Welcome To Your Name In Lights All The Lighters In The Sky You Must Be Famous This Is How You Live Your Life

I have absolutely without a shadow of a doubt never wanted to be famous. Not one tiny itsy bitsy little iota of me has ever had the desire to be on stage for a living or wanted to see my name up in lights. If I ever had my life’s crazy story published, I’d do it under a pseudonym to maintain my privacy. To be considered ‘nameless’ is completely and totally fine to me. In fact I’d probably consider it desirable at this point.

So when my co-worker J sent me a link on Sunday saying they were doing open casting calls on Monday for a movie they are shooting here in Kelowna and they were looking for an African American looking girl about 5 years old, thinking Z would love it… I was hesitant.

For a few reasons. One, I knew she would love it. Z is literally the most adorable girl ever. She is so open and friendly, always smiling plus she’s cute as hell not to mention she  always wants 100% of the attention on her. She would love being in the movies or on TV. But with that, comes potentially dangerous situations and can lead to a very interesting lifestyle. I also was wary of introducing the kids to that kind of situation, which might get their hopes up, only to have them not get the part, and then there’s the let down to deal with. In the end though, I decided to try it out, as nothing ventured is nothing gained, and you can’t live a good life if you don’t at least take advantage of the opportunities given to you.

So I left work early on Monday and grabbed the kids out of school a little early to head to the restaurant where the open casting call was. Aside from a Z look alike, they were looking for general public etc.  I explained to them it was just a fun chance to be in a show, but we have to see, as there are no guarantees. Plus I wasn’t sure what to expect given the fact that this was my first time going through this procedure. So I told them we were going on an adventure and if nothing else, we at least got out of school early and had a little fun.

Anyways, we arrived at the place and walked in when it smacked me in the face how ill prepared we were. There weren’t a ton of people there when we got there, but the individuals who were, weren’t there to play. Outfits were on point and hair was coiffed. Shoes were shined and wayyyyy to much perfume/cologne was applied. One little girl maybe 3 years old had her hair curled in ringlets with at least a full can of hairspray holding it in place. I was like common. That’s too much. Here are my kids that I just picked up from school, who are half covered in red paint because they were working on a Remembrance Day art piece in the gym when I got there. Z’s hair hadn’t been done since last week, and I’m just trying to remember if they brushed their teeth that morning lol.

So I’m handed a form for each kids to fill out, and the lady tried to get me to sign up as well, saying I’d have to come with the kids anyways, I might as well be an “extra” and I gave her a hard no, as butterfly’s filled my stomach at the thought of it. But you guys, these forms made me realize I was in way over my head. It was a simple one pager, but it asked for your height and weight and all your measurements like inseam and waist/chest/hip in inches, even your hat size. I’m like I have no flipping clue! It asked if it would be ok to cut/colour hair if needed, and all these details that went on and on. Yes I realize it’s for wardrobe’s sake, but still I had to leave so many blank or just estimate, I felt like an awful ‘agent.’

So we returned the forms and then each Z and Little E had their picture taken while the recruiter asked me what the kids availability was, which let’s be honest, it’s always wide open since they’re 5+8 years old, how much can they really have in their ‘schedule’. It was then that they asked me if I would mind staying and talking to the casting director, since they are specifically looking for someone like Z for a certain role. So I said sure we could stick around for a bit. The kids and I ordered an appetizer to share and watched some ice skaters practice on the arena through the window and about 15 minutes later the same lady came back and told us that the casting director was still in interviews right now, but they have all our information and they’ll be in touch.

To me, I took that as a no, we’re gonna go with someone else. But I want to keep my low hopes up for Z’s sake, and let the kids continue fantasizing about it on the way home and throughout the night. At dinner, it’s all Little E could talk about. The potential of Z being ‘famous’. Or even for himself to be in a movie. I was surprised he cared that much, since I have a hard time convincing him to let me take his picture lately, so I didn’t think he’d be into all of this. But he was good with being considered as a possible extra, and the idea grew on him like crazy as the night went on.

I’m not sure how much time I should let pass before giving up on the idea completely. Would it be fun if Z got the part? Of course. Would it be even more fun if Little E got cast as an extra? Obviously. Just the bonding in that alone is monumental. “Remember when we were in that movie together” are memories that would last forever.

But will it shatter their hopes and dreams if we don’t hear back from the company? I don’t think so. At least I hope not.  Nah I’m pretty sure Z’s forgotten about it already. Little E has probably not forgotten, but he understands there were a lot of people there, and that it was only a chance. I don’t think I’ll have to deal with huge bouts of depression if we aren’t ‘the chosen ones.’

But I’ll keep you posted.


-Lil’ Wayne Ft. Reginae Carter/Famous-

We’re All Broken Pieces Floating By / These Aren’t My People These Aren’t My Friends

I had a packed house last night.

I invited my co-workers over for drinks/games night, and J brought her two kids. I also decided to invite another couple I met through Little E and his classmates and they brought their two kids as well.

So with 7 adults and 6 kids running around my small place it was… loud. Especially after the drinks started flowing. But I think nights like these is what everyone needs, just a chance to get out and let loose. Meet new people and drink and still have somewhere to bring your kids while not feeling like your the only one doing so. It was good all around.

Everyone stayed until wellllll past our bedtimes and so it helped that we turned the clocks back an hour last, although not like I got any extra sleep…..

You know what. I’ve decided this is probably the start to the most lame post I’ve ever written. Here I was chilling at home on a Saturday, baking a cake for company… literally excited for “games night” then spending Sunday hung-over playing board games with my kids… Thinking it’s “post worthy”

Like honestly what has my life become. That this is what I look forward to. This is all I have to be happy and excited about. Providing entertainment for others so we don’t all fall into some sort of depression.

To be completely honest, I’m done with life. I would be 100% fine with not living anymore. So instead of getting all hot and heavy and talking about real shit with you guys because I think no one would understand, I write lame posts about games night… like anyone gives two shits about that. Not even I care, that’s how boring it is. Sure parts were fun in the moment…. but when you really get down to it, why are you living life? Like what is your passion? Do you have a passion or “destiny’?

Like for me, the only thing keeping me around anymore is the fact that I brought two lives into this world so I should do the decent thing and raise them until they are capable of taking care of themselves. Other than that, I’ve been doing some “soul searching” as one might say, and I can’t find anything that drives me anymore. Maybe in a past life I fulfilled my final desires, so now here I am, finishing up ‘life’. Doing one final lap. Tying up loose ends if you will. Because I have nothing left in me. After this run, I’m done. And the thought of death, doesn’t turn me off of that. Sure the pain associated with dying is a discouraging thought, but after that, being dead itself? I think I’m ready for. In fact a small part of me even longs for it. To just be done. Over. All of it over. The pain, the search for joy and love, the let downs, the guilt, the why me/why not me? Just everything. No more creating or struggling. No ups or downs. Nothing.

Just nothing.

I’m ready to find my rest and totality in nothing.

But until it comes naturally, I’ll probably have to suffer through a few more games nights.


-Lovelytheband/Broken-