I had a very memorable dream last night.
I was invited on a trip by a person, who was in one body, but in my dream I knew that physical body represented many figures in my life. The ones who stood out the most being K, then my mother, then my older sister R and E and a few friends, in that order.
They made a big deal about this journey we were about to embark on. Helping me pack my suitcase with beautiful items for this adventure. Making sure everything was prepared just so. Building up my anticipation, but no matter how many times I asked what the destination was I was ignored as they smiled knowingly.
I felt safe, and excited.
Then in an instant we were at the location where I assumed we were going to board the airplane. We bypassed the ‘commoners’ sitting in the waiting room since I was in the very best company and had been reassured that I deserved only the best. So I followed this person up an endless flight of stairs that became more opulent with each step. Every 5-10 steps there would be another person who would check my ticket or add a tag to my carry on bag, adding to the excitement. Each person ignoring my question of where am I going. Hostess offering complimentary drinks and men in suits willing to carry my bags as we climbed higher into the sky above the others seated in the waiting room below.
At this point I didn’t even know what the point of a plane would be I felt we were so high anyways, but finely the leading figure reached a door and opened it for me and I was more excited than I’ve felt in a long time. I followed the man I’ve trusted more than I should into what I assumed was a first class cabin to find my seat in this adventure.
But when we stepped inside, the lighting changed and the seats were like what you would find in a doctors office. Cold. Hard. Armless. I was led to my seat and told to wait here.
All of a sudden my bag was gone. My excitement was missing. My anticipation for comfort was slashed. It was just me. In a cold dark room filled with sick individuals.
Then I woke up.
And I realized that all the hype was for nothing.
I had been lead by false lies and hope to a barren room. And I had no one to blame but myself. I had trusted blindly. I didn’t demand answers. I let someone who had no investment in my future lead my way with zero consequence. Just slim hope that they would take me from the life I had created and make it better…. in whatever way they choose.
But the reality is we are all responsible for ourselves and our own actions. We must lead our own way. From the conscious action, to the unconscious thought.
Because they are connected and intertwined within our mind. So let’s be respectful of both sides of ourself and what we are looking for. Both within and without.
-Gym Class Hero’s/The Fighter-