While living outside of Kakamega, Kenya, it seemed more difficult for E to adjust than for myself. New things don’t scare me much, and I’m always up for talking to new people and having fresh experiences. But for E, what we didn’t understand at the time (about 2013-2014) was that his schizophrenic tendencies were becoming more common during that time frame. Day to day life was becoming more overwhelming for him, and by extension for the kids and I.
One day I offered to take the trip into town to get the few things we needed as far as supplies, so that E could just work on the farm. Normally E went to town just because when I went it was a little more dangerous as a white woman traveling alone and E enjoyed the possibility of seeing some old friends from his childhood. Recently however, even having neighbors over to our house seemed too stressful for him.
So I strapped our youngest in a sling in preparation for the walk and headed out the door. Normally I would only have to walk between 10-20 minutes before I would be able to wave a piki piki down on the road and then enjoy the 15 minute ride into town on the back of the motorcycle. But today there seemed to be none on the road, or they all already had passengers on them.
So I just kept walking. Until after about 30 minutes I hear E calling my name. I turn around and he is running after me. I waited for him, since I really had no idea why he was there, or what prompted him to run the last few Km’s. But when he finally caught up to me, it was nothing that I expected… Which funny enough is something I’ve come to expect with E. That I could never expect anything from him.
Anyways, as soon as he got to me, he roughly grabbed into my bra for my wallet. Yeah I kept my money in my bra for safe keeping, something E had told me to do to keep it away from thieves. Little did I know the only person who would even attempt to steal anything from me the entire time I was in Kenya would be my own husband.
I can’t even remember what he was saying or why he was doing it. I just remember that I was holding a baby and he was pushing me around and grabbing my things in the middle of the dirt road. I honestly wasn’t sure what his intent was, or why it bothered him that I was headed to town, but he was trying to take my wallet, and I remember that I was having none of it. Or at least I was trying. I did my best to hold onto my wallet and at the same time protect/hold on to our baby daughter. I wouldn’t say a crowd gathered, but a few people started peering at us through the bushes/fences along the side of the road, and I tried calling for help. I tried calling out that he was a thief or a robber. I can’t remember which, but anything to draw attention, and what I thought would be help. But no one did anything. E got my wallet and ran off for home, but not before spilling most the contents along the dirt road.
So left with only my embarrassment and half the contents of my wallet strewn on the road, I picked up the few things that had fallen out and I remember for some reason I was more upset that no one had helped me, then the fact E had just done that to me.
With no money left, I had no choice but to return the direction I had just come. Walking past all the yards of the people pretending nothing had happened. I took about an hour to walk back to our house, and even then I didn’t go home. I had no interest in seeing E anytime soon, since I had no clue what was going through his head at that moment so I went to a neighbors.
I stayed for tea and a standard “how are you” chat, before E showed up. He said he had been looking for me…
I told him I wasn’t interested in going home right then. He apologized to me right there in our neighbors house, and I had to explained to her what had happened. My neighbor said I should go with him. He’d apologized and that it would be good now. Apparently, that should be good enough for me to move on.
I knew then, that if anything more serious happened to me, E would have the support of the community. It was how they lived. It was what they were used to. Men being able to literally do whatever they wanted and the women being treated pretty much like property. It for some reason was ok for them.
Not for me.
At that point I knew I was alone.
-Soulja Boy/Go To War-