‘Cause I’m Only Human After All 

There has been a lot going on in my life. Well that’s obvious for everyone who’s been reading my posts so far.  But I’m talking in the here and now life.

It’s getting to the point where I’ve been really questioning life in general, and how it works.

Like when does “God” or “Karma” or “the universe” decide that’s enough struggle for one person. How much can a single human handle before throwing in the towel. What could I have possibly done to send out so much negative energy out there or did I piss off whatever deity is in charge?

For example, the last couple weeks I’ve been going back and forth with my Dr. It was originally going to be just a standard check up and then possibly trying to get off my seizure meds. I’m not a fan of taking medication if it’s not necessary. Well the seizures got put to the back burner when some stuff came back in my blood work about my liver.

Turns out I have an enlarged liver due to an enzyme found in alcohol. My Dr. told me this is mostly found in people who are alcoholics and have been drinking steadily for MANY years. He also said I have to reduce my alcohol intake because this can turn into cancer quite quickly.

Well reducing my alcohol intake will be next to impossible because I don’t drink.

Well I do. Like a glass or two of sangria at Christmas or maybe Easter, and then maybe twice more throughout the year. That’s it.  Now how the world do I have a disease that’s associated with alcoholism if I hardly drink?

I’m thoroughly pissed off at this. I feel like what’s the point of not drinking anymore since I’m already practically suffering from liver failure.

I’m honestly just ready to be done. This is just a small example of what’s going on and I feel like I keep pushing through all these struggles… but for what?

I’m still no closer to the end of my divorce. I have no romantic prospects on the horizons. I’ve been yelling at my kids more because of the stress and it’s not their fault. I’m still having raging headaches and seizures once in a while. And now I have potential cancer on the roster. Like what is the point? For real?

Why can’t I just catch a break. Just one small break. What did I ever do to deserve this. All of this. Any of this.

I’m a decent person. I deserve love and respect and health. Or maybe at least one of them. I dunno maybe I’m being greedy but I feel asking for a few things from “god” “the powers that be” “the universe” or whoever/whatever’s job it is to hand out good stuff… shouldn’t be to much.

Kinda feel like I deserve something for what I’ve been through. Even a damn gold star would be better than cancer at this point. I’m not picky. Just sayin’

-Rag’n’Bone Man/Human-

15 thoughts on “‘Cause I’m Only Human After All 

  1. Amen to that. Wish I had the answers. Keep on keeping on. There’s got to be an end in sight soon else what’s the point? What’s the point in anything?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for being so honest. I have felt like that, too, and sometimes still do. For what it’s worth, I’ll give you a gold star right here, right now, because yes, you deserve that and so much more. Keep moving forward. The way you tell your story is so inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I ask myself everyday what I did to deserve my karma?! I mean, I know I’ve not always been an angel, but I also don’t think I’ve been so horrible in this world to deserve the things that are thrown at me. Perhaps I’m paying for a past life?

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I completely agree with you, it seems more and more people are dealt shitty hands and there seems no end to it. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but please don’t start fretting about cancer. At the moment, it’s NOT cancer, so just put that thought away for now. Have you considered switching doctors?


  5. I completely understand. Life sucks sometimes. I know when the hard blows come, it’s a true challenge to keep going, but once you hang in there and eventually get past it, you always feel stronger on the other side. That’s been my experience, but the hard part is just getting through it. One day at a time.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi. As a person who looks at things from a holistic perspective, I recommend you looking into the emotional causes of liver failure . You have been under a significant amount of stress for a long time and that can cause infirmities in the body. If you can, look for a naturopathic doctor or Chiropractor in your area who specializes in getting to the root cause of diseases. You will be okay, but it will take one day at a time.


  7. Sending virtual hugs. I know exactly how you feel about waiting for God or Karma or whatever to say you’ve had enough. Hope the cancer scare is just that a scare!

    Liked by 1 person

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