If I Showed You My Flaws If I Couldn’t Be Strong If I Got Locked Away

Seizure Investigation Unit. S.I.U. Not quite C.S.I., which was a show I used to watch all the time on Thursday nights with my dad in my early teens. That, and then Survivor, which has a new season coming in March and I totally didn’t expect Erica to win last time around but I’m WAY off topic now.

I’m in the S.I.U.

I had a very early 3:30 start this morning to catch my 6:00AM flight here. I had an awful sleep, which is pretty standard for me before travel, since I’m always going through things in my mind. Did I pack everything correctly? Are my liquids in small enough containers inside the see through resealable bag? Do I have my boarding pass? Is my phone charged? Did I pack my phone charger? The list constantly running through my head. If I’m an anal person, which I slightly am, it’s at an all time high when it comes to airplane travel. So although I tried to get into bed at 9ish last night, I first had to watch the halftime show…twice (obviously). Then I was able to try and settle in for the night before having a sleep that felt like a half sleep if that’s even a description. Like the opposite of a deep sleep. I didn’t have my ear plugs because they were already packed and I thought I’d be fine without them. Then the constant waking up to check time and go pee… I got maybe a total of 3 hours all said and done.

Then I tried my very best to get out the door as silent as possible but on the way out I hear a quiet ‘mom’? And see Z standing in the hall. I had said goodbyes to the kids the night before and had explained that my mom would be driving me to the airport and would be back before it would be time to get up for school but there she was, wanting one last hug and kiss before I left. So I tucked her back into bed and off we went.

I got to the airport and we could see the security line up through the window from the drop off area. I had already checked in on the phone and only took carry on so that helped but it took almost an hour to get through security which is probably from what I remember the longest experience ever, and I’ve traveled through some major airports during huge holiday travel times. But Kelowna is numb like that. They book like 6 flights to leave at 6AM and so everyone gets there at the same time and they had one security lane open plus the NEXUS line. It was ridiculous for lack of a better response.

But I made it through and managed to use the washroom before my plane boarded so no harm no foul. The flight had amazing flight service consisting of water. Yep. Just water. So when I landed here in Vancouver I finally had a chance to grab a coffee and some breakfast which I’m glad I did because the hospital food so far…. I’ll get into that later 😒. Anyway coffee and then a taxi and off to the hospital.

The admission process has been less than glamorous. I have a private room in the fifth floor of the hospital, which is nice. The view is of an obstructed downtown, since it has like what seems to look like a mini factory part of the hospital in front of it. But beggars can’t be choosers.

I have my admission hospital bracelet on. Then an IV which took a few tries. Then, my head. Oh if you could see me now. Let’s just say I won’t be taking any profile pics this stay. The dude who came to put on my EEG leads had to braid my hair which I had the foresight to wash yesterday. He measured my head and sectioned it off and then did 6 awful braids that stick every which way. Then, there are 28 wires GLUED to my skull. Not the paste that’s normally used in a EEG, but glue so they can stay for the duration of my stay. Then, another couple wires off my chest and shoulders to control ECG readings. Those leads are all bound together and attached to a box that gathers the information and put in a very fashionable Fanny pack for me to have close by. It has one larger cord that is plugged into the wall behind there hospital bed. I literally feel like a robot.

There are two call buttons to use. One attached in my fanny pack to the leads on my head if I feel a seizure so they can assist. And another on the bed I have to call to use the bathroom. So, I’ve had to use the washroom since I’ve been here and had the lovely experience of finding out that I have to leave the door open while I drag my fanny pack to the toilet and have a nurse stay in the room. Not the actual bathroom but the hospital room with the bathroom attached. Also, attached to the MOST uncomfortable bed, they have a pee pad on top and those… I don’t even know what they’re called. They look like footballer pads for the sides of the bed which must be kept up for my protection. So they keep all sides of the bed up and put pads on them to soften them so I don’t get hurt if I seize. 🤕

Then. I had to sign I form to acknowledge that I know I’m being watched/filmed/monitored. There are cameras and microphones wired into the ceiling.

To top it all off, the food is junk. I’ve been served lunch and dinner since arriving, which is fantastic. The point that my food is served to me and cleaned up for me? Great. But I had these sausages for dinner and I took a bite of it and my literal first thought was this tastes like a swimming pool. I don’t know how my mind connected those two things but that’s how nasty it was. Chlorine and spongey. Wild. Plus the veggies were just soggy and wet and the mash potatoes were, well gross. It was the most wet meal I’ve ever eaten. Or not eaten.

This connection is not to offend anyone whose actually served time, but considering my life, and the life I lead, this will most likely be the closest thing to prison I ever get. And after 7 hours it sucks.

And I have a phone. 

Locked Away/R.City

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