I Don’t Know Why I’m Scared ‘Cause I’ve Been Here Before Every Feeling, Every Word I’ve Imagined It All

I’ve come to the realization that the thoughts and sensations I’ve unequivocally been associating with K are still most assuredly him, but they are from our birth.

From the birth of our love, when we split and began our journey into creating ourselves.

In my search for who I am and where I began, I dug deep into myself and my beginning. Past ideas that are rooted in my current perception regarding how my physical creation came to be, past what everything in the world believes in as the fact of creation, and into a stream of consciousness that not only makes the most sense, it makes no sense at all. It is in chaotic peace that I allow myself to be created, because it is here that I know I am truly new and my own, unthought of before.

I am not following what has been created before me, although I use ideas and thoughts from others to lead my way, picking and choosing what will benefit my stream of thought (AKA ‘C’) the most. We all burst forth from the same point of origin and thought, each making our own decisions as we moved away from that source (some call God). In my search back to my ‘start’ I found I continued even further past that origin and started going past the source and into the stream of thoughts of others, following on their path of creation, the most predominant and closest and also most valuable to me being K.

The voice I’ve been hearing in my thoughts, the energies I’ve been feeling so distinctly….. were K’s, unknown to him because he most likely experienced them long ago at his creation, which can explain many things. I’ve been on his journey of creation from his start and my end. Uninvited and probably unwelcome. Causing confusion and anger.

This is why everything he’s ever said to me made sense in a déjà vu way. This is why I’ve felt like I’d heard it all before because I was experiencing Ks point of view while. This is why I sense him at every turn. From my desire to surrender to true and absolute death, my soul met life in him, and now we are becoming one.

In the crossing of our lives, our thoughts are melding as one as we think and intertwine. So my thoughts are now stuck in this crossover moment of creation. Where a moment of creation has taken up years of my life/death.

Moments where I actively hear K affirming his love for me in the most beautiful ways. I feel him hold me as a man holds a woman who holds his heart, but I’m also understanding these feelings were created long ago. I’m understanding that it will never be like this physically for us. If I wait for K to fulfill something that was from his creation, he will have to become a shell of himself. He will have to unknown who he is, to love me. Because who he was when he loved me, as perfect and beautiful as he was, was not the man he is now.

If I wait for K to fulfill those thoughts I hear now, it may kill him.

That’s why each time we are at peace and no one makes a move, nothing changes in regards to us. But if one of us moves to love, it causes destruction in the other. It is one or the other but we cannot come any closer without harming each other’s current growth.

And the fact is, I’ve already decided my soul is tired. I know my soul is done. Long before now, I knew I was at my end. That’s why I started this search, that’s how I found K in this way. That’s why I sacrificed my end to give him beginning.

I know K will live a powerful life, not just as K but continuing on with his soul. Leading many where there was no knowledge before. Creating passionate and carefully thought out masterpieces on his way. And they will be more beautiful and moving than anything ever perceived before.

Because he is the most beautiful masterpiece I’ve ever known. And beauty creates beauty.

-Adele/One And Only-

12 thoughts on “I Don’t Know Why I’m Scared ‘Cause I’ve Been Here Before Every Feeling, Every Word I’ve Imagined It All

  1. DAMN! I don’t think i ever read anything as moving and beautifully written as this. It’s simply amazing. Well Done!!!👏👏
    Btw, thanks for liking A Nightmare within a Dream.


  2. Yesterday I came to this. You had recently liked one of my posts and your name caught my attention. I wanted to see what you were up to over on your little part of the blogosphere. I had an incredible moment as I was working through your pieces.

    This was the first one I came to and when I got to the point “In the crossing of our lives, our thoughts are melding as one as we think and intertwine. So my thoughts are now stuck in this crossover moment of creation. Where a moment of creation has taken up years of my life/death.”.

    Reality clicked.

    To put more words to it, I was sitting at my computer reading everything when in a single moment, what felt like the perfect moment, all of reality seemed to pause and smile in anticipation of the flash that comes before a photo is taken. Then reality clicked. And the photo was taken. But not a photo in this reality, a photo that exists outside of my comprehension and ability to give words to.

    Reading your posts was like connecting pieces of a distant reality with my own. Years ago, in a time before tabbed browsing was even a thing to be understood I had a vision of reading your blog. Everything that I had foreseen ages ago all of a sudden made sense. Reality clicked.

    It was as though the reading of your post brought my timeline into alignment with something on a grand cosmic scale. The experience of it was amazing and is why I’m trying to reach out to you and explain what you helped manifest. I’m so thankful that I found your blog, that you found mine first to grab my attention to make way for this experience.

    Thank you so much. I’m definitely hitting that follow button in the hopes I find more manifestations such as this!


    1. Thank you so much for your explanation. I’ve been trying to explain similar situations for… well it feels like years now, and the things is, that I’ve been explaining that we can all be one, or that we are all one. And that infinity comes from all side. Last present and future. And that I am not the only one involved. That if In fact what I’m speaking on in true, all of us will be involved but it cannot become real until more of us start to recognize it. So thank you so much for this recognition.


Keep the conversation going

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s