a couple drinks and we headed to dinner around 9. Actually I should rephrase that. It was this really fancy hipster place where steak was $110 and the rest were basically tapas, so instead of dinner, we all shared about 10 tapas ranging from bone marrow to duck balls to curried carrots. All fancy, but not filling stuff. There was another bottle of wine, a couple of sangrias, and a few vodka sodas. So basically on top of the drinks from the previous joint, all this between the 5 of us, and these tiny fancy sophisticated tapas, the table was getting drunk.

Well, to be honest, the four of them were much more far gone than I was. Yea I can get drunk but it seems like it takes a lot more for me. Either way, A suggested we move venues and so we headed out. After a short walk down the street we ended up at THE white-est Irish pub known to mankind. O’Flannigans. Like it doesn’t get more Caucasian than that. But they were ready to dance (if that was possible) and I wasn’t going to stop 4 drunk people from having their fun. We headed in and ordered a round of beers and that’s when I was like ok… If I have to spend the rest of my night here, I’m gonna need to step my game up to take off the pain of this music. So we started shots. A promised me that every shot I took he would take as well, but I could tell he was already smashed so I told him it wasn’t worth it, and that he couldn’t keep up. I was right. I did 4 shots off the bat and then the band came on. They were actually a pretty decent cover band and I’ll have to admit since they didn’t play country music, that it wasn’t all that bad. I did a few more shots through the night rounding off at about 10 and bummed a few drags off a couple different groups of people outside so by then, I was feeling ok. A was so wasted after 3 shots with me that he kept insisting he could find me a guy in the pub. I was like buddy, trust me. There is not a single guy in this entire vicinity that I would come close to fucking. Not even close. Then he kept saying how about that one, or that one. And I was just like dude. You have known me how long and your even suggesting that you could find someone for me in an Irish pub where I can stand up and literally see over the heads of the majority of the crowd just shows how very little you know me. Plus hun, I don’t need nor do I want your help getting a guy. Especially if you think these guys have a chance. It’s just embarrassing for both of us.

J and her husband had to leave around midnight since their babysitter needed to head home, which was unfortunate because right after they left 3 drag queens walked in. I went and joined Sparkle, Alexa and Ella at their table and that’s when MY party got started. We did a few more shots and danced a while before A dragged himself off his chair (where I swore he almost fell asleep a few times) to let me know they had to head out. His wife was so disappointed and kept telling me she could’ve danced the whole night, but A wanted to go home and check on the dogs (lame) so I figured I would leave then too. O’Flannigans wasn’t my spot of choice in the first place, so I wasn’t staying alone.

All in all, it was a decent night. I looked more then hot. 15 drinks down. New food experienced. A joint smoked. Dancing with drag queens. Snuck into 2 other peoples random selfies. Danced with 2 guys who you know thought they were getting lucky before I walked away. Only inappropriately touched once. And managed to taxi home to the sitter without fucking anyone.

Productive.


-Bruno Mars, Kodak Black, Gucci Mane/Wake Up In The Sky-

I Don’t Want A Lot For Christmas There Is Just One Thing I Need And I Don’t Care About The Presents

Christmas is coming. You know how I can tell? My sister R sent me a text this morning. Nope scratch that. R sent me 8 texts while I was driving to work (before 8 am) and another 4 within a few hours of me arriving to work, all related to what I should get her family for this upcoming holiday. Let me remind you that this is my super religious sister who told me she would not attend my next wedding due to her deep Christian beliefs… before I had even decided to divorce E. No I wasn’t engaged and planning a wedding, nor was I even dating anyone (still not but that’s the story of my life). She just felt it was her place to let me know her stance…because religion and all that. (about that R story here = Nobody Said It Was Easy. No One Ever Said It Would Be This Hard

So when I got her texts suggesting what I get her kids and husband for Christmas, I was just like, R… back off. I understand that you are literally the most frugal person to ever exist on the face of the earth, but I am a struggling single mom of two children who hasn’t even figured out if I can celebrated a decent Christmas with my own kids, let alone buy for my extended family, so just step the fuck off. If I want to buy for your 4 kids (yes my nieces, but just bare with me here) then I will ask you what they want/need, I don’t need you plying me with unwanted/needed pressure right now. Besides, I thought you of all people would be gung ho about the whole “reason for the season” shit. You know? Jesus and the birth of Christ stuff? The whole God you follow whole heartedly enough to kick me while I’m down and put me on blast about all his rules regarding divorce and crap? What are his rules about gift giving over his sons birth or commandments about being greedy?

There’s got to be some boundaries somewhere!  R, I believe Jesus Christ the Saviour of your world only received 3 gifts on this holiday, and that’s without providing an extensive list. Three presents is something R and her husband J can give their children without providing extended family a wishlist. And I can guarantee the big J.C. didn’t get a pair of fuzzy onesies when he made his debut into the world, like they are asking for.

It’s just beyond annoying when people use religion as a crutch when convenient. Or jump on the bandwagon when that belief suits their need in that moment. I’m sick of the consumerism built up all around us, holidays or not. Do you even know why your celebrating this year? Or are you just thankful for the day off? If that’s your reason, then let it be your reason. Be happy to take some well needed R&R and just treat yourself to some family time if that’s what your into, or indulge in WAYYYY to much to eat if that’s what you need. You can enjoy quietly without choosing to berate people who celebrate a birthday thousands of years ago if that’s not your thing, just do your own celebrating however you decide, there’s no need to mock them or belittle others of any religion.

But for the love of everything good, just pick one and stand by it. Be true to you and who you are. It doesn’t have to come at the expense of others. You can have strong beliefs, that’s amazing. It also doesn’t have to become something extravagant and ridiculous until you are so caught up in it, that you don’t even remember why you are “enjoying” the holiday in the first place.

Take the time to figure out what you believe, or if you haven’t yet, decide what you want to believe.

What do you want to celebrate.

And then do it. Live it. Celebrate it thoroughly and truly every day.

But just remember, each individual must choose for themselves.

And for the love of everything good and sane, don’t ever assume someone is going to buy you a present.


-Mariah Carey / All I Want For Christmas-

And So This Is Christmas And What Have We Done Another Year Over, A New One Just Begun

Christmas has come and gone.

And it was good. Great? Naw. Good. For sure.

No great ‘sweep me off my feet’ miracle. No knight in shining armor riding a horse to carry me off into the (freezing cold) sunset. But those aren’t my dreams anyways. So, yeah, it was good.

Mostly fun times with enough family that you could avoid talking to the ones you didn’t want to chat with, but enough people around that it kept it interesting to say the least.  Happy kids chattering away about what they hope to see wrapped under the tree. turned into ripped paper strewn everywhere. Old men napping in front of the TV blaring too loudly. Leftovers for days (mainly because my mom choose to cook a Keto dinner… trying to push her latest diet trend on us all). Too many baked goods to name compliments of my nieces which my sister made sure to inform me of, the fact that all her girls know how to bake, which is a huge deal that sets them miles above my kids apparently. Games that make everyone look ridiculous and almost made me pee my (new size smaller, super comfy) pants. Think Charades and that game where you put the plastic mouth piece in so you can’t speak properly because your mouth is the size of a small country. A morning with one gift under the tree for myself from Little E that he painted at school, and the rest from a fake “Santa” addressed to the kids.  Then add on top of that cranky kids because they are staying up way later than normal, and consuming more sugar in one day than they have all year… and you have Christmas.

K did come with us to my mom’s Christmas Eve dinner, so that was special. He had promised, and although he was so nervous about it, he pulled through and I’m really happy about that. My mom was so adorable, she had bought him  sweater which was far too small and way to tacky for him, but it was the thought that counts. He met my sister R and her husband J, spent some time with N and D, whom he’d met before when they came over for poker night, and just hung out.

And that was it. Taa-Daa.

Can’t wait for next year. Where we do it all again, but somehow we are all older and wiser.


-Celine Dion/Happy Xmas-

Him An’ His Christmas Spirit Are Really A Lotta Bunk I’ll Have To Bust My Ass For Another Year Just To Pay For All This Junk

So, the other night I was wrapping Christmas presents for my kids after they went to sleep, and it came time to label them, and I started getting pissed off.

Pissed off because I worked hard for the money used to buy those gifts. I spent my days off going shopping for those presents. I kept lists throughout the year of what my kids needed/would like, so that I would know what the perfect gifts would be. But now, as I go to label them, and have to sign the “from” part… I have to write Santa on most of them.

So some imaginary fat dude in a red suit gets all the credit for my hard work? Yeah, that pisses me off.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the idea of ‘the holidays.’ Of people gathering together, exchanging gifts as a token of love for one other. Spending time with family and friends you haven’t seen in too long. Indulging in far to much alcohol and baked goods etc. Enjoying the sparkling lights against the dark winter sky. All that stuff, I’m for. But the Santa shit? Why? Why can’t we get into the spirit of joy and festivity without lying to our children? Why can’t we just spend time together and have time off work to celebrate life and each other, without all the fake… everything? Why can’t we just have this time of year for looking back, reflecting, and enjoying life. Sure I’m okay with gift giving, although not to the extreme extent that most people take it, but a small exchange to show you appreciate someone? I think that’s more than reasonable. A big meal surrounded by people you love? Totally do-able. But to infiltrate our kids minds with lies, when they look to us to be a guide, a source of truth? That’s just inhumane.

Like, way to set your kids up to never believe you again. To them, you’ll become the boy who cried wolf. They’ll start questioning everything you’ve ever taught them, and rightfully so.

Santa? Not true.

The Easter Bunny? Lie.

The Tooth Fairy? Jokes on you, and on it goes.

So I don’t see why we can’t just be honest to our kids. Ya know… there’s this thing we could try where we treat them like actual humans for once? With though processes that start now and will form the adults they will become. The ones that will inherit this world. They’ll believe what we tell them, so why can’t we tell them the truth?

Why do we feel so pressured to continue a ridiculous lie that I’m willing to bet 95% of you don’t even know where it started from…

I’ll tell you why. Because when one of us attempts to tell our kids the truth (yep, me telling Little E Santa’s a farce) every year, each year they get caught up in all the hype of the other kids at school or day care etc, so it’s like trying to hold back a massive tidal wave with your bare hands. Impossible. They understand when you first tell them, and then the confusion sets in when they are literally bombarded from every direction starting in November of some overweight senior dressed in red with a white beard.

So, all I’m asking is, for the sake of every other single mom/dad out there, who not only worked hard for the gifts she bought her kids, but more importantly because I want my kids to be raised in the truth, that you thoughtfully consider how you approach the holidays in the future.

Do you want your kids to think its all about the red suit? Or maybe, just maybe, have them value something more.

I know what I’m working towards. But I also know I can’t do it alone.


P.S. Check out the new post on www.thebirthoflove.ca


-Rudolph & The Gang/Here Comes Fatty Clause-