This Girl Is Half His Age Don’t Stand So Close To Me

I made a mistake.

As a mom. I didn’t realize how my comment would affect Little E until the other day I went to give him a hug and kiss, which is pretty standard in our house and he turned his head so I could only kiss his cheek as opposed to his lips. So I asked if he was to mature to give his mom a little kiss? Let’s be reasonable here just for discussions sake. It’s not like we kiss with tongue or anything longer then a quick kiss to show affection and love. It’s nothing sexual and totally fine. But when I asked that he replied that no, it wasn’t because he was to cool, it was that a few days ago I made the comment that he should not kiss Z (his little sister for my new readers) on the lips. Now. For perspective, my kids just turned 6&9 this summer. And once in a while when they go to bed or say goodbye, they’ll give each other a big hug and a kiss. And apparently my uncomfortableness felt the need to push its way to the surface finally and I asked them to build walls between themselves to make myself feel better.

When he said that, I felt like shit.

I didn’t mean to cause him to think showing affection towards anyone is a negative thing, or something that needed to be reviewed in his life. In fact I have no logical reason for making that offhand comment to him other than for the same reason I no longer allow them to bathe together or don’t let them have sleepovers in each other’s rooms. I have fear.

I don’t want anything happening to Z. Now please, please don’t get me wrong. I don’t think Little E would ever do anything intentionally her or vice versa but as a mother I have to understand kids are innocent, but they also like to explore. So since I have the knowledge of that, I have to use my personal position as an adult in authority to prevent any harm to either of them in anyway that I can. That includes any potential sexual exploration among each other.

I know. This is a very taboo topic. And one that each family decides for themselves.

I for myself was never sexually assaulted as a child by a family member, but when you hear stories, you want to make sure you are considerate of others pain, and think of ways to keep your own kids safe.

Obviously, I’m being on the extreme side when I bring up the term sexual assault. But it starts somewhere. And so I have to teach both of my kids safe boundaries in regards to how they treat their bodies as well as how they approach others. I wanted to make sure Z felt ok with how she was being ‘loved’ and also that just because someone else wanted a kiss, didn’t mean she had too. I said the same thing to Little E. Like if we go to even a family get together or something and you don’t want to hug or kiss someone, you don’t have to. And from there, no he felt uncomfortable giving me a kiss to.

So I guess that’s my own fault, but I also think it’s ok in a way. It’s making him think through intimacy and boundaries. I don’t want him to think it’s never ok to kiss others, but I want there to definitely open up a conversation about it.

We’ll see where this goes from here. And I apologize this post is all over the place. I’ve written it in bits and pieces over the day and don’t feel like even reading it over for consistency’s sake. But thanks for reading anyways.

Has anyone had this issue or conversation with your own kids? How did it go? Or did you just leave them on their own to grow and figure it out alone? Let me know!

-The Police/Don’t Stand So Close To Me-

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12 thoughts on “This Girl Is Half His Age Don’t Stand So Close To Me

  1. Such a tricky topic. I was assaulted by a babysitter as a child and assaulted multiple times as a teenager/ young adult. All by people I knew to varying degrees. I find anytime I have to have a conversation with my girl about “staying safe” whatever that may mean. These days I am talking about getting shot up in Walmart, sexual assault- the entire gamut of concerns and fears we have for our children. I find it tough because I hate that in order to express to her the importance of “appropriate touch” or whatever we have to cover the opposite of that. I hate taking away her innocence or her child perspective on the world to do that. It sucks to destroy that though I know how important it is to prevent a larger destruction. In our home we discuss everything with our daughter. She is 9. I want her to get the correct information on all topics so she knows that no matter the question: masturbation, AIDS, sex, immigration, drugs, death. She can come to us and get realness. I also tell her that at times I give her a limited truth or abbreviated truth because her brain is developing and isn’t ready to handle the entire truth. That’s our family. That works for us.

    • Thank you for your comment. We talk about everything in our house to. Drugs, sex, mental health, etc. I just didn’t realize that my experience and fears could be contributing to creating that world for my kids. They could have continued on for a lot longer unaware that certain touches could be attributed to uncomfortable feelings. I cohabit let the innocence remain. But I don’t want them to be so innocent that either of them are hurt. It’s a fine line.

  2. I do the exact same thing with my 7 year old daughter and 5 year old son. I’m always making sure I don’t miss anything because, unfortunately, my teenage nephew molested his younger brother. We have books about body boundaries. My babies are really close just like I was with my little brother. And I always have to consider that when I think of my 2. I was always weird when it came down to boundaries between me and my brother and that’s because my Mom enforced boundaries as well. I have to remember that other children may not have parents that are super observative and so it’s easier for them to explore without proper teaching.

          • That’s the tricky part. My mom was always on super high alert and it became irrational at some moments. But at the same time, we didn’t find out until recently that my older sister actually molested my little brother. And we all were shocked like WHEN did this happen because my brother and I were inseparable. So it’s a tough call as parents like what is a healthy threshold without making them fearful of being loving towards one another. It’s very tricky. I always just tell my 2 to not touch private areas and respect each other’s privacy. But then does that create curiosity?! Ugh..I wish there was a guidebook for this.

          • Exactly. How to allow them to understand that they can and should be proud of their body, but flaunting it can be excessive. Then on the flip side, just teach them to keep their hands to themselves I think is simple enough.

  3. I believe you summed it up with the following “It’s making him think through intimacy and boundaries. I don’t want him to think it’s never ok to kiss others, but I want there to definitely open up a conversation about it.” and to me that is a sign of good parenting…well done

    • Phew. Thank you. Although when I see that sentence again… I realized I do want him to consider the feelings of others before kissing, and if his kiss is welcomed and wanted before doing so. So in actuality, I do want him to be aware of the feelings of others.

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