Heads up, on Little E’s iPad again so prep for an awful lay out since I’m not tech savvy enough to attempt to figure out how to fix this. Each time I click return to start a new paragraph it starts a new post instead 🤔. Okay, so last night…. last night last night last night. Woooooooweee. To start, yesterday I was doing a little reading here on WordPress and I found a blog that mentioned the word Kundalini. I had no idea what it meant. So I dived down the deep dark web (mainly a Wikipedia post, so not that thrilling) to learn what I could about it. I’d recommend you do your own research if you’re interested in the topic, but basically it’s a form of divine energy associated with the divine feminine. I read a few articles on it, and was like yep, I’m going to have my Kundalini experience. Well, welllll well wellllll. I went to bed last night early and laid in bed and I’m gonna be completely honest with you all, I was so sexually aroused. The whole day since reading the articles and discovering this idea, I was horny. There is no way to sugar coat it. I was thinking sexual thoughts, I wanted to go masturbate in the bathroom at work (I didn’t) I was drawn to the idea of watching porn (I never do). Like I was a regular horn dog. Throughout the day it subsided until I got home and did my motherly duties and fed the kids dinner and got them into bed, but then my mind was over whelmed with thoughts of giving my body sexual pleasure again. So I locked up the house of the night and went to my room, locked the door and got into bed. By 7:30 at night 🤔. Like I was so ready for this. I wasn’t even thinking Kundalini anymore, I was just ready to grab my toys and have the best time with myself that I had ever had. And so I began. Show and steady, head full of stories I head read through the day, most about forced orgasms and such tbh, I can’t remember whose blog I had ended up on while hella horny earlier that day, but she had tons of great experience that leant a huge hand to my horniness. At some point I can’t remember exactly when, but my mind went from guiding my hands to something completely different. It was scary, and relieving all at the same time. The whole kundalini divine feminine energy stuff I mentioned? Well, I’m pretty sure I experience it. In the most indescribable way ever. I felt like my body was ripped in two from the vagina up but not in a painful way. Like energy was coursing through me. But then, it change into me being aware my lower half of my body was laying on the bed orgasaming, but the upper half of my was divided into three parts. One was connected to a friend and the reality of this world, one was screaming. Really physically screaming and crying. Like all the pain of my life was escaping in that moment and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was panicking and crying and my sounds were not my own. I couldn’t stop it, but I could hear a voice reassuring me that it was for the better. That this was a healing process. The third part was laughing hysterically. And uncontrollable laughter was escaping my lips at the same time as the scream and the crying and the pain and the tears. My mind was in a panic yet I could hear a presence comforting me, letting know that this was healing and that the energy that was coursing through me was needed, to return to its rightful place. After what seemed like minutes ( probably closer to 30-40 seconds) of panic and crying and screaming and pain being released my body was able to come together. The three facets that my mind had been parted into slowly curled into each other and created my brain and held me close and comforted me in aftercare of this experience. My body whimpered and shivered and yet felt so pure and free, while at the same time safe. So while this was the most fearful journey to go on, it was also in the aftermath, very wholesome and enjoyable, at least once complete. The guiding voice reassured me that energies would be placed where needed and that the journey was not over yet, although something like that, that pain, and that release, would not happen in such majesty again. I had such a wonderful sleep last night, void of dreams which is unusual for me. Normally, at least within the past few years since my experiences have began, I’ve been dreaming a few lucid dreams each night. But last night was straight sleep all the way through and I woke this morning feeling refreshed. I even noticed I slept in a new position that I’d never done before, which although not profound, worth mentioning. So, all in all, another interesting night on my journey to healing.
-High Tide Or Low Tide/Bob Marley-