I Got Boy Problems That’s The Human In Me / Don’t Text Me, Tell It Straight To My Face

Yesterday out of the blue E sent a text to see how the kids are and to ask me to say hi to them. They haven’t really talked much in months, and the last time they saw him was at Christmas.

By now, I thought I was over E. and as far as our relationship goes, I am. But when I got that text, I was bothered. And I was even more annoyed at myself by the fact that I was bothered by him. Maybe it was the wording of his text, and maybe it was just my mood even before I received it, but it irked me. Basically My reply was a curt, the kids are good.

Because they are always good. I make sure of that. Because I’m here every day raising them. I don’t check in every 6 months to see how they are. I’m their mother 24/7/365. And so I was frustrated. But in the sake of good parenting, I did pass the message along to the kids and asked if they’d like to either call or message back. Little E opted for the text, and wrote out a little message about what he’s been up to lately and hit send. Then Z dictated to Little E a note for him to type. And that’s when my annoyance built up enough for me to vent here.

Her note was as innocent as any 5 year old who’s going about messaging their father could be. Hi Daddy. I love you. Etc…

I could’ve stabbed E with all the anger I felt in that moment. Here I’ve been, for the last 5 and a half years, taking care of these kids without him, and in one text, he swoops in and receives the same type of gratitude I get on a daily basis. No I’m not frustrated at Z, in all her innocence she’s just acting out how she’s seen other kids be with their dads. And she assumes you say I love you. And that’s not wrong, but in those circumstances there’s years of trust built up. There’s time put in. There’s sleepless nights attached. There’s financial stress involved. There’s fear of loss attached. All the aspects to create what I think deserves at least the start of love.

But she gives it with wreak less abandonment to a man who doesn’t understand the pain he’s caused.

I’m not upset at Z. On one hand I think it’s brave of Z to support E with love that cannot be returned and want to let her make her own choices. But on the other hand I want to caution her on attempting to set sail on a sinking ship. I don’t want to set her on a path where she feels her love is unreturned and therefore somehow not good enough.

For now though, I’m just going to take a day of two to cool off my irrational anger towards E for receiving what in my opinion is undeserving love and I’ll come back to this at a later time.

– Lizzo / Truth Hurts –

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3 thoughts on “I Got Boy Problems That’s The Human In Me / Don’t Text Me, Tell It Straight To My Face

  1. I don’t think your anger is irrational at all! I don’t know if there is a reason why he cannot be a parent or partner but short of being dead I don’t have a lot of empathy for absent parents. My own dad was an absent parent for many years. I never understood it, even more so after having my own daughter. I try to protect my daughter’s heart from some family members who for whatever reason are unable to be a consistent part of her life by letting her know that it isn’t personal. It’s not her or anything she does/doesn’t do- it’s them. Sigh……sometimes people suck.

  2. I’m sorry this has happened. Children are hard-wired to love and support their parents, certainly when they are young. As they grow older, they will see E and his absence for what it really is, and see your devotion for what it truly is.

  3. you’re not wrong in being angry. that’s a natural human emotion to feel. i would. and good you can vent here. nothing’s going to change this man. but kudos to you for passing the message on regardless, putting your own feelings to one side and thinking of the kids first. it is all you can do otherwise in years to come they will only ask you questions. in the end, as they grow they will make their own informed judgements on what kind of relationship they want with this man. peace to you. x

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