Cause For Every Lie I Tell Them, They Tell Me Three This Is How The World Works Now All He Thinks About Is Me

Whomp there it is (Whomp there it is) Ahh I need emoji’s on my computer’s keyboard so I could follow that up with musical notes or something.

Anyways. My shit gets shittier (Don’t correct my grammar, let’s just all assume at this point I know I’m making up words, it’s called artistic licence), as it’s prone to do. I’m not sure if E is just… well I’m don’t even have words to describe anything he does anymore. I don’t know if it’s for attention or out of boredom or what have you, but he felt the need to call out of the blue on Saturday, after canceling a play date with the kids (yes his once per month, if that, visit with his own spawn) to inform me that there’s a rumor going around about him.

Oh. My. Actual. God. E. I don’t care. I’m not in Junior High any more. I don’t spend my days fighting gossip OR spreading rumors, and I most definitely don’t care if it’s about you! But he proceeded to insist that I needed to know that this rumor was not true, and that I had to know. Fine! What is it?

Well I guess, first off, he supposedly (let’s all take a moment to remember now, EVERYTHING E’s ever told me ie. his age, his secret daughter that he claimed not to know about, him not doing drugs, where our money was going, him not ever even hitting me, he’s going to sign the divorce papers, every word from his mouth has been a lie) anyways, according to him, he heard at his dad’s funeral, which was back in August 2017, a rumor about him having HIV, which he adamantly denies as being true.

When he first told me I honest to god said that’s fine I’m never fucking sleeping with you ever again. Like is this some weird twisted plot to try to get me back? Then for a split second, I tried to think of the last time we did have ANY physical contact, on the off-chance it was true, and he was denying it. My mind was at ease so fast remembering right away that it’s literally been 4 years this week sometime (THAT week back in Kenya), and I’m pretty sure I would’ve shown some sort of symptoms by now, duh.

So after reassuring myself that I was fine (after 4 years symptom free and just a lying ex to show for it) I realized what had made it even worse, was the fact that he had supposedly known about this “rumor” since last summer and has just now thought to tell me. Wow thanks buddy. In the end though, I’m quiet confident that unfortunately it’s just his paranoia working overtime, and he made up the rumor in his head. It’s probably the reason he cancelled the visit with the kids, since he was too afraid to leave his house. Which is best for the kids, because they shouldn’t have to be around someone who is scared of everything and literally thinks the world is out to get them.

But I did chastise myself for letting his head games and paranoia get to me after all these years, even if only for moment. I allowed myself to get carried away with his game to the point of having to trace back when we were together, and then for complete disclosure to you guys, I even considered how in the world I would ever contact all my one night stands from in between then and whenever I last messed around maybe last Feb, since I have zero numbers in my phone. It pissed me off that I let myself get involved and play his game. I honestly should know better. And I think deep down I do know better. But I have to do my due diligence right? What if it was HIV? What if for ONCE in E’s life, he was telling the truth? Now my kids are potentially at risk. Everyone around me is at risk if I don’t take precautionary steps. So yeah, I fell for it. I looked up symptoms right now as I type, and how long they take to appear just to be certain.  I’m feeling much better now knowing I’m loooooong past the 2-4 week stage. But still frustrated at myself for letting him get in my head. Twice. Once during the phone call and again now as I confirmed. Aggggh.

So, that was that incident.

Move onto yesterday when I get an email from my lawyer starting with, word for word “We’re so close to completion”

YESSSSSSS!!!! Happy dance.

But then it goes on saying that I have to contact legal aid to update my file before he can continue. I’m using legal aid because at the beginning of this 4 year long drawn out divorce, I had just flown back from Kenya with 2 kids, and headed back to school so I had zilch to my name, and legal aid allowed me access to a lawyer at a reduced rate. Fast forward to now, where I own a house and a car and I’m pretty sure I make more than the limit for legal aid. So now I’m actually nervous to call legal aid because they want me to do a financial overview.

I don’t wanna.

‘Cause what if now I make more than allowed by legal aid, and so I can no longer access their services? Well turns out my fears were accurate. After an hour and forty-five mintues on hold today I finally got through to find out that according to them, I now make enough money that I should be able to afford a lawyer at a “normal rate.” You know because I wasn’t having enough annoyances with money lately without this junk thrown on top of the heap.

All this did was make me more mad at E. At this point I feel like he should have to pay my legal fees if they are going to increase a whole bunch (which they are). Now hear my logic on this one. I’ve had a lawyer at a reduced rate until now (January 2018 basically). And according to him, ‘we’re so close to completion.” So had E not delayed the divorce/signing the agreements for FOUR years, it would’ve been done a long time ago, way before this month. So now, if I have to go and find a new lawyer and start again (well not the whole process over, but he’ll be new to me and I’ll have to explain everything again which takes time, and to lawyers time is money) then that’s going to cost me big bucks, which quite frankly, I think should come out of E’s pocket. Agh, just to see my lawyer say that we’re almost done, but then have this happen because I’m doing better for myself is a shot while I’m down. I’m trying to move up in the world. It’s like, were all those student loans and mortgage payments and dateless weekends and sleepless night worth any of this shit lately?

I’m still here.

I’m still married to this dick.

Yet I’m still a single mom struggling.


-Taylor Swift/I Did Something Bad-

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Now You’re Out Here Looking Like Regret Ain’t Too Proud To Beg, Second Chance You’ll Never Get

So, I got an update from my lawyer. After constantly harassing him about updates in regards to the divorce (obviously, why else would I bother my lawyer) he finally told me last week that the only thing that E was yet to agree on was the Section 7 expenses. Basically the past money he owes me for the kids.  Details here – (B*tch Better Have My Money, Pay Me What You Owe Me

So I planned in my head to use this as a bargaining chip in my conversation with E. In my mind, I honestly thought I would have to convince him to ‘let’ me move with the kids. Just based on his previous reactions to, well to anything in life and how difficult he is with everything I guess I prematurely assumed this would also be a fight. So in my mind, I prepared a bargaining chip before I even called E to tell/ask him about the move. Old habits die hard.

My lawyer had advised me that if I had a verbal agreement between myself and E, then I could move the kids to Kelowna with no issues/court involvement, and that’s what I was aiming for. If E did have an issue with it however, it could move to me having to file some sort of court order to move, which would lead to more delays and just aggravation in general.

So I decided that if he was going to make it difficult, I was honest to whatever God going to offer him all his section 7 expenses in return for the move. The thing is, I know money is more valuable to E than time with the children, so I was quite confident that that play on my part would work if necessary. Turns out though, that E surprised even me!

When I called, I started off the conversation asking why he was still delaying in signing the Section 7 part. Because it was my understanding that we both just wanted to put this whole divorce behind us, I mean we’re in the fourth year for goodness sake. That’s when he shocked me by saying he had just emailed his lawyer that morning saying he agreed to everything, and to wrap it up.

I was shook (I never use that word, but I was beyond shocked and it seems fitting) First, there goes my ace card, not that it looked like I would need it, but secondly and more importantly, the end to this ridiculous farce of a marriage seemed in sight! But because E is E, and I can no longer believe a single word that passed through his lips, I asked him to forward me the email that he sent to his lawyer… just to make sure. I stalled on the phone while I waited for the email to come through, and then sure enough there it was. Plain as day. E agreeing to pay out all the thousands of dollars he owes me. In writing.

So that was good.

But now how do I explain Kelowna with no leverage?

So I just started in. I lead with the fact that my work was considering relocating (not a lie) and so I might have to move with the kids to BC, and how did he feel about it? I also explained that I would consider paying half of either his flights or bussing for when/if he came to visit the kids so he understood that I wasn’t trying to move to ‘take them from him’. But he was uncharacteristically very understanding. He said if it’s for work than it’s ok.

I didn’t believe him. Probably because I’ve learned my lesson with E, and I know I can’t take ANYTHING he says at face value. So I asked him repeatedly if he had any questions or concerns. He said no. So I tried again, wanting to know if he had ANY issues with me moving our children further away from him? He said no.

So I figured I should just take that answer and run with it, before anything changed… because with E there is always change.

I got off the phone and emailed my lawyer and let him know that I had a verbal agreement from E in regards to the move. I also forwarded E’s email to his lawyer, to my lawyer (make sense?), so my lawyer could move forward with finalizing everything. I feel like I say that a lot, but while dealing with E, there’s a lot of back and forth, so at least now I had a “e-paper trail” so to speak.  I also confirmed with my boss that E would not be an issue with the move and we could continue with our plans.

So things were a go….

Until not more than 6 hours later I get this.

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E’s message

I KNEW in that time (well I didn’t know but I STRONGLY felt) that E had probably contacted his lawyer and now was fishing for more information.  Now don’t get it twisted, I’ve told E where I work, multiple times, since his memory is terrible. But I didn’t want to tell him in this moment in case it wrecked things for me. So I tried calling him, and he ignored me calls, even though I could see he was online via WhatsApp (SO FRUSTRATING).

Once I finally got a hold of him, and asked him why he wanted to know, his first response? “It has nothing to do with the case” So I knew immediately that it had everything to do with the “case” and therefore my suspicions were confirmed. I asked him what it mattered to him, and reminded him that I’d told him before, so it’s nothing I’m hiding. So on the phone I asked AGAIN, if he was ok with me, and therefore the kids moving. He once again said yes.

So I again said ok, and said my good byes, also that I would try to call with the kids on the weekend.

Now I’ve gotten my updated letter of settlement and my lawyer put a small “clause’ in there if you will about how despite everything previously agreed upon, E agrees to ‘let’ me move to Kelowna with the kids and I’ll give him access to the kids while there.

I’m hoping this settles things.

But if I’ve learned anything with E… expect the unexpected and never trust anything he says.


-Demi Lovato/Sorry Not Sorry-