I Am Chosen Not Forsaken I Am Who You Say I Am You Are For Me Not Against Me

Zero.

Zero chance of this thing getting a solution this time around.

My neurologist came in this morning with all his groupies to do rounds and had a lot to say. Starting with the fact I do not have a usual case. My electrical activity is coming 24/7 from the right side, like even right here as we’re talking. As well, when I get drowsy and sleep, the left side has seizures. So I’m not a candidate for a simple surgery because we don’t know where the activity that causes the seizures originated. Does it come from the continuous right side and then pass through to the left and build up? Or is the left it’s own thing?

So he said he wants to try this new procedure that’s only been in BC for less than a year, but he needs to get the managers approval, because it requires a nurse to sit with me for 6-7 hours monitoring me and the MOMENT I seize, inject me with the radioactive dye, similar to the pet scan I went for before, but this one happens at the moment of a seizure. So they can see which area is more active and absorbs the dye. The neurologist let me know he already had a meeting with the manager in the afternoon on a different matter so he would let me know.

News flash, he came back and the answer was no. So instead, for now he will try one more medication while I’m hooked up to the EEG and see how I respond. If not I’ll have to come back at a little date.

I’m getting supper frustrated about the situation.

Why can’t I just have a nice easy normally solved situation in any way. Like one where medications worked. Or surgery was fine. Or the pacemaker for the brain would be ok (which won’t because my seizures are coming from various places). All I wanted from this trip was answers. Not a date for another trip that might cross out another suggestion of a very new and experimental path.

Today I cried. Because what I really want is the ability to be a better mom. One that can take my kids to basketball practice and gymnastics. One who’s kids can go to their friends house whenever and I can pick them up because I can drive. And I’ve been patiently waiting for this trip to give me results and answers, and so far the only answer it looks like it’s provided are that, that may never happen. My kids may grow up without me.

And there’s literally nothing I can physically do but pray. And I’m asking you to as well. Because I’m really done being on the extreme never before seen side of things and I’m going to sit on the God side.

Who You Say I Am /Hillsong Worship

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