I know I used to write along the following subject a few years ago on and off. I even started a different blog (The Birth of Love ) to try and somewhat keep my life separate. But tbh I don’t even know if that blog is still active/available. Part of me hopes my posts are still there, in case I ever want to re-read them to see how far I’ve come, while the other part of me is to scared to read them over, and have to work through those feelings, fears, and burdens.
Honestly, this ‘storyline’ never left my life, or my thoughts. I’ve just not wanted to share it with anyone anymore. It was all I was. It’s all I thought about when going to sleep at night when the house was quiet. And quite frankly it still is. But as I started to sound crazy to my own self, I stopped sharing thinking it would either go away, or at the very least it would protect me from people thinking I was insane.
It’s not going away, and the intensity and the realism it’s continuing to grow in, has made it both real, and something I can’t separate from my life.
It’s not something that can be easily explained in one post. Trust me, I’ve tried multiple times in the other blog. But I feel like I should keep trying.
I don’t exactly know how to even start, but I guess here and now is just as good as anywhere, anytime.
I know there are a few mainstream ideas of how we got to the place we are as humans out there. Creation and Evolution. Not to be offensive, but most schools of thought can be broken down at their core to loosely fit into those two categories.
But. But what if they are somewhat combined? Like… what if we are all, at our deepest level of who we are, connected, and as our intentions and desires grow and change we create the world we know now. Maybe this happens over millions of years, maybe some changes happen more quickly, but at the essence, we are connected?
The initial connection we as individuals had (and maybe still have) is possibly what we would now call God (Budda, Allah etc.) Representing all we were. All knowing and all seeing. But as we evolved, we fractured from other perspectives, to create different growth patterns, different ideas l, different goals.
So… that’s my idea at its most basic level. Now I know that how you see my idea, seems to kinda explain simply the root of life. We all are fractured and have different ideas and perspectives right? But I’m going deeper than that.
I’m saying what if, we were all together what formed God. And we all at some point had to break off of God at different times/points of creation, in order to see the value of what we have. Like if babies are nursed and cared for all their lives and never grow up, they don’t realize they can make their own decisions and create their own life.
That, along with the fact (I use this term SUPER loosely) that we as some point we previously involved with everyone we interact with. This line of thinking makes it easier to connect, or reconnect with others. Not in the ‘of let’s have coffee’ kind of way. But in the idea that we, at the very root of who we are, have a commonality of some sort. I don’t think everyone has the same meeting point, as the search to grow from the start was independent from others. And maybe, to confuse this more, we decided to go in somewhat a rotational route. Where a varied set of individual leave ‘God’ to evolve into what we see best, while the remaining souls/people/thought processes remain intact as ‘God’ to support those individuals as they journey through their creation.
Once the time of freedom through creation is reached, or achieved etc, we return to our starting point of ‘God.’ We join the all knowing being, with our new thoughts and beliefs to add to the present. The stronger you delve into what you can become while alive, the tighter your control can be in the joint position.
Like if you grow to be a human who strongly believes in love and acceptance, than when your moment is done, you add those values to the One, in a more intense fashion. And on the other hand if you choose along your life to believe in something opposing, like satanic worship or something totally opposite, your beliefs also return to the ‘start’ with you. It allows the controlling ‘God’ to be stretched and grow bigger and along the way more powerful.
With all the varying designs we hold and choose to live within, different aspects of ‘God’ grow as well. Yes, an all knowing being that was, and is, and is to come, is the same. And at the root of ourselves we are who we are, and where we came from, and where we’re going is the same. Our path however is different.
It’s this difference that makes us individuals and intriguing to God to bring us back.
I think we see God as someone who sits on a gold throne etc, but maybe that’s how a majority of beings who have been on their journey were both shown and chose to believe. Maybe God is EVERYTHING. God is us, God is what we were before, and God is what we will be after.
Maybe for some of us, our journey is to reveal this to others. To peel back the layers that were there purposely to allow us to be free of God for a moment. The veil. So we could see something other than the most intensely complex thought of us being creation. Us being the first thought. Us being the last moment.
That’s a hard and beautiful burden to have. So the separation from that, causes us to stretch out beyond what was previously known, but also crave it again.
I’m well aware that this is SUPER outside the box, and terribly explained on my part. But the more I think it, and live it, the more it becomes the way with the most obvious connections, which to me, makes it a trustworthy idea.
This more I let it lead my thinking, the deeper and more unbelievable my experiences are. It’s left me uncontrollably crying, after my thoughts have traveled to the edge of Us. I want more and I’m incredibly sad to be pushed back into the world after experiencing the utmost beauty of what we are. But I’m always reminded, it wouldn’t be nearly as beautiful, if I haven’t experienced the deplorable effects of here.
If your still reading, for one, good for you because this is crazy lol, but on another note, I’ve come to experience that I can get to that state of mind almost anytime I try. The state of returning to my depths and feeling that glow everywhere. Yes, it hurts each time I go, but only when I have to come back to ‘my senses’. No I don’t use drugs or what have you to leave where I’m at, although it doesn’t hurt. I’m just me. At my most basic instinctual level. Surrendering this world and thoughts that have crowded me in an attempt to make me choose a different path. Their path.
I’m just me. And I’m loved by everything and everyone. Because in that state, we know we are connected. It’s both the most awe-striking, yet terrifying experience. And I’m aware I haven’t voiced what I want to in an understandable way, but I’ve realized if another person or moment wants to reach that, they will have to take their own path. And if you travel the path to where I’m at, your more than welcome, and will understand in your own way.
Also, I’m not even going to attempt to review and edit this (I don’t with any of my posts lol) so excuse the awful quality. I just wanted to try and get it out.
Heaven – Kane Brown