So. I’m having a terrible horrible no good very bad day 🙃.
I woke up on the WRONG side of the bed this morning and for some reason everything my kids did was just extra annoying and I could not keep my shit together and be kind or patient with them in anyway shape or form. Call it pms call it bitchiness call it mood swings, I don’t know but before we had even left for school I had LOST it on them. I ended up kicking two things around the house (a pair of snow pants and a soccer ball) out of frustration. I USED to not me a violent person, but lately I’ve been feeling like I have zero outlet for my anger, and for some reason I’ve tried to cut down on my swearing, which used to be the way I let things out but felt like it was getting out of control and over the top so I’ve been trying to reel it in. Anyway with the not being able to swear, my anger is seeping out in my feet apparently and I’m kicking things. It’s just that I have no one to talk to about my frustrations. And I have to get them out in the moment, but it is not at all healthy. And I have not been writing as much, which used to help and I’m going to try more, but honestly my writing feels mostly just like a confessional. But anyway that’s how my morning started. Me yelling at my kids, being rude and overly mean to them for small reasons and then driving them to school.
After that I went to work where my already high emotions went through the roof. I was doing entries and found the year end bonus postings from the bonuses the three of us had received a couple weeks ago. Now I obviously understand that I’m not entitled to a bonus. It’s just that, a bonus. Something extra on top of what I earn. But what I did see made me cry. The bonuses that were given out, to three people, totalled $85,000. I got $4,000. You do the math.
I felt so used and under appreciated and devalued. Like what a joke. I wanted to cry and quit and scream and call my boss and punch him in the nuts all at the same time.
But instead I took a few deep breaths and realized that I just have to be more careful about letting people use me. I texted my boss and said I need some time off since it’s been a year since I took a vacation, and that was that.
I went out for lunch with a friend and discussed putting my house up for sale and getting the wheels going on that etc and let out a bit of steam with her and got my kids from school, thinking things would be better.
Nope, I got home and made the wonderful discovery that I have a rat in my house. The ONE damn animal I can admit I am scared of and officially hate. My fruit bowl out on my kitchen counter have huge chunks eaten out of a few apples. I’ll admit I did notice the same thing yesterday and tbh just thought one of my kids or their friends who had slept over did it and so I threw the apple out. But now again a second day in a row? I asked each of my kids if it was them and they said no. I was soooooo wishing it was them, but they said no. Then I had left a block of butter out on the counter to soften to make banana bread and it had a hole corner bigger than a marble bitten off/dug out and that’s when I realized it wasn’t the kids and we have and issue.
So I’ve spent the night cleaning. Vacuuming and mopping with bleach. Pulling out the stove and moving all the fruit to the fridge. Now I vacuum at least twice a week and mop each weekend anyways but this whole situation…. I’m not letting this become a thing. I called 3 pest control company’s. The first one couldn’t come until Wednesday which is not at all soon enough for me. The second I left a message, they still haven’t called back. And the third was a dude named Steve who was the one who determined it was a rat by the amount it was eating (barf). He’ll be coming by tomorrow to take a look around and hopefully deal with the situation.
I honestly don’t care how much this costs because this least favourite thing I could think of. I HATE these things. I have been going through all the possible scenarios of how the darn thing could’ve gotten into the house and I honestly can’t think of anything. We have solid metal doors. Fully sealed windows. Like I’m stressing out over here people. I will pay anything to make this go away because I can’t sleep with the knowledge of this stupid thing roaming around as it wants. Plus the fact they are social creatures and where there is one, there are most likely more. I’m not at peace.
Then because why not, it was my moms birthday and I had to call and be civil to her and wish her a happy birthday even though that was the last thing I wanted to do considering how our relationship has been this last little while.
So there you have it folks. Just another day in the life of C.
-Judith Viorst/Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day-