K, I originally wrote this yesterday while waiting to meet my friends for lunch, when my whole WordPress crashed and I lost the entire fucking post. I was choked. So sorry if it’s not as “good” as normal, but I’m really just moody about having to redo it. 😒.
This morning I met a friend for coffee at a new cafe in our city’s brewery district downtown. It was a cute enough place and all, but it was the location that caught my attention. Last time I was in that exact spot, it was still an empty lot. Well, apart from myself and J.
J was the last guy I met/slept with before E. He was also one of the few who managed to make it past the “one and done,” rule mainly because his one was… well it was GOOD! Lol. J was memorable for a few things, the main one being we never had sex in the same spot twice. We were only “friends” for about a month, but you name a place, we fucked there.
Yes, including the once empty lot in a bustling downtown metropolis which now houses an up and coming urban cafe.
It was a very cool late winter/early spring night when we went for a walk downtown and, as things are prone to do on a casual walk with your friend with benefits, the topic turned sexual. So sexual in fact, that we decided it was pertinent to deal with things then and there instead of heading home. So we found a somewhat dimly lit place and stripped down to nothing in the backlot to take care of business.
There are definitely some ups and downs to having sex outside of the bed/ house. For starters, you know when you get really into it and you get all hot and sweaty? Not a problem outside in March in Canada, since the freezing temperatures keep you cool. Also, the adrenaline factor alone, you know, thoughts of being seen/watched/caught makes the whole experience way more intense. On the down side? There’s gravel or sand where nothing should ever be, and you thought rug burn from sex was bad? Think road rash. 😵.
But J and I had fun! He was always making plans for us to do things exciting together. He wanted to be seen out in public with me. We never just chilled at home watching tv or on the couch. J made moves and brought me with him. We had sex outside the club like in the literal doorway of the club while his friend stood “guard”. We messed around in my parking garage on many occasions. He took me to see the lights on the bridge and then we climbed it and…yep we very dangerously screwed up there.
J had ideas and plans and brought me with him on his journey for the month I knew him. I appreciated that he didn’t just want to come to my house and fuck and then leave. We got out. We did things. We had fun.
Then it wasn’t enough for me? Or, I don’t even know. But for some unknown reason I was still meeting up with other guys and found E. And for some reason that will never be a good one, I picked E over any of the guys I was messing with, and I was done with J. I was done with being taken out for fun. I was done with a guy wanting to be with me in public and taking me dancing. I had my last opportunity to be driven around in a super fancy car *I know I said I’ve never dated a guy with a car before, but I don’t count these guys as dating. Unless we had an actual conversation about being ‘together’ then to me we weren’t dating. We weren’t exclusive unless they asked me to be theirs… make sense? Probably not, but that’s because my mind is MESSED up when it comes to guys. Every other area I’m pretty steady in though.
Shit I made a bad decision. Choosing E (among others). Hopefully one I’ve learned from. I’ve learned that I don’t want someone who doesn’t want to have fun with me. I don’t want a relationship that’s hidden in the house, since that’s all E and I ever did because of his paranoia. E never wanted to go out with me, nor did he have any ideas if we did actually venture out. I want a guy who wants to DO things with me. I want to live life with them. Not sit/lay around the house all day. I can do that on my own, thank you very much. Now just to find that guy.
-Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland/Promiscuous-