This Life Is Filled With Hurt When Happiness Doesn’t Work Trust Me, And Take My Hand When The Lights Go Out, You’ll Understand

I haven’t been on top of my writing, I know. For starters, life has been intense this past while, which I’ll try to delve into in a later post. But also, I’ve been having seizures so often now that I just don’t have the energy or strength to write. I’d prefer to spend all my free time ‘recovering’. I have Grand Mal seizures in my sleep, and while they were controlled by meds for the most part of my life, these past 2-3 weeks I’ve been having 1-2 a week, which considering it had been years since they’ve effected me like this, is in and of itself stressful/annoying. They cause so much pain in general. My entire body is sore when I wake up. Last night (and most nights) I bit my tongue and lip. I threw up after I finally dragged myself outta bed and it was full of blood. This time I also scratched up my face, so that was something new. It was also something fairly embarrassing for when I had to take little E to his hockey game and my face was full of red scratches. Then to top it all off, because apparently that’s not enough, I wet the bed. Yep I’m 30 years old and can’t control my bladder. Attractive.

So, because little E had a hockey game early (7:30) this morning, and then a birthday party at 2, I took Z to get her nails done 💅🏼 and now because I’m literally too tired to cook, I’m sitting in a McDonald’s play-place, in an attempt to wear the kids out and hopefully have a quiet evening.

I picked up some Epson salts for a bath later and I’ve been living on Extra Strength Advil.

At this point, I’m not sure what’s going on, or what that problem is. All I know is this has been beyond draining and I wish they would stop. To have something happening to my body that is beyond my control is frustrating and annoying. It’s painful and the doctors honestly don’t seem to give a shit. They ask if I’m taking my meds, which I am. And than I’m met with blank stares. It’s like if this medicine doesn’t work, they literally have no clue where to go from there.

So anyways. That’s what’s been going on with me. My brain has decided it’s going rogue, and as a result, my body feels like death.


-Three Days Grace/Pain-

9 thoughts on “This Life Is Filled With Hurt When Happiness Doesn’t Work Trust Me, And Take My Hand When The Lights Go Out, You’ll Understand

  1. Sorry to hear that C. Try to get a 2nd opinion from another alternate doctor about your medical condition as it seems they have diagnosed you wrong in the first place.

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  2. I’m so sorry things are like this. It must be so unsettling going to be every night wondering how you’ll wake up, or even, if you’ll wake up. Especially with your two children to look after. Can you get a second opinion about this? Is there an option to increase the dose?

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  3. And you took the time to stop by?! Bless you!
    Please, please look after yourself – the daily energy drains are awful because it feels like you’re too tired to draw breath just so you can draw breath. Perhaps a second opinion?
    I’m sending you a cyber hug.

    Liked by 1 person

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