They say no news is good news, but that’s the biggest pile of shit ever.
It’s only been like just over 48 hours, so I’m trying to be patient, but I guess it’s not a strong point of mine.
I started off my day yesterday researching where to even start looking for where to contact K. I googled so many different searches that if I die and my browser history is revealed, people will have some weird questions about me. Anyways it lead me to a phone number for the cops about recent arrests… which I dialed. But as I make my way through the automated voice response, to the extension I needed, a recording starts which says that ‘they cannot release information about detainees over the age of 18, and it is up to them to inform their families of their whereabouts’ Oh great, I’m thinking. Why bother having this number anyways if you can’t give out information!?!
Then, an actual person comes on the phone and I explained that although I heard the recording, I’m looking for an individual who was recently arrested after breaking parole, and I have no idea where to start looking. He said if it was a parole violation most likely he was sent to a certain center and to try there. So I thanked him for at least pointing me somewhere and then looked up the centers phone number.
Yep, you guessed it. Same thing. They won’t release information on individuals held there. So now, the only way I’ll know where K is, and if he’s ok, is if he calls me, or reaches out to me in any fashion.
And that scares me. Because why hasn’t he yet? And what if he doesn’t. Like I get he has to contact his family first and like a lawyer maybe… I don’t know how it works, and maybe he’s only allowed a certain number of calls a day… or maybe he doesn’t have money for a call?
So many thoughts are running through my head, mainly, is he ok? And will he call? And why did things have to pause on such an unstable note between us? And how long do i wait for him to call before realizing he won’t? What if he blames me for him being sent back?
What if he feels I pushed him to get to emotional, and even though he was feeling love towards me, and I knew it and he knew it? What if me needing to hear those words from him so badly was to hard for him and lead him back to the drugs? Thus leading him back to prison? A stretch I know, but in the moment, for someone trying to stay off meth, anything could push them over the limit.
And he did it for me. Knowing how important it was for me. He did it to make me happy.
Agggghhhh. I seriously don’t even have the proper words to describe my feelings/frustration.