Like usual, life has taught me that I can only depend on myself and that people will just say shit to make themselves look good, but majority of the time, never follow through with actions. Both here on the internet where they feel they can put forth any facade they want with very little to no consequence in real life if they turn out fake, as well as in my everyday reality.
Wednesday at the suggestion, and even urging of multiple followers, I started a Go Fund Me page, against my better instincts, when it turns out I should have trusted my gut. Because once again I have been shown that people are all words.
Not only did that bother me, but as I left work after a frustrating day in the office, I received one blow after another with no reprieve.
I picked up the kids from daycare, where they were handing out lice notices. Great.
I got a letter in the mail stating that all my financial information may have been compromised after a hack at Nissan from when I bought my Rogue back in ’14. Excellent.
I received an email from my lawyer saying despite E saying he was going to sign, he didn’t (obviously) plus E claims he had no knowledge of the move to Kelowna, and is now not wanting to pay any previously owed money. Perfect.
My Grandpa called 3 times wanting to help me with my house hunt. Superb. For those of you not in the know, he made an aggressive pass at me while I was staying at his house, which is bad enough right? Throw on top of that that it was the night of my Grandma’s memorial and you might understand why I have yet to answer his calls.
To top off those Wednesday only items is the fact that my best friend hasn’t been talking to me this week over something petty, and you can see why at this point I’m thankful for all of you.
Thankful for reminding me that people will say things like “I got you”. Or “I’m here for you”. But in the end, they are only words. Words only have the power you give them. Actions, on the other hand, can be substantiated without all the grandeur of words. You can do something small but so meaningful for someone without having to boast yourself up. But after many years (yeah unfortunately it took me a while, I kept wanting to give people the benefit of the doubt), I have come to the understanding that people need words to make themselves feel good. They don’t say things for the benefit of others. It is solely to build up themselves. Make themselves feel good, like in their minds, at least they feel like they offered a chance at kindness so it’s as good as done.
So I’m truly grateful. Because you have reminded me that I cannot depend on anyone but myself. My mind and my strength are all that will get me through. My wits and my logic and my actions.
Did I go out on a limb and take action by creating a go fund me page? Sure did. But my actions were met with inaction. So I’ve decided to take another course of action. Where the results will be 100% in my hands. I can’t leave my families fate to individuals who are all talk no walk. So I appreciate the kick in the pants, and the reality check. From both my readers and the people in my life, that has helped me to understand we are individuals for a reason. We do things individually. On our own. For our own.
-Lil Uzi Vert /The Way Life Goes-