So, I got an update from my lawyer. After constantly harassing him about updates in regards to the divorce (obviously, why else would I bother my lawyer) he finally told me last week that the only thing that E was yet to agree on was the Section 7 expenses. Basically the past money he owes me for the kids. Details here – (B*tch Better Have My Money, Pay Me What You Owe Me
So I planned in my head to use this as a bargaining chip in my conversation with E. In my mind, I honestly thought I would have to convince him to ‘let’ me move with the kids. Just based on his previous reactions to, well to anything in life and how difficult he is with everything I guess I prematurely assumed this would also be a fight. So in my mind, I prepared a bargaining chip before I even called E to tell/ask him about the move. Old habits die hard.
My lawyer had advised me that if I had a verbal agreement between myself and E, then I could move the kids to Kelowna with no issues/court involvement, and that’s what I was aiming for. If E did have an issue with it however, it could move to me having to file some sort of court order to move, which would lead to more delays and just aggravation in general.
So I decided that if he was going to make it difficult, I was honest to whatever God going to offer him all his section 7 expenses in return for the move. The thing is, I know money is more valuable to E than time with the children, so I was quite confident that that play on my part would work if necessary. Turns out though, that E surprised even me!
When I called, I started off the conversation asking why he was still delaying in signing the Section 7 part. Because it was my understanding that we both just wanted to put this whole divorce behind us, I mean we’re in the fourth year for goodness sake. That’s when he shocked me by saying he had just emailed his lawyer that morning saying he agreed to everything, and to wrap it up.
I was shook (I never use that word, but I was beyond shocked and it seems fitting) First, there goes my ace card, not that it looked like I would need it, but secondly and more importantly, the end to this ridiculous farce of a marriage seemed in sight! But because E is E, and I can no longer believe a single word that passed through his lips, I asked him to forward me the email that he sent to his lawyer… just to make sure. I stalled on the phone while I waited for the email to come through, and then sure enough there it was. Plain as day. E agreeing to pay out all the thousands of dollars he owes me. In writing.
So that was good.
But now how do I explain Kelowna with no leverage?
So I just started in. I lead with the fact that my work was considering relocating (not a lie) and so I might have to move with the kids to BC, and how did he feel about it? I also explained that I would consider paying half of either his flights or bussing for when/if he came to visit the kids so he understood that I wasn’t trying to move to ‘take them from him’. But he was uncharacteristically very understanding. He said if it’s for work than it’s ok.
I didn’t believe him. Probably because I’ve learned my lesson with E, and I know I can’t take ANYTHING he says at face value. So I asked him repeatedly if he had any questions or concerns. He said no. So I tried again, wanting to know if he had ANY issues with me moving our children further away from him? He said no.
So I figured I should just take that answer and run with it, before anything changed… because with E there is always change.
I got off the phone and emailed my lawyer and let him know that I had a verbal agreement from E in regards to the move. I also forwarded E’s email to his lawyer, to my lawyer (make sense?), so my lawyer could move forward with finalizing everything. I feel like I say that a lot, but while dealing with E, there’s a lot of back and forth, so at least now I had a “e-paper trail” so to speak. I also confirmed with my boss that E would not be an issue with the move and we could continue with our plans.
So things were a go….
Until not more than 6 hours later I get this.
I KNEW in that time (well I didn’t know but I STRONGLY felt) that E had probably contacted his lawyer and now was fishing for more information. Now don’t get it twisted, I’ve told E where I work, multiple times, since his memory is terrible. But I didn’t want to tell him in this moment in case it wrecked things for me. So I tried calling him, and he ignored me calls, even though I could see he was online via WhatsApp (SO FRUSTRATING).
Once I finally got a hold of him, and asked him why he wanted to know, his first response? “It has nothing to do with the case” So I knew immediately that it had everything to do with the “case” and therefore my suspicions were confirmed. I asked him what it mattered to him, and reminded him that I’d told him before, so it’s nothing I’m hiding. So on the phone I asked AGAIN, if he was ok with me, and therefore the kids moving. He once again said yes.
So I again said ok, and said my good byes, also that I would try to call with the kids on the weekend.
Now I’ve gotten my updated letter of settlement and my lawyer put a small “clause’ in there if you will about how despite everything previously agreed upon, E agrees to ‘let’ me move to Kelowna with the kids and I’ll give him access to the kids while there.
I’m hoping this settles things.
But if I’ve learned anything with E… expect the unexpected and never trust anything he says.
-Demi Lovato/Sorry Not Sorry-