Now Hush Little Baby Don’t You Cry Every Thing’s Gonna Be All Right Stiffin’ That Upper Lip Up Little Lady

I guess I should make you guys aware that that was not the first time I had been raped. By E, yes. But in my life, no. I’ll save that story for another day, but just for you to understand that it was probably a big part of the reason I ended up settling for someone like E. My life was messy even before he showed up in the picture. But moving on…

The morning after we started off on what was to be our “honeymoon” I wasn’t sure about how to handle everything that had happened and I just wanted to forget. Besides, how do you explain rape on your wedding night by your husband. I could just imagine the looks I would get “girl you do know your supposed to have sex that night right?” I wasn’t up for that.

So instead I went to the hotel gift shop and grabbed a pack of pads to deal with the bleeding and that was that.

We headed out on the road for a town about 3 hours away, where I spent my first day as a married woman on the sidelines of E’s rugby game. He couldn’t even miss one game to spend time with me. Rugby was his life. Although it’s probably not true, it felt like all eyes were on me. I’m sure word had gotten around about how pathetic my wedding had been and now here I was in the next city standing around alone. I had to refuse offer after offer to sit with people because of the night before and people were starting to question what was wrong with me.

It was literally the definition of adding insult to injury.

After the game E pretty much ate and then passed out until the next morning. Romance at its finest. Sunday was pleasant enough. We spent the day at a popular zoo and had enough distraction that we didn’t have to come up with mundane conversation the whole time.

We drove home later that evening to our new house, and once I walked in those doors and saw an empty house, with just E and myself. I realized. I finally realized.

This weekend had been the worst mistake of my life.


9 thoughts on “Now Hush Little Baby Don’t You Cry Every Thing’s Gonna Be All Right Stiffin’ That Upper Lip Up Little Lady

  1. I’m sorry you went through is, all of it. I know how charming and manipulative these men can be and how easy it is to fall into their trap. I hope you don’t blame yourself for anything, because none of it is your fault. You are incredibly strong and brave to write so openly about what you went through, and I am sure you are helping a lot of people (myself included) by letting them know that they are not alone. Much love – speak766

    Liked by 1 person

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