Our Finest Gifts We Bring/To Lay Before The King/I Am A Poor Boy Too/I Have No Gift To Bring/Shall I Play For You

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So this is little E’s Christmas list this year. The list came about after he would continually talk about things he would like for Christmas (actually it was probably the same couple things over and over but to be honest I was hardly paying attention… opps), so I suggested he write a list for “Santa” and we could even maybe mail it to him.

Which is when my very clever boy asked if Santa is even real. Little E has asked this question this year and the previous 2 years. And each time he asks, I tell the truth. That no, Santa is not real, but it is a fun idea and little kids enjoy the excitement of the idea of him, so lets let them continue to believe. So then he asked who really brings the presents? And I asked him who does he think? And he said me (mom), and so I said yes, you’re right.

Which led to him asking why I would suggest he write a letter to “Santa” and who we would mail it to? So I told him that since I do buy the gifts, I still need an idea of what he would like, and the mailing part is just for fun, part of the whole santa idea. Pretty much the same conversation we had last year about it.

He took it really well and when we got home, he headed up to his room and emerged with this beautiful list. A list that makes me think I’m doing parenting right.

  1. A fish pal – One of his gold-fish recently died on a suicide mission, by jumping out of the bowl. Eli mentioned one morning one of his fish was missing, but I was like no way, it’s got to be in the bowl. But when he insisted, I told him I would look later that afternoon. I spent SOOO long looking for it, under the dresser, in the dresser drawers, even digging around in the bottom of the fishbowl. the whole time terrified I would actually find a dead fish.  I finally found it in the garbage can, all the way at the other side of the dresser, and truly believed that the fish had dove out the bowl, flopped allllllll the way across the long double drawer dresser to its final demise in the garbage can. It’s like we had our own Finding Nemo escape moment. I was blown away. So I go to tell Eli that I found his fish, and that it’s quite an amazing story, but unfortunately ends with the fish dead… and he interrupts me. Saying yeah, he found the fish on the floor right beneath the bowl, so he had picked it up and threw it out.  For a minute I was sad my theory on how the fish got into the garbage was wrong, but also so impressed little E handled it like it was no big deal. Anyways, so now he wants another fish so the remaining one isn’t lonely
  2. Nintendo Land CD
  3. Wii U – Which I’ve been told they don’t make anymore or something like that. So I suggested to him, that maybe we get some new games for his DS that he got last Christmas, he was A-Okay with that.
  4. Party with my family – Like seriously doesn’t this just melt your heart?
  5. To see if we are going to a new home – So I’ve explained to the kids (although Z really doesn’t care) about Kelowna. And I think little E is just ready to get it done.
  6. To wish people a great time- OMG like I love this kid
  7. Cookie decorating – I can totally arrange this
  8. A big home – Like I said, he knows we’re moving, but as sweet and kind as your list is buddy, I can’t afford a big home. But I can promise you it will be safe and warm and full of love.
  9. To teach me good manners – Honest to god he wrote this list himself with no influence from me. Well no influence at the time, but I’ve obviously been an influence in his life to make him. a 7-year-old boy, ask for good manners for Christmas.
  10. A boy – I asked him what this one meant. He said he wants a baby boy in our family… Ummmm. Sorry hun, I can’t get you that for Christmas. And then he suggested that maybe Aunty N, who’s pregnant can have a boy. Phew, as long as you’re not asking for a little brother, because my hands are tied on that one lol.

 

Anyways, on the way back from the gym tonight I was talking to him some more about his list and how it was very thoughtful and not greedy, and I was very proud of him. He turned around and said “but it is greedy, I asked for 10 things”

Oh little E, but the things you asked for are not all THINGS. They weren’t just stuff. You have learned a very important lesson about whats important in life, and that is that people and time and love, all those experiences, are much more valuable, and more important and can make you much happier than just stuff, or toys, or games.  And that was reflected in your list. You showed that you were not being greedy by wanting to wish others a great time, or spend time with your family, or even by wanting to better yourself with good manners. All those are the opposite of being greedy. You are turning yourself to the world to try to make the world a better place instead of trying to constantly see what you can get from the world.

I told him I hope he never looses that value, and that love that he’s shown in that letter.

And I hope I can continue to point my children in what I feel is the right direction.


-Little E’s Fav Christmas Song/Drummer Boy-

So You’re Still Thinking Of Me/We Have So Much In Common We Argue All The Time

This is quite possibly shaping up to be on par with the shitty-est week ever.

First (actually I don’t even remember what happened first anymore, but) Z got the chicken pox. So that threw a wrench in my week like nobody’s business. She obviously couldn’t be at daycare, plus I had to pull little E from school and daycare just in case he was carrying the virus as well, since they didn’t want him also potentially infecting a bunch of kids. So that started on Monday with a phone call from the daycare followed up with a visit to the Doctor to confirm and then a stop at the pharmacy to stock up on calamine lotion and children’s Advil. As the week has progressed, her symptoms haven’t been that bad and she’s actually almost over it, so I’m lucky it was a very mild case since she only ended up with maybe two dozen spots and no major fever. Also, little E never ended up with a break out so that’s a blessing… maybe. I kinda was hoping they would get it at the same time so I don’t need to miss another week of work if he gets it at a different time but beggars can’t be choosers.

Anyways now that we got the all clear from the doctor, I decided to take the kids swimming today. Just to get out of the house and get my mind off everything else that’s been going on. I packed up the kids and since my weight loss I told them I’d have to make a quick stop at Walmart to grab a new swimsuit since I was fairly certain my old one wouldn’t fit. Either way I threw my old one in the swim bag and off we went. Walmart had two mismatched bottoms without tops left in their clearance section and that was it. So I figured I’d try my old bathing suit one last time since I’d already told the kids I’d take them to the pool and I didn’t want to let them down. We get to the pool, paid, and then I got both the kids ready and got my suit mostly on, when I realize one side of my halter strap is broken. And there was no way I could wear the suit without the strap since it’s about 2-3 sizes to big now and would end up around my waist without any support. So I had to explain to the kids that I tried my best, but all we could do now was play at the indoor playground.

Oh my goodness. I have raised such kind, understanding children. Little E was just like “it’s ok mom, you tried your best” and Z was like “we understand.” So we changed back into our street clothes and the kids are now running around a ridiculously busy playground.

While I write.

Which I need.

Because so many others things are fucked up.

I got an email from my lawyer yesterday? Two days ago? I don’t even remember now. But here it is.

Yeah. After E told me he signed all final documents with his lawyer, and I forwarded that email to my lawyer, he didn’t actually sign. I even had asked him a few days ago if he signed, and he lied outright and said yes, as well as confirmed on a phone call when he said he had done it.

So I’m trying to get ahold of E and he’s ignoring all my calls and messages.

I’m so beyond pissed at this excuse of a man. I just want to be done. I have just wanted to be done for years. So I replied to my lawyer with the exact screenshot as above and pretty much asked at what point do we stop allowing a severely mentally disabled person dictate how much longer this divorce will take. Like at what point can we file some contempt case or something. He’s obviously messing with the system and delaying the inevitable and it’s pissing everyone off.

Mine and his lawyer included now.

He’s just a never ending fountain of lies. And I was done with it long ago.

So in an effort to relax I tried going for a massage that K got me for my birthday while my mom was babysitting. The massage was actually very relaxing and enjoyable, so then I decided to add on a facial on a whim. I figured why not, I hardly ever have a babysitter let me live a little. So while the lady left me for 10 minutes to let a moisturizing mask do it’s thing, I wanted to check my phone to see if my kids had phoned, and to call and say good night to them.

WELL, lol. I sat up and leaned towards my feet where my purse was and that’s when the WHOLE TABLE FLIPPED OVER and I ended up on the floor 😂😂. The massage table was folded in two and I spent the better part of 5 minutes hoping no one heard (fat chance) while trying to fix the table. Let’s just say it brought back all the stress (and more) that was just released during the massage lol. And to top it all off, when I finally called my kids, I had just missed them going to bed so it was all for naught.

Then, as an added bonus, when I went to pay for it all, the gift card K had given me didn’t even work so it just made a frustrating day even more so. Needless to say, I just went home and went straight to bed.

And, because that’s not enough, K has not been answering my calls and I just really want a friend to talk to right now.

Like I get when E ghosts me like this, but for K to do it? And during the exact same timeframe as E is just fucken annoying.

So that’s life lately.

Also, a few of you commented on my last post, and the basic jest of the comments lead me to believe that I misled you. Yes crying helped that night. But no, my experiences have not stopped. They lessened for that night, and then returned in full force the next night and every night since.

-Khalid/Young Dumb & Broke-