You’re Shaking This Is An Awakening You’re Shaking I Know It’s A Lot To Take In

Life. Seriously. Could it get any crazier for me?

I’ve been referred for surgery for my seizures by my neurologist. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this or not since it officially happened a year ago, but over the last month I’ve had like 3 more seizures at night so my Dr. has amped up the requests for me to get in. I had a sleep deprived EEG last week and apparently he didn’t like what he saw so he asked for me to get into see the surgeon sooner.

I, after hearing the news from him, did a little research on my own. Basically I wanted to see what exactly this surgery would require and get some more details on it.

Holy shit Batman. Now when my neurologist first asked me if I would consider surgery I casually said yes, back a year ago. Stupidly thinking it’d be a quick in and out thing. Done in a day, rest for like a week, easy peasy type thing. But now after reading up on the clinics site on what would have to happen both before and after…. FUUUUUUCCCCKKKK ME.

First off because he wants me in ASAP, he’s moved my referral from Calgary to the new Vancouver clinic, since their wait list is shorter. But there would be weeks of testing beforehand. WEEKS. To monitor my brain and map out where and how the seizures are happening etc. They want to make sure where they are CUTTING OUT won’t effect my memory or speech. Ya know, leave me a potato.

Then the surgery is 3-5 hours long and I can expect to spend a week in hospital for recovery and then a few months at home bed rest before resuming regular life activities. On top of that, I have to be one year seizure free before I can drive.

Full stop.

Like this is a big deal. I meal I knew it was a big deal but when you see it all in front of you like that, it makes it more real. If it was just me having to go through this, I think it would be easier to digest and decide. But I have the kids. And only I have the kids. I don’t have a partner to help me get through this. I don’t have someone to take the kids to school while I’m on bed rest for a few months. Or what if I lose parts of my memory and they lose the only functioning parent they have left. I can’t do that to them.

Yeah I want to get better. But not more than anything. Not more than being a good mom. Not more than my sanity.

Maybe I just continue to deal with the pain/suffering that my seizures brings for now? I don’t know. It’s a lot to think about.

-Shaking/Hazel English-

3 thoughts on “You’re Shaking This Is An Awakening You’re Shaking I Know It’s A Lot To Take In

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