Things are looking up. Way up.
I honestly hardly slept at all last night, for various reasons, but the thought of the court date today was a large component in keeping me up.
I haven’t been this excited/anxious/nervous what have you, for anything in… well I honestly can’t remember anything keeping me up like this except Christmas as a little girl. Not my wedding night. Not giving birth. Like literally nothing has given me the anticipation that this day did ever.
Today at work I was hardly productive. I kept checking the time, and comparing it to the time difference to where the court date was. Calculating in my head how long should my lawyer take before I would hear from him. Would I hear from him? What if it was bad news? What if there was no new? Fuck, what if E showed up somehow and messed up everything? Like, I just couldn’t work today, my thoughts were so distracted.
Finally just after 2:00pm I got an email from my lawyer, and I didn’t read it right away. I took a minute to compose myself. Reminding myself that nothing was set in stone, and it could still go one of two ways. Well it could go any way imaginable, but not to assume it was going to go the way I wanted it to, considering things with E never have.
So then when I finally opened the email, I could’ve cried, but my boss was standing right there, so instead I read it out loud. Yeah, my boss knows way to much about my personal life, but that’s what happens when there’s only 3 of you guys in the entire company and you relocate provinces together.
Anyways, word for word, here’s the email from my lawyer.
We were successful in obtaining an order to sever the corollary relief today. We also obtained an order giving you primary parenting and day to day decision making for the children as well as child support in the amount based on an income of $XX,XXX per year.
We are going to draft the divorce documents. We will be in touch in due course as to what needs to be done in order to finalize this.
We’re almost done!”
I. Was. So. Happy. I literally didn’t know what to do. I think I’ve re-read it 4 times since, just to make sure it’s not a dream. Yes, there’s still a little bit of work to be done, but this is more progress in one day than what’s been made in 4.5 years.
I can move without E having anything to do with it, as it should be. I can file for maintenance enforcement, and the kids can live a much better quality of life, and soon, officially, I can say I’m divorced.
I feel such relief that I don’t even know how to put it into words.
And yeah, I’ve started crying as I write this. Because that man had such a hold on my life. I felt like I couldn’t be happy, and this just feels like such a break through. I feel like I can start living now.
No clue where or how to start, but I can start really living.
You guys, it’s like after over 4 YEARS of this burden, I might actually have been set free.
The whole premise and reason I started this blog was to relieve the weight of E, to tell my story in my own words, and maybe find love again.
So maybe, I’m on my way.
-Beyonce ft. Kendrick Lamar/Freedom-