Don’t Hide Yourself In Regret Just Love Yourself And You’re Set

My cousin is in town on vacation this weekend with her boyfriend, and so they’ll be over in the next hour or so to chill at the beach. Cool.

I’ve only met the guy less than a handful of times and as a person he seems great. He’s kind, attentive treats her well and can keep a conversation going… maintains his brows better than anyone in our family. But here’s the thing, in my opinion he lets off an air of… femininity. Just hear me out you guys. I’m not against anyone in the LGBTQ+ community. Personally I identify as just straight, but I don’t judge their choices. I’m out here living my life and their doing theirs and it’s all good.

My potential issue with our society as a whole, is when men and women have been taught that being able to express your true desires is wrong, and therefore some individuals might pressure themselves into a heterosexual relationship while suppressing those desires just to maintain appearances. In the meantime, the other person in the relationship has developed deep honest feelings. Which can be fine for both people. I mean happiness is happiness, no matter where it comes from. But what happens 5-10 years down the road? When the person is now becoming comfortable expressing what they’ve been avoiding all this time. What if they previously didn’t allow themselves to explore those feelings due to fear, or religion or worry of what others would think etc. but have developed more in that area. Now you have what may have turned into a marriage, of which one partner wants out of because they are now ready to become more of their true self. This can apply in so many circumstances not just closeted people. But for the situation with my cousin, I see so many red flags. My dilemma is, do I interfere? Do I subtly suggest something that might be way off base to potentially protect both of them from future hardship?

I think back to when I was dating E and how grateful I would’ve been if some older wiser person would’ve just pulled me aside and said C, you can do better. Let’s not rush into this. Basically I needed role models, who had been there and knew more to take me out for coffee and have me explain why I thought marrying E was the best thing for my life. Because if someone had made me do that, I guarantee, I wouldn’t have been able to come up with a single decent sentence proving why I should be with him forever. I would’ve probably re-evaluated my circumstances. Or if anyone had come up to me and said C, I worry that maybe E isn’t the right fit for you, or maybe he might cause you more struggles than joy, or anything along those lines, it would’ve made me think long and hard about my future. I’m not stupid, and if others told me the obvious warning signs, I would’ve taken it to heart. But I didn’t have anyone like me. Who saw things that might be worrisome. I had no one who took time outside their own life to consider mine.

So here is my cousin, who is dating a man I worry might be gay. The being gay is not the issue, it’s the fact that they are together. You have to understand, my cousin is fairly sheltered and is an only child who grew up in the church. This man is also religious, which is where my concerns come that he might not be being true to himself. So, do I butt my head in and lightly suggest to her the possibility that has probably never even crossed her mind? Do I casually chat with him, to see if it’s even crossed his mind?

My position is I don’t want them to get balls deep into a situation that could have been prevented, one that possibly neither of them have even seen coming, if it could have been prevented by just having a chat. I’m not implying it’ll be a simple easy chat. I recognize it’ll be hella awkward no matter which way I go about it. Plus, once the idea is out, I don’t want her to always be thinking she’s never enough and I don’t want him to be ridiculously offended, which I realize will happen if I say anything either way.

I know it’s not the same situation I had with E, because hindsight is 20/20. But why are we so scared to talk about things?  Why are we so scared to prevent possible struggles for others? So scared to step on toes. I legitimately don’t want to see either of them hurt.

I guess it wasn’t as big of a deal back when I knew they were just dating, but a few weeks ago my Aunt told me they were looking at rings, and now I’m just like girl get your head on straight and open your eyes.

Don’t let love and fantasies of the future blind you. This is the here and now, and it’s screaming that he might be wanting more than just your pristine vagina eventually.

Because the signs are all over.

So people of my blog, I need your opinion and advice. I’m probably not going to say anything because everyone lives their own life and gets to make their own mistakes, but should I? And if you think I should intervene, how would you go about it? I don’t want to cause a huge divide in the family. But I don’t want her hindsight to have her wondering why no one helped…. In any way.

-Lady Gaga / Born This Way –

5 thoughts on “Don’t Hide Yourself In Regret Just Love Yourself And You’re Set

  1. For me, I would say to let things play out the way they will but perhaps insert yourself as a comment that could spark a different perspective. The way I am seeing it, we live in a very informational society. It is very easy to find out more about anything than you ever hoped to know. So my thought about homosexuality – even in the church community it isn’t something that can be covered up. Churches everywhere are exerting their authority over how people should think about gayness. And people are still thinking what they will about the topic.

    Perhaps this gentleman has a more mature definition of masculinity and doesn’t adhere to a man’s man way of being. Perhaps he is gentle and considerate and giving and never ever wants to have a penis inside of him. I think the definition of manhood is changing for the better which means there are going to be men out there acting differently that what the status quo has always been.

    But I see what you’re after – wanting to protect a potential broken heart. But my heart considers the reality a person living happily with a person for years until suddenly they realize that they weren’t meant to live that way. That’s still years of living happily together before the truth was found. And in a world where so many people spend so much time not being happy and spending time searching for someone to be happy with, I don’t know if I would wish to be the person coming in the middle of a happy relationship even if it might not be a forever ending.

    But you know the people. And you know how you feel. You are going to be the best judge in the situation because helping people is what you’re after and I find helping people never hurts when good intentions are behind it. So no matter the decision, good will come of it.


  2. I hear you and your concerns and wanting to protect people you love and care about. I think short of you witnessing a same sex act from this boyfriend it is wrong to assume that someone is homosexual. Also, you are assuming you know the inner workings of their relationship. They may be communicating clearly and totally ok with the other person’s needs, desires, preferences etc. It sounds like your situation is very very different from your cousin’s and truly should not be compared. Also, and ijs- are you being honest with yourself in that you would want and accept peoples’ unsolicited advice about your relationship? Love can be blinding. I know personally if I’m in love I tell other people who are trying to dissuade me to kick rocks. But that’s me. Ultimately, you have to decide which action is worth the consequences because either way there will be consequences. Good luck!


  3. What would you do if you saw him with another woman? I think the same applies. I’m not sure I would even mention the sex of the other person. Cheating is cheating. Different topic, but sure takes the awkward edge off. 😇


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