So yesterday was Father’s Day here in Canada.
As I’m sure you could assume, I’m not the biggest fan of Father’s Day.
My birth “father”? Non existent in my eyes. I haven’t spoken to him since a “brief” reconnection when I was sixteen (a 15 minute chat that ended with him giving me his business card). Before that? I hadn’t seen him in probably a dozen years.
My kid’s “father”? Back committed again in a psych ward. I know I said he was out a week or so ago, but he’s back…again. Probably for the best. Men who beat their wives unprovoked are obviously not right in the head and need all the help they can get, even if they will never be “normal.” Since I filed for divorce 4+ years ago, he’s pushing close to 9 months of being committed, and the doctors have outright said he will never “get better.” So basically my kids don’t have a dad either. But we all know they never really did.
My step-dad who raised me? Of course he did his best, but his preference for his biological daughter, my younger sister was obvious.
So, no. I have no positive feelings for Fathers Day.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are plenty of great, nay even superb dad’s out there. But I just don’t have any in my inner circles. I didn’t have any role models growing up showing what a good dad could be like, which is probably why I set the bar so low for my now ex. But my issue is why?
Why the fuck can’t men be better men?
For sure there are tons of crappy women/mothers out there, but why is it somehow automatically assumed that woman have to step up when a relationship falls to shit and be the “better” parent? Of course there are exceptions to this as with everything, but the majority of the time y’all know what I’m talking about.
Why do woman have to step it up more than guys? Last time I checked it took both his dick and your vagina to make that baby. Plus the woman already did her time, 9 months worth more than a man growing the kid, so does that mean she gets the next 9 months off while he does 9 straight to compensate? Hell no. In our society sometimes the girl is “lucky” if the guy is still around by the time the child is born.
What the fuck happened to family? What happened to commitment? What happened to choosing each other and purposely deciding to create a beautiful life? How did we get so messed up, to the point where men for some reason just assume that the lady will be all good in raising A HUMAN BEING ALONE if he decides to up and bail? And for who knows what.
- He wasn’t ready
- He was scared
- He didn’t want the baby
- He found new girl
- He couldn’t afford the child
- He thought he was too young
- He just outright didn’t think it was his problem
- Etc. etc. etc.
Well guess what, we as woman feel half those reasons too. And you know what we need in that moment? A MAN. Not a boy who was horny and instead of full of sperm he’s now full of excuses. So now in the most basic sense, all I can say, although I know it’ll fall on deaf ears, if fucking keep it in your pants.
Men and woman.
If you’re not ready to be a parent, you shouldn’t be messing around.
I’m just done with celebrating stupidity. I’m done with Hallmark holidays.
Even more so, right now, I’m done with men.
-The Carters/Boss-
How I Lost My Chains 
hang in there mama ❤
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I have no choice… kinda the point of my rant lol
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Clearly. But your resilience is inspiring thanks for being so transparent. Your kids are so lucky to have you love! A mother’s sacrifice often goes un noticed but reaps the best reward!
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Your children are lucky to have you, the parent who stepped up. Celebrating you and all the women like you, who get shit done 🙂
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Thanks naughtynora. Someone has to. I’m just saying it’s unfortunate that it’s always assumed that it’ll be the mom. What if I want 9 months off. ‘Cause I do 🤫😩
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Fuck father’s day
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Agreed
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I feel like as a man who stepped up when the woman didn’t want to, I have to speak up here. I am not saying there is anything wrong with your feelings but you cant really envelope an entire gender based on a few POS men out there. Since I have been raising my daughter by myself for the past almost 3 years now (she will be 5 in Nov.), does that mean I get to say F*** Mother’s Day? Just because the “mother” of my child didn’t step up doesn’t mean I can lump every other woman on earth into her same category. I am truly sorry that you have had such terrible experiences with men out there. I am here to tell you. We aren’t all the type that just can’t keep it in our pants. I knew the risk I ran when I had sex and now I am raising my daughter solo why the incubator does her drug thing. All the while she is in and out of rehab because she doesn’t feel like being bothered with responsibility of parenthood. Just Saying.
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You can say Fuck Mothers Day all you want… You’d be joining me in saying it. If you read carefully I didn’t say all men, but you and I both know that normally it is assumed that the female will assume that role. What I won’t do though. is congratulate you on doing what you should have been doing all along. Being a mother fucking dad.
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I never once expected accolades for doing what I am suppose to do. I never intended that to come across as “Look at me. Look what I did.” If you read my “Make and Impact” blog entry you will see that I feel that way. I always took care of mine because that’s what a man does. However, if I am wrong in expecting accolades, shouldn’t the moms be wrong in expecting the same? Expecting praise for doing what they are suppose to be? Being a Mom?
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No one is expecting praise. We are “expecting” a partner. And I’m sure our children are expecting a Dad
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I’m saying why can’t we be a team. 50/50.
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I agree and disagree. I think parenthood and relationships should be 100/100. Both mom/dad, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife have to go all in and give 100% of themselves all the time. Whether it be to each other or children. That is my stance.
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Nope. Because if you give yourself 100 to someone else, you’ve lost yourself, and that my friend, is a very dangerous place to be.
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That’s when you allow them to manipulate you and control you, and you no longer know who you are and what you stand for,
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Being all in on a relationship does not mean being manipulated. It means knowing what is required of you to make it work and putting forth the effort to do it. You can’t half-ass parent, or have a half-ass commitment to your partner. You have to go all in, not half in.
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And what about self care? Are we as individuals not important? If we do not care for ourselves, we will have nothing left to give.
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You should definitely care about yourself. I agree with that 100%. If you are not taking care of yourself, it is impossible to take care of anyone else.
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I love being right j/k lol. I also love a good debate, you’re welcome to voice your opinion here anytime 🙂
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Thank you. Debates are way better than arguments. People tend to get their little feelings hurt sometimes. Then they pout and block me lol
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Hahaha. Nope. That won’t happen here, trust me.
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Love your blog and your blunt, clear style. The more women bash men, however, the greater the gender divide. For me, a lousy relationship, an awful marriage is an equal creation of both people. love begets love and hate begets hate. 🙂
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And honesty begets honesty. and maybe shows people that others are sick of this shit and it needs to change. Unless someone makes people aware there is an issue… others will just continue with their crap, blissfully unaware it is even an issue.
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It is not men vs. women, It is taking care of humanity you too helped create. no matter what gender you are/were
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Don’t disagree with that. Have a great day. 🌞
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You as well.
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