I’m Tired Of Being What You Want Me To Be / I Don’t Know What You’re Expecting Of Me Put Under The Pressure Of Walking In Your Shoes

I finally sucked up my pride. In so many ways.

I lowered my housing standards and browsed manufactured houses in… you guessed it, trailer parks. Then I took it on step further and threw all caution to the wind, because I ended up calling my Grandpa all for selfish reasons of course, but it was an annoying phone call non-the-less.

It began when I found a place that I actually thought would be reasonable to live in for an AMAZING price. The only downside, is that I know the price is so good because it’s so fricking close to the high-way. Like the one major high-way that runs through the city. And when I say close, I mean highway here—~–house here. Nothing but a little hill between them.

Now I live close to a major road right now, and I’m fine with it. Albeit, it took me a little time to get used to it (since I moved from the suburbs/remote village in Kenya, so traffic was rare), but right now my house faces a fairly busy side road, and across that is a little field with a few telephone/electrical wires/trees, then taa-daa the Trans-Canada highway. No houses blocking noise, no stores or schools. Nothing. Just my place, and a few bushes between me and every cross-country traveler. Oh wait, throw the train tracks in there too because I’m fancy like that. So to me, to be close to a main road… not that big of a deal. But to be fair, the place I’m considering is MUCH closer. But also MUCH cheaper.

So as I looked through photo’s, it made me consider all the things that this opportunity could possibly open up. The place is listed for less that $175,000.00, which means I could potentially get it for less, and save a bunch of cash. It only needs a few updates, and nothing that actually needs to be done, only things I would want just for aesthetic purposes, and even those might cost $5-10,000.00 if that. Like restaining kitchen cupboards, painting a bathroom etc, nothing major. My mortgage would be way cheaper, which means I would save tons every month, plus there are no condo/strata fees. Which means… my kids and I could have a better quality of life.

That Cruise I wanted to go on? A total possibility. The new car I need, why not? My kids being able to go into more than one out of school activity at a time, have at ‘er. More money in my pocket every week opens up the door to so many opportunities. The place itself has everything we need. Need as in, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathroom, a nice kitchen, dining room, and living room. All arranged in a logical way, which is important to me. It comes with a large shed outside and a big backyard for the kids to at least have a good place to play. Does it have a basement? No. But when I sit down and think about it, I only ever go to my basement to do laundry since thats where the machines are, and the kids watch TV there. So with the TV in the living room, and the laundry room on the main floor, why would we need any more that what’s listed above.

I know that once we move, our lifestyle will change. I’m anticipating more time outside anyways. So I truly appreciate the large yard and a big deck too. As well as a massive shed, almost like a workshop, (not that I build things), for storing all our outdoor activity equipment, like bikes and kayaks and balls etc.

Anyway, I’ve realized, that since I’m doing this on my own, I have to make my own choices. And I know that THINGS don’t mean that much to me. I don’t need brand name junk. I don’t need 20 pairs of jeans. I don’t need 400 video games or 400 of anything. So if I live a life where I only keep things that spark joy, than why wouldn’t I apply that to my house? Why would I buy a place that has a bunch of extra unused space that is only used/touched when I have to run a rag over it to wipe the dust off it? This smaller place is still 1200 square feet, tastefully done, and nicely landscaped. But best of all? It won’t make me house poor.

So I sucked up my pride and called my Grandpa to see if he would be available to go and take a look at it, and give me his opinion on the noise from the highway. I figured not only would he would give me his honest thoughts, but he’s the only one out there who’s not working all day so an extra project wouldn’t be too stressful. Well, turns out he was at my Uncle’s house. Great. I guess I should preface this with the fact I’ve seen/spoke to  him once in the past ohhhhhh 12-15 years? And it was this past summer at my Grandpa’s memorial. Yep he skipped my wedding, but in hidesight I wished I skipped it to, so I can’t fault him to much for that. But basically we never had a falling out or anything, we just both never call family. So my Grandpa hands the cell over to my Uncle for him to write down the address and get all the information, upon which my Uncle begins to judge my choice. Something I can tell by his comments and tone.

“Oh, well you should sell your place first”

“Get your ducks in a row before moving on”

“Make sure you have your money straightened out before you even consider looking”

And all I can think is, first, what makes you think I don’t have my money straightened out? Or that my ducks aren’t in a row? Like you literally have no idea what’s going on in my life, because we haven’t had any sort of relationship in years! I can’t live at home with my parents like my cousins are STILL doing because you think life is expensive! That wasn’t an option for me. I wasn’t allowed to stay at home until I was like 26 and have my parents pay for 4-6 years of secondary education while living rent free so I had a chance to save up half a mil or whatever you expect. My life wasn’t like that, and won’t be like that. I have to move now. I have to buy a place by this summer. I can’t magically come up with hundreds of thousands of dollars or even one dollar (trust me, I tried but people suck, *common y’all had to know I would call you out on your lies too*). So I have to do what I can to make it work. So unless you plan on forking over the cash to make my options something other than a fucking trailer park, without going into huge debt, shut your damn mouth along with all the other people who just like to give advice without backing it up with REAL LIVE HELP.

I’m so sick and tired of people with all their “advice”.

I need to tattoo my forehead or something with “DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK,” but idiots probably still wouldn’t get it.


-Linkin Park/Numb-

4 thoughts on “I’m Tired Of Being What You Want Me To Be / I Don’t Know What You’re Expecting Of Me Put Under The Pressure Of Walking In Your Shoes

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