She Holds The Hand That Holds Her Down She Will Rise Above Don’t Call Me Daughter Not Fit To

So I went for a follow up visit to my Naturopath this morning. And like she asks every 4 weeks when I’m there, she questioned how life is… how are my stress levels, what’s new, etc. And like every previous visit she is shocked by what is going on in my life and how there can possibly be so much change in one month.

My digestion, in my very humble opinion, was getting better for a little while. I think at least. But then since my last visit, just to much went on in my life and it took a definite turn for the worse. I found my stomach rumbling constantly and I was headed to the washroom to shit every couple hours just like old times.

So after going over my Dr’s notes with her, and comparing our timelines, we basically realized that my digestive issues are pretty much directly related to the amount of stress in my life. And since we all know I have a constant level of stress… well we can imagine how well I digest my food and get any nutritional value from anything I eat.

So once again she recommended a few meditation apps and did a few switches to the treatment I’m taking. Then I also got a concoction of vitamins shot into my rear end and I was on my way.

Well not quite. We did also discuss my mother a little first. I didn’t really want to out my mom and our situation to my Dr as my naturopath knows my mom, since she used to be a patient. But in taking about what was stressful in my life right now I did say my mom, which led her to say ‘What now?’ Yeah… my mothers been a reoccurring theme at that office lol. So I decided to explain to my Dr what the issue was and she was shocked.

Shocked that my mom would support not only Trump but the whole situation. I did explain that I’m not sure if my mom still supported Trump, being that I haven’t had a conversation with her since last week, but even the fact that she did, and said she had said that I was the one with the problem was enough for my Dr to be appalled. And to be honest, I kinda felt good hearing that from another person.

Until now, I haven’t discussed this issue with anyone in my life. I blocked my mom on Facebook and haven’t answered her calls this week. I just felt I needed some time to decide where I want our relationship to go from here, if we even are to continue with one. So when my Dr was shocked to hear that my mom was behaving like she is, I felt justified in a way. Like almost that I’m not being overly sensitive. That I should be offended, and I should take a stand on this, and to not back down.

Basically for the first time in this situation I felt more confidence. Because a wiser/older/smarter individual was thinking along the same lines as I was, and agreed with what I had to say. So I just appreciated that moment. She did give me some advice, asking first if I wanted it and saying she didn’t want to over step her boundaries hoping it wasn’t to much (which I appreciated) and suggested that I ask whichever ‘being’ I pray to for guidance. I told her that I stopped going to church a couple months ago, and she said she doesn’t believe in the principle of church either, but that there’s obviously good and evil in the universe we live in. And that something might be controlling it all, so it wouldn’t hurt to throw a ‘prayer’ out for guidance on how to handle this situation so I’m not overwhelmed by it.

So I appreciated her help… but I’m still not sure about the praying thing. I’ve been there and done that and, well, look at me now.

So I headed home and now had the mom thing on my mind again. Although now I felt more prepared to deal with it. Like I said I felt a little more confidence now that I knew… well at least felt like I was on the right side of the fence.

So once I got home I felt the urge to call my sister R, to see how she felt. R and my mom? Not the best of friends. They never really were but it completely broke down one year when I was in Kenya, although I don’t know all the details on the situation, because I only heard it from my mom over the phone, but… here goes….

Since R is married, she obviously had to split holidays between us and her husband J’s family. Well I guess this one Christmas, because of scheduling (plus my mom being pissed at me for being out of the country) it was becoming difficult for mom and R to pick a time/date that would work for everyone to meet for Christmas since R had to keep rescheduling because J’s family kept changing when they were having their family dinner. So what did my lovely mother do? Uninvited R and her family to Christmas.

So, I decided to call R to see how she handled keeping mom at a distance. Omg. She hadn’t even answered the phone yet and I’m getting all emotional. As soon as she said hi? I started crying. That damn vitamin shot. Every time I take it, it makes me so emotional, it’s ridiculous, which I forgot about until I’m bawling on the phone with R. She’s asking if I’m ok, since she’s probably never heard me cry so she must think something terrible is happening and I’m trying to explain that I’m fine, and nothing’s wrong, but I’m seriously crying so hard I sound like a seal giving birth.

So I take a solid two minutes to pull myself together, and manage to get out that nothing’s wrong, so she doesn’t panic. Once I’m in control again, I reassure her it’s nothing crazy just mom and she does the whole ‘Ohhh, go ahead’

So I explained pretty much what I posted here about how I told my mom the things she was constantly posting on Facebook were over the top and maybe she should step back and think a little more before posting things that could be construed as racist next time, and it really affects me because my kids are mixed race, and also just because common don’t be racist. I told R that as of right now mom is blocked and I’m not sure where to go from here.

So R’s advice is pretty much what I was moving towards anyways.

She said leave her blocked, because if she doesn’t understand by now she won’t change. But as far as removing her from yours and the kids life entirely? That’s pretty extreme. She recommended doing like she does. Have a surface relationship with mom. Nothing to deep. If mom invites you for a two hour lunch, say you only have time for a 30 minute coffee. And as far as what influence she may have on the kids? Ultimately mom loves the kids and would never want to hurt them, which I know. But in regards to morals and values that she may teach them? If she does spend time with Little E and Z and they learn something from her that goes against what I am teaching them, it is my job to show them differently. As it will be when they as presented with alternative opinions from any other source outside our home.

So essentially as their mother I have to show them the way I think is truest, but I can’t just hide them from the world. They will see these issues and difficulties and opinions eventually. So I might as well use it as an opportunity to teach my children that everyone has their own views and to start being able to make decisions on our own. For starters that everyone has different views on things and we don’t have to agree, and we can think they are wrong, but we don’t have to let the differences cause arguments. We can just choose to spend less time with those people and more time with the individuals who are more like minded to us, not like looking to us.


-Pearl Jam/Daughter-

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