No, I Don’t Want Your Number No, I Don’t Want To Give You Mine And No, I Don’t Want To Meet You Nowhere No, I Don’t Want None Of Your Time

Wow! Men are literally coming outta the woodwork.

I took a picture at work and posted it on the gram today (because I look amazing as I discussed yesterday lol) and my phones been going non-stop. I guess I should preface this by saying selfies for me used to be VERY rare. Like my whole Instagram feed has maybe 10 pictures of me, since the dawn of my page about 4 years ago, and probably 5 of them are within the last 6 months. But even those other few pictures never garnered this much response. So now I’ve posted a selfie… and these guys are all up in my DM and texting.

But for real all these guys keep dropping hints like they’re free tonight, or they’re only in town for a little while longer… but then nothing. I’m like, be a man, and ask me out. Don’t leave it to me. Make a plan. Follow through. I’m not impressed by your utter lack of effort. I’m not going to invite guys over to my place just cause it’s convenient for everyone. I want a date. And so either be willing to make that effort or I’m moving on… right fast.

I’m no longer worried about being ‘undatable’ or something. I’ve come to learn that I’m totally dating/marriage material, but men nowadays just don’t ask women on dates.

But I’m a patient woman. I can totally wait for the one that will.

In the meantime though I’m keeping this rant short and sweet since I’m at the park with my kiddos.

Which bring me to who, by the way, decided sand between your toes was an amazing feeling? It’s so annoying! It scratches your feet, rubs between your skin and sandals, and to top it off it’s a pain to walk in.


-TLC/No Scrubs-

Love In A Thousand Different Flavours I Wish That I Could Taste Them All Tonight No, I Ain’t Got No Dinner Plans

After W was killed, months had passed since the funeral and I had had multiple conversations with myself about “moving on”. One week I particular I found my thoughts constantly dwelling on things like ‘was I ready’, and if I was how would I even meet someone new?!? I no longer went to the club/pub/bars, and my circle of friends had been drastically reduced since the previous summer when I was raped by M and quit the job where we had both worked, and a lot of my friends worked as well. I kinda cut them all out of my life and wanted a hundred percent fresh start, without anything to remind me of M, and that basically left me with only W, until he was killed and I was left with no one. So I had a new apartment downtown (I had obviously moved out of the apartment M&A and I were going to share) I literally had like zero friends, all of my own doing, and a recently deceased boyfriend, and I was 20 years old and had to start fresh.

I had no clue about how I was going to do it. And one week it was really on my mind a lot. So I had decided I was going to make a move and go out that Friday night, on my own, dancing. So it was maybe Wednesday or Thursday and I went to the mall on my day off after work to find something new to wear for the club. I was there for maybe an hour or so and honestly wasn’t feeling it and decided to head home thinking I could always try again next week, considering it’s not like I would let anyone down by not going, I had only made plans with myself anyways.

So I was walking out to my car in the mall parking lot when a man came up to me. And I’ll be real, I don’t really remember how the conversation went but the jist of it was he worked out of town, as a lot of people do in our city, and just needed a place to chill for a few days, so could he stay with me.

Now any ‘normal person would scream hell no and beeline for safety, but nope, not me. I thoughtfully considered this very attractive man before me and instead of just straight out saying no, I made some lame excuses about living in a bachelor suite and only having one bed. I thought maybe this was the universes way of helping me get over W, since I’d been thinking about it for a while now. And that’s when his pickup game became even stronger cause he pulled out something like ‘oh we’ll just have to share a bed then’ and somehow within about 1-2 minutes of literally seeing him for the first time, I agreed to let him stay a couple days with me knowing full well I would sleep with him once he got to my place. I honestly took it as a sign. I wanted to make a move to get out and meet new guys and here was one right in front of me… sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

I for real can’t even remember his name, so we’ll just call home John Doe or JD. But JD was the second guy I ever slept with. And yes he was 100% a rebound or recovery or whatever you want to call him, but he helped me get over the loss of W… maybe. Probably not. I still think what if W was still around so maybe I’m not completely over him, but are we ever?

Anyways, I gave JD my address and we met later at my apartment. We hung out almost every spare moment over the next probably 4-5 days. He took me to the hottest Jamaican restaurants in town and then every night we hit up a different dance hall/party that was going on in and around the city. JD seemed to have the know with everything. He had all the hookups and best connections, he also seemed to have the money for everything. Made me wonder why he didn’t want to stay at a hotel, but hey, I didn’t ask those kind of questions, I had my own selfish reasons for chilling with him, so I didn’t mind how much money he spent on me.

Anyways by the time the weekend neared the end, JD had to head back to work and I was ready to ‘get back out there’ again. JD was a fun time, a very much needed escape, and boy had he taught me a thing or two in bed! I guess having sex with someone over double your age and a heck of a lot of experience will do that! But he made me realize that there are so many experiences out there waiting for me. And also that it’s totally possible for a man to treat you with kindness and respect for a few days, even knowing he won’t benefit in the long term from it. But just because your a woman and he’s a man.

We both entered into that week knowing it would only be a few days, yet he treated me like a queen. He didn’t try to hide me from anyone or anything. We went to house parties and he would introduce me around and gladly make sure I was comfortable with a drink and that I wasn’t creeped on all night. He bought groceries for my place, and would make the bed every morning (something I don’t even do tbh). I’m just saying, he could’ve been a complete dick, but instead acted like a gentleman and gave me hope about getting back out there. He made me believe that, yep, it would be worth it one day.
So JD, even though you were 46 years old and picking up chicks in the mall parking lot, you’re lucky you’re SOO fine or else I would’ve left you there, but also thanks for making my first experience into the fwb world decent and memorable.

Or maybe no thanks to you? Maybe if you had been awful I would’ve gave up more easily and wouldn’t have messed around with so many men after you in search of “Mr. Right”

Either way, JD, your bold parking lot antics paved the way for many more men over the next decade to come.

May they forever be in debt to you.


-Jason Derulo/Swalla-

We’ve Grown To Close For That, Fuck A Friend Zone I Know I Ain’t Perfect

So last night, K called again (twice but I was busy the first time around) and after he got off the phone as quickly as possible, I realized the call was similar to one I would’ve had with my mother.

“Tell me about your day” “How are the kids” “Oh you need things like this in your life C” “Good for you C” “I’m happy for you” “Ok well I have to go, I was just calling to check up on you”

And the call was done in like 15 minutes. Reflecting back, this is how our last few phone calls have gone. When I try to talk about how he is, and what’s new with him, he’ll chat for a minute or two and then be like “Woah woah, that’s enough about me, I just called to make sure your ok.” And laying in bed last night it hit me why it bothered me…

I’ve never been friend zoned before. Ever. Let alone by someone I liked. And it almost made me question my feelings for K. Well, it obviously did or I wouldn’t be sitting here writing about it. Do I like him only because he’s a challenge? Something I’ve never faced before? And what the fuck! I’m the one who originally tried to push K away, multiple times at that lol, like how dare he do this to me. I’m not really that bothered but common, I’m the one who tried ending whatever this was on so many occasions, only to have K pull me back in, now to turn around and do this? WTF?

I have always got every guy I’ve gone after. I know that may sound arrogant but thinking about it last night, and trust me I went WAY back, I realized I’ve never been shut down like this.

In high school I never dated anyone, but it’s because I wasn’t interested in any of the guys in my school. To be frank, I most definitely have a “type.” You know your standard tall dark and handsome? Well I like them tall (duh) and dark? For sure, super, super, extra dark if you know what I mean 🙂 Plus, everyone likes handsome lol. But in my school, with a graduating class of over 800 people, there were only 2 black guys. And in my ever so humble opinion, they weren’t handsome (to be kind). So I didn’t have your girly “high school crush” and really had no desire to make anything happen with anyone during those years. And even if I did, it probably wouldn’t have happened because I just wasn’t that outgoing enough to start anything.

After I met W, who yeah, I was never put in the friend zone with, every guy I picked out, I hooked up with, unless I decided I didn’t want too. On dating sites, or at the club, if I made up my mind that I wanted something to happen with a guy, then I made it happen. I’ve never been turned down ever. I mean probably because I was offering to give out sex like no body’s business, but still, if I wanted it, I got it. Plus when I wanted it to stop, I stopped it. And it was in my hands with whom.

But these were only one night stand things, which was what I was looking for at the time. Now that I actually want something more, the feeling of being held at a distance is somewhat infuriating. I feel like I should say a sincere sorry to all the guys I was not so polite to in the past. Guys I judged based solely on skin colour, crappy first liners or even something as petty as bad grammar, then there were lame dance moves or lack or muscle etc… Basically if they didn’t look a certain way, then I wanted nothing to do with them and they didn’t stand a chance right off the bat. Which I understand is VERY hypocritical of me, considering that is something K wants to base a long-term relationship on. Looks. And this is after he has at least gotten to know me.

I would only fuck a guy if he looked a certain way, because hey, I’m only looking at you for one night, let me at least enjoy what I have to stare at while we fuck. I want your body to at least turn me on somewhat right? I don’t care about your personality or shit like that for a one night stand. I just want a good dick. Where as K wants to look at his chick for life, shouldn’t he enjoy it?

Anyways, I was/am the queen of friend zoning guys. Nope scratch that. I didn’t even put them in the friend zone. I ignore them. I block them. In fact I have more blocked numbers on my phone then my entire contact list. Guys who I’ve fucked and then disposed of like last nights leftovers that went bad. Or guys who had potential, but somewhere between giving out my number and my address, I got a picture of them and changed my mind. Or just felt like sleeping that night instead, or got a more interesting phone call, or any number of reasons that they became annoying and I just moved on.

And to be completely honest, K was on my blocked list once too, until somewhere along the line he got a second phone, and called me and said he had memorized my number which was so endearing to me. That and the fact he actually got a prescription for Viagra early on to try to impress me lol. Trust me y’all he did not at all need it, but he did it for me. I think once he knew I had been with so many guys, it might’ve been a little intimidating for him and he wanted to make sure he was impressing me, his dick was damn impressing from the start, I just have commitment issues since E. The pill ended up only giving him a stomach ache which he blamed on my cooking, but the premise was adorable.

So why does a guy go out of his way to memorize my number, call me every night to chat for hours, bus to my place to fuck like 3-4 times a week, go to the doctor as a very healthy guy in his late 20’s and complain about erectile dysfunction to attempt longer performance in the sack, among a crap load of other sweet things, like bringing gifts for my kids and cooking me suppers, now choose to friend zone me?

Probably because I said I won’t get a butt lift lol. And can I blame him? I hate it, for sure, but I am just as shallow as he is, if not more so. Because I judge men on their looks as well. And I don’t even give them a chance. I won’t even meet them if they don’t meet my “standards.” K is talking about having standards for marriage, standards FOR LIFE, which is more than I ever did. I married the first guy who popped the question with a god awful purple ring.

Maybe I should gracefully bow out.

But for sure I should rethink my “standards”


-G-Easy/Friend Zone-

No Matter What I Do, I’m No Good Without You 

Ahhhh, W. Many of you have asked me about W, and what happened to such a nice guy… why I let him get away. The fact is I never let him go, he was taken from me.

We met one night while I was out dancing with the girls after work. It was an impromptu thing and I was still dressed in my work clothes (black pants and white button up shirt, think server style 😒 mmm attractive hey?) and just wanted a night of fun. So a bunch of us headed to a club, as per usual. And there he was. We caught each other’s eye across the dance floor a couple times, he was with his guys and me with my group of friends. But within about 15-20 minutes he had made his way next to me and we danced for 2-3 hours straight. And that was it. We just danced. My all time favorite thing to do. He was good at it, I’m good at it (humble brag lol) and we just meshed together so well. We took a couple breaks to chill with our individual groups of friends that we came with, but we continued to find each other on the dance floor throughout the night. Until I had to leave. I was the designated driver like always, since I don’t really drink and had to get some friends home, so in a Cinderella type fashion I told him thanks for the night and that I had fun, and left without another word.

Well I guess that wasn’t enough for him. He started asking around within my group of friends remaining for my name and number, and I received a voicemail at work the very next morning. Swoon.

I was a little wary at first since he was almost a decade older then me, and I literally knew nothing about him other than his dancing skills, but I agreed to meet him for coffee later that week when we both had time and we hit it off amazingly. He was smart, kind, attractive, sensitive yet strong, always made me laugh, and made me feel like a queen 24/7. We went out the next night again to the movies and played some pool then to his place.

We spent every weekend on the same dance floor where we first met, and over the months our routine was pretty much guaranteed. Movies, dancing til close, back to his place, sleep, off to work, then repeat. I slowly started spending more nights at his place until I pretty much only went back to my place to pay rent and grab a change of clothes.

W was a very dedicated man who knew what he believed in. We debated often with passion, but we never argued. He knew my weaknesses and never exploited them. He knew what made me laugh and took joy in seeing me smile. He cared for me after I was raped, and even though I knew he wanted to exact his own revenge, he respected my wishes in how I wanted the situation handled.

I think he’s the only man who’s ever truly loved me.

And then he was murdered.

W was walking home from the club downtown one night while I was working late when there was a drive by shooting. W was an innocent bystander who was shot and died on the scene.

W had no family here since he had immigrated on his own years ago, so I was left dealing with funeral arrangements. I was now 20 years old and my boyfriend had just been killed at only 29 years old. I had been raped less then 4 months ago and now this.

I was overwhelmed to say the least. That’s when, after a few months after W passed away, I started sleeping around out of… well basically hatred of the world, however little that makes sense.

I felt like I had already had my happily ever after and no one would ever compare to W. So I started one night stand after another. After another. And another. And that’s when I met E. After however many men (I stopped counting, because I stopped caring) I met E, and pretty much threw in the towel.

Also explains why I’m not at all a fan of violence, although I don’t think that needs to be explained. Innocent people are hurt or killed all the time, and they leave behind loved ones. And maybe they aren’t innocent, maybe for some reason they were involved in some sort of shit. I still don’t think violence, of any kind, be it guns or fists or anything, is the answer to any of life’s problems. I think if you can’t figure out how to solve your issues with your mind/words, then your shouldn’t be fighting. You obviously don’t have the strength it will take to win.


-Rihanna/Love on the Brain-