My Mama Loves, She Loves Me She Gets Down On Her Knees And Hugs Me She Loves Me Like A Rock She Rocks Me Like The Rock Of Ages

Totally not the topic of my post but I’m at Starbucks writing this morning, since I’m meeting with a friend. Normally when I come and write here, I order my drink in a porcelain cup, you know to save the environment and not use a plastic cup and lid. So I order as per usual, and the barista says they aren’t serving in to-stay cups because of the corona virus. Like what? How will me not a WASHABLE MUG, that should be sanitized thoroughly with hot water and soap be helpful? Sure you don’t want to touch my germs (that I don’t have, since I’m not carrying the virus), but I would place the mug in a wash bucket/bin for you and you use gloves to put it in the dishwasher…. I truly fail to see the benefit of not serving drinks in them during this time other than adding to our pollution.

However, lol. That’s not the point of my blog today. Just a thought I have while writing. Another thought, was I figured out how to edit/make new paragraphs on Little E’s IPad, so I’m moving up in the world. Lol. What’s actually on my mind today, is the facts that we as a family went to the dentist a little while ago. While we were there the hygienist, who is of Asian decent (not normally a factor but plays into the story in a minor way, as a minority in our town plus with her accent) made a comment to me. She’s a very kind woman, maybe late twenties, early thirties with no kids of her own. We’ve been to the dentist a couple times now since moving so we’ve been chatting a bit, I mean as much as you can while your mouth is stuck open while your teeth are being cleaned. So this time, as I was on my way out she said, word for word as it made such and impact on me: “So you adopted your two kids” With such a sweet smile and an air of, oh what a kind thing I’d done to adopt two siblings of colour who must have been from a foreign country and probably are so much better off with me. I must be such a good lady, to have saved them from whatever war zone or something like that. Like I’d rescued them. That sort of tone/look on her face. So I figured if she was going to push the boundaries and make such a statement that was so inconsiderate, and thoughtless, then well… 🤯 I responded with: “No, they’re mine, I grew them in my belly and pushed them out my own vagina. Thanks for asking.” She was so red, rightfully so. And rushed to say it was because they don’t look like me. Ok. Ok, ok okaaaay. I know my kids aren’t like spitting images of me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be considered or thought of as much their mom as other parents who are moms and dads of kids who aren’t mixed race, or look more similar to their children. Or that obtuse people can judge my kids heritage and make them feel like they don’t belong. In fact, I may be more involved in my kids lives than many other parents who look more like their kids than I do. Looking the same as someone doesn’t automatically make you more a parental figure than me. Parenting takes time and effort. It takes imparting wisdom and listening to their deepest fears and helping the kids work through them. It takes years of hard work, trying to figure out how to pay for extra curricular activities on a single mom budget and nights crying alone in bed worrying about their future. It takes hours praying for them, hoping they will make good choices for their own lives, while knowing you can’t protect them from everything, but wishing you could. It takes prepping three meals a day, seven days a week and about a zillion snacks for years, which I’m sure continues even after they move out. It takes holding your tongue when they bring home friends you don’t agree with, then having conversations with them later about being an influential figure not the one influenced. It’s about wiping tears and giving hugs even if your hurting to. It’s about helping with homework even if they teach math stupidly now. It’s about 7:00 am Saturday morning hockey games and Sunday afternoon dance recitals. It’s about showing them love and connection. Its about teaching personal hygiene and sexual education and loving others as well as personal boundaries. It’s helping little humans self discover who they are and teaching them it’s ok to change, or not know. It’s explaining to them when to say sorry, and when to stand your ground. It’s helping them learn about emotions and safe ways to express them. It’s about creating a home environment where they feel safe to come home to when nowhere else in the world is listening to them. The list goes on, and for me, it’s about doing it all by myself. So, yes these are my biological kids, but I think being a parent can be for anyone who has consistently put in that effort, time and love into a child who needs it. So was I offended when the hygienist said that? Not so much offended as shocked. I just figured that in this day in age people wouldn’t be out making statements about others life’s so blatantly, without and background information or invite. Do I blame here for thinking that? Not necessarily, since she’s not far from the truth. My kids and I don’t look a ton alike. What I would do though, is caution her from making those comments so haphazardly in the future again. Other individuals may not take her tactless comments so lightly. I am basically the only parent my children have known, and I will teach them that looks now, and in the future will never matter. Because it is 100% on the inside what matters.

-Loves Me Like A Rock/Paul Simon-

7 thoughts on “My Mama Loves, She Loves Me She Gets Down On Her Knees And Hugs Me She Loves Me Like A Rock She Rocks Me Like The Rock Of Ages

  1. Ok, two things: firstly, I find so many things done in food service industry are asinine and really only providing the illusion of sanitation- like wearing gloves at all times and not changing them or hand washing properly…. I saw that posted up at my local Starbucks regarding the cup thing and thought- ugh- so dumb- feeding the hysteria.
    Secondly, man….. people have balls! Or blissful ignorance or both. My daughter and I don’t look alike but as I am home with her and homeschooling her I get some bizarre unsolicited commentary on what she is, where her dad is, and why we homeschool etc etc etc…. depending on who is asking I serve up a shut the fuck up-cake in the sweetest way possible. Someone with sharp tools near my mouth…. I may restrain myself. What I found is that much like my pregnancy. People somehow feel open to voice their opinion when u have kids in tow. Come to think of it…. I think just having tits and a vagina people feel entitled to voice their opinion …… yuck- so frustrating!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I just feel like as a society people have become so desensitized and we’ll as have developed a sense of entitlement as to what they deserve as far as information. You don’t deserve to know that. That is obviously none of your business as I didn’t ask whose vagina you came out of!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well… I even experience people saying things that could be considered rude… people be people… gonna happen – either they don’t stop and think before they speak or they just don’t know?

    I have a friend who has a disabled child… people say the rudest things – not sure if they realize it or not…

    But I always think of that… I used those moments to educate someone. I’m am open with my own things and if they are going to say or ask something – I will explain or share. Let them see a different perspective or know something they didn’t before.

    I try not to take it personally cause whatever – again people will be people… I would rather know what they thinking so I may respond and enlighten … then have it behind my back. I like to be hit head on lol kidding – but I do like upfront

    It was a rude comment … even if you had adopted them that’s rude. A mother is a mother period. She should have respected you in that manner alone.

    My brother and sister in law only have one child… she can not have anymore … she desperately wanted more … it breaks her heart to not be able to have another child…

    Yet that doesn’t stop people from asking when the next one is… breaks her heart every time. She laughs it off and always says “oh ones enough for us, we don’t want anymore”

    She doesn’t want to go into an explanation that will make her cry.

    People are not sensitive to what others might be going through – happens a lot.

    Sorry you and your children experienced that.

    I don’t think they mean it in a mean way? Is unthoughtful and insensitive, but I don’t think when they say those things they are thinking to be mean or cold hearted?

    I don’t think is something you can escape – just something to either teach or understand will happen.

    It is upsetting and also difficult sometimes. Enjoy your children, and be proud! Never let others define you for yourself… never let others judgements or statements bother you…

    Those who matter won’t care about those things and WILL be thoughtful and loving and caring… those who don’t matter – just don’t matter ✌️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly. There are many situations different families could be going through regarding children/adoption/surrogates/IVF/blended families. It is a topic that needs to be approached with much more sensitivity and care… if appropriate to approach at all!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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