All those ‘infinite’ connections are something I wouldn’t wish on someone. All it does is draw you in, and push you out.
The main thing I’ve come to understand on this section of my life since that one dream that started this all. The one where it wasn’t even a dream but I was floating out of my body in the nothingness with K and we had a beautiful conversation about our future and I was first introduced to ideas like twin flame etc, is that if you find your ‘mate’, you can’t actually be with them. Because the more the both of you understand your connection, the more you come to understand that all the energies in your two perceptions are split evenly 50:50.
So if you end up coming together… there is nothing left. In order for the two of you to peacefully come together, the rest of your perception and reality must have been resolved first. If you two as twin flames, started from somewhere, then both set off on your separate ways, leaving a path of creation behind you, then in order to successfully return to one another, you must uncreate everything you both made since you left each other long ago.
This is obviously only achievable if both parties are at a please of understanding and willingness, which unfortunately is impossible. When you both set off, one had to make the first move, and then the other. Which means now and forever, thus infinitely, you will be one step off. Sure you will feel the pull and the desires and the deeper energies with that individual, but unfortunately, the closest you can get is more frustration and pain as you draw closer and then dance around as fear enters. Or they take a step closer and somehow, because of that one step, it pushes you away.
There is, and will always be an unbalanced nature between the two of you. In as much as you know the two of you may be, or are connected. Because of the clues you leave each other. The connections you experience at night while in bed. The moments you hold each other from miles away. The times you see them when they aren’t in the room. The times your perception splits open and they are standing there… it’s only served to make it more difficult, because of the original separation.
Maybe that original separation was the most beautiful thing and was required in order to create one another. Without separation, we would still be one and the same, and what joy does that bring? To be alone in the world? So we separated to allow ourselves to become independent individuals in order to come back to each other with new experiences and stories and adventures to share. Never once did we consider that coming back together, back to ourselves, would be such a struggle.
One that maybe we’ve given up on eons ago. But our innate being would have us constantly trying to find our source. Which because of our initial choice of love, has become seemingly impossible.
So the burden of ‘finding’ your twin flame. Your soul mate. Your self basically. Leads to a major blame game. A push and pull of energy. A who’s who of such. Who was first. Who left who. Forgiveness. Healing of energy. But then, you meet at the 50:50 way. And it’s over. And you realize someone has to leave again to start life again. To start the pain again. So is it worth it? Forgiving, exploring your pain only to heal and be hurt again? To exchange this pain for that healing to start the infinite ♾ cycle again? What’s worse is that it’s not only energy that seems to be split, but knowledge and feeling as well.
And never ending? No thanks. I’m more of a problem solver, and if I’ve opened up and seen the end and beginning loop? And seen in reality and nothingness that there is no possibility of anything different? It seems hopeless and pointless now to me. But then again, maybe it’s just my turn to feel that.