Have Yourself A Very Merry Christmas Let Your Heart Be Light

I had the most beautiful Christmas.

Yes it was full of stress and sickness, but I think that’s a holiday for single moms everywhere. Do I realize we’re almost halfway into January by now? Obviously 🙄 but I really just took this time to be a lazy butt and nap probably every day and while lounging about in my pjs. I thought often about writing but just didn’t think it was the time. So I’d like to start at the beginning, like any good story however I don’t really know where the start of ‘Christmas’ really is… so let’s just dive in.

I received an email sometime in the fall as a follow up to last year when I went to the Salvation Army Christmas drive and got gifts for each of the kids through the school. The email asked if I would like to sign up again, which I did. They also did a follow up phone call later saying a church in the neighborhood was making a dinner would we like a meal delivered? Sure why not? I mean if their offering that would be great. Somewhere along the way I got to talking with the sign up lady about how I couldn’t drive, and she had a sister who had epilepsy and she understood the difficulty of it. Anyway near the end of November she called and asked if I would like it if our family was sponsored for Christmas? I asked what that meant, and she explained that they have a few people that sign up to sponsor people/families for Christmas and they shop for them and would I like that for us? Ummm yea! Like I’m not going to turn that down for the kids and myself! So she ran down a check list of things the sponsor could get asking what we like/prefer and what the kids wanted for Christmas and then she arranged to drop it off for us in December, since the sponsor wanted to remain anonymous.

When I say I cried when she dropped that stuff off I’m not even joking. The boxes kept coming. They bought a whole turkey with all the fixings for me to make for the kids as well as a ton of food. So much so that I had to rearrange the cupboards to fit it all in. Then, the gifts were all wrapped and named to the kids from ‘Santa’ and for myself as well. It was so amazing. On top of that were the things I was blessed to get from the Salvation Army toy drive the week before for the kids that started this whole thing. Plus presents from my family back in Edmonton were under the tree for the kids. AND, for the first time ever, E had bought gifts for the kids and had them sent to our house and they were there on time for the correct holiday. Did I have to send him the exact link of what to buy? Yes. But baby steps.

Now I know presents aren’t the only thing about the holidays. On Christmas Eve, I invited some single moms and their kids from around the neighborhood over and we had a fun night of karaoke and games… maybe a few drinks. We wrapped up by 9:30 so I could get Z and Little E into bed. Now I have ALWAYS been the most excited person on Christmas. I was up all night even still. Like I’m obviously aware there’s no Santa. I finished putting the gifts under the tree and everything. But I still couldn’t sleep. The kids had been in bed for hours and I’m like vibrating with energy. All I could think was imma regret this in the morning.

Well morning came about 5:00 and the kids were so happy. We wrapped up gifts about 9

And it looked like a tornado came through my place but it worth it. We we’re a happy house full of joy. While the kids played I managed to sneak away for a nap before my family came for an early dinner. My Aunt and Uncle cooked the turkey at their house and brought it, and my grandpa for dinner with all the side dishes. My kids had a chance to show off all their new goodies and I wore my earplugs 🥴

Then, they left by 7 because thank God it started snowing like crazy and they had to drive to the next city. By that time I had definitely reached my limit of people time. Boxing Day we all woke up sick and spent the next week with stuffy noses and enjoying all our wonderful blessings and the new rat/s that has found a home in our place.

Yes I’ve tried 3 kinds of traps. It just eats the bait out of all the traps and doesn’t get caught 🤬. Each day I have little new droppings, but no dead rodents. So I cleared all signs of all good it could eat. The fruit from the bowl, the gingerbread houses it had nibbled at… to find it eating my plants and digging holes in the dirt. I’m beyond mad now. Fine. I’ll wipe up poop and wash your piss away, but now your messing with my plants!!!! So I finally called the exterminator. He’ll be here Monday. And hopefully seal up all entry points cause this is probably the 4th time we’ve had a rat/mouse since we’ve moved in and I’m over it.

Anyway THAT was not Christmasy lol. The kids Christmas break was extended due to the Omicron variant and now, as far as it goes, they’ll be back at school this Monday. I can survive one more day with them. I hope. It’s just without a car, it’s a lot of home togetherness. And although we have many new things and toys, space is an issue. And we’ve gotten about 3-4 feet of snow in the last week alone in our area so yes they’re outside playing, it only lasts so long in the cold.

But. It’s been a beautiful Christmas. The kids are at the age where they still enjoy the experience and I can see their pure joy and excitement when they open a gift. Z still believe in Santa which is cute. But they are also old enough that they wanted to buy for each other and me. So I took them to the mall one day and let them do some of their own shopping.

It’s weird as a mom to see your kids grow up in some ways like purchasing things on their own but still need to be told to wear socks out in the snow under their boots.

Life. It’s weird.

I hope you all had an amazing holiday season. And if you didn’t, I know it may not seem like it now, but I have empathy for you. This is the best Christmas in I can honestly say over a dozen years. All since I left E have been difficult but getting better in a weird way. Trying to start my own traditions, struggling financially. Or before living in Kenya learning new things that just didn’t quite feel like the holidays back home. Or being a newly married couple and never receiving a gift from E and trying to act like it was fine in front of my family.

It may suck now, and you may not have the words or emotional strength to explain it. Or it may seem like things will never get better, because where you’re at maybe is the best you think you deserve. But it can get better. If there was something about the holidays that just wasn’t full of joy, it can be. And it should be. And it wasn’t your fault.

I’ve been there. Many times. To many times. And unfortunately I waited for so many dramatic things to smack me right straight in the face until I saw that I was worth way more than that so I started praying for better. And it started happening for me. So I’ll keep praying. For myself and others. And maybe next Christmas will be even better.

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