What the fuck. My Grandpa just made a pass at me. What the fuck. What the fuck.
I’m living the fucken twilight zone you guys.
Earlier today he asked me if I was still taking my ‘medication’ and I remembered that my mom had told both him and my aunt how I indulge in weed and it helps with my seizure related headaches. So I told him that normally I ‘take’ it every night but I didn’t bring anything on this trip because… well awkward (ha little did I know how awkward/awful it was going to get). So he started talking about how he had a few joints around and how he hadn’t smoked since before my grandma (HIS WIFE) died in June. (Quick reminder, I’m in town for her memorial, which happened yesterday) So he suggested we smoke a joint together later at night. I was honestly just thrilled because I’ve had the worst sleeps the last two nights and I just wanted to have like a solid 6 hours of sleep and I would be ecstatic.
So everyone else finally went to bed today and we sat in the carport/garage and had a few drags each, finishing about half the joint. Meanwhile he’s talking all this stuff about how he’s got these friends who grow it here and he can get it for me no problem. And then after a couple puffs he says OK that’s enough especially if you don’t smoke. (I had explained how edibles are my go to). I’m feeling nothing at this point but I’m not gonna push it, so we say our goodnights and I figured that was that.
I get into bed and put in my earplugs a cousin gave me yesterday in an attempt to sleep better, and start to browse instagram a bit, even considered starting a post but figured I would wait until I get home because I have SO much to say, when I felt a hand on my ankle.
These earplugs are amazing, It’s my grandpa asking if I wanna go finish the doobie as he so often calls it, and I didn’t hear him walk in at all. I’m totally up for it because at this point I feel nothing yet, so we step right out my door into the garage (I’m sleeping in a room that’s not an actual room but a link between his room and a carport type thing… in a trailer park… it’s hard to explain.) Anyways we go outside and finish off the first one and he asks me to grab his stash from inside and we light up another one.
Now I finally have a light buzz, but he’s gone, like way far gone. I asked him how he was. Just a simple question, ‘how are you’ and he gets all existential on me.
How are any of us? I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got. And here I am thinking he’s thinking about my recently deceased grandmother. And so I’m trying to just make him feel better, saying things like we can’t always plan out everything in life. We don’t know what to expect but we make it work.
And I don’t even remember his exact words because I’m still so shocked it happened, but he went with what I said, and rolled it into how we don’t know what to expect and we have to make the best of it…. and we should make the best of this moment him and I.
What the fuck? Did I just hear what I think I heard? Maybe this BC weed is messing with my head differently. So I just kinda let it slide. Thinking I totally misread the situation, or at the very least misheard.
But then he legitimately said here I am making a pass at my own grandchild. And he keeps trying to put his hand on my knee or leg and I’m like grandpa stop. No thanks. And so he stands up while I’m still sitting on my chair and tried to give me a hug and I had to push him back with both hands on his chest while he tried to kiss the top of my head. And then he finally walked away.
And my head is just messed up. Not like in a confused way like oh maybe I should’ve… No definitely not. But in a what the fuck just happened to me way.
When he walked back into the house he left the door ajar and I’m slightly shocked/confused/scared/worried. So I followed, but not too close that he thinks I’m following to join him, but to make sure the horny bastard doesn’t do anything to Z or even little E.
He passed both of them sleeping on the floor in my ‘room’, and I closed the door connecting our rooms and then went back outside to just… wrap my head around “this”, whatever this is.
Ok, I get that he’s lonely, his wife just died. And maybe weed makes some people horny, and obviously we don’t think 100% how we normally would while we’re high, but come the fuck on. My Grandfather. My flesh and blood grandpa. Who’s turning 82 tomorrow. Just hit on me.
And if you can’t keep it together enough to realize that? Than you shouldn’t be smoking for starters is really all I can think of to say right now. Other than that I’m speechless. So I’m heading to bed. And I’ve decided to sleep WITHOUT the earplugs tonight for those if you wondering.
-Ozzy Ozbourne/Crazy Train-